Hostage of Love
by EnjoyyourJacob
Summary: Bella sat in the small diner, feeling the weight of the past few days heavy on her shoulder. Would she finally have the guts to visit Jacob? Was it too late to reestablish their friendship? A J/B fanfiction, set in Breaking Dawn, post wedding.
1. Preface

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**Hostage of Love**

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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.  
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This is a collaboration story with my bestie, WolfGirl_JB. She graciously agreed that I post this story under my account and name. *love you, honey*

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Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Romance  
Characters: Jacob, Leah, Bella  
Category: AU, Breaking Dawn  
Rating: MA for Adult themes, content and language  
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**A/N: We keep it short and simple, because we know you want to start reading. LOL Okay, this is the first fan fic we're writing as a team. We are very excited to get this baby started tonight, and before we get rolling here's a huge THANK YOU to JUL5857—she's our beta and will be smoothing out any grammar, spelling and comma issues for us.**

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**A/N2, Sept19th, 2012: The unedited version of this story is to be found at Tricky Raven dot ning dot com  
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_**Without you**_

_My Pillow gazes upon me at night_  
_Empty as a gravestone;_  
_I never thought it would be so bitter_  
_To be alone,_  
_Not to lie down asleep in your hair._

_I lie alone in a silent house,_  
_The hanging lamp darkened,_  
_And gently stretch out my hands_  
_To gather in yours,_  
_And softly press my warm mouth_  
_Toward you, and kiss myself, exhausted and weak-_  
_Then suddenly I'm awake_  
_And all around me the cold night grows still._  
_The star in the window shines clearly-_  
_Where is your blond hair,_  
_Where your sweet mouth?_

_Now I drink pain in every delight_  
_And poison in every wine;_  
_I never knew it would be so bitter_  
_To be alone,_  
_Alone, without you._

Hermann Hesse, Translated by James Wright

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_**Preface**_

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He closes his eyes as the blonde woman moves above him.

[…]

Lately, he has a hard time enjoying sex at all. The short moments when he lets go doesn't give him satisfaction anymore. Only a few moments of peace of mind and soothing numbness he is granted and then, he needs to move and leave—feeling all cold inside, unsatisfied, and lonely.

Only seldom, he feels content for some time longer; maybe even falls asleep next to her. Mostly, when the woman he chooses to be his bed fellow resembles the woman he once loved. Be it the color of her hair, the way they talk or just the petite frame of her body that reminds him. He will close his eyes then and imagine it was _her_ that lies under him. It is at these moments, when he can get lost in his emotions and the memories of a girl that never saw more than a friend in him and that chose to marry the other man.

Sometimes, when his fantasies become too vivid, he forgets that he is in bed with another woman. Sometimes, he comes, calling out _her_ name.

"Bella…"

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-o-o-

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Somewhere, miles and miles away, is a woman.

Above her, a man grunts and groans, lost in his desire. She just lies there, watching and contemplating. What is wrong with her? Why can't she enjoy sex like other women?

[…]

She doesn't have many men, because sex just isn't what she needs. When she does it, it is out of loneliness, because she needs closeness and the touch of another human being. She chooses her partners wisely; deliberate that nothing will ever remind her of the two men she had once loved.

Her lovers aren't athletes. They aren't copper-skinned or very tall. A man with a temper? No, thank you. Boyish smile or mechanical skills? Not wanted, either. It narrows down her choices to a minimum, but that is okay.

Nevertheless, it happens often enough that a different face than that of her partner appears before her eyes—_his _face. After all this time, she still vividly remembers his bright smile, his beautiful brown eyes, and his heat. Sometimes, a tiny bubble of lust wells up inside of her, only to disappear quickly as it came, because her bed partner just can't compare to _him _and isn't what she wants.

She lives a good life so far. She studies successfully. She has some close friends and goes out with them. She doesn't mourn after her divorced husband. The only thing she regrets is marrying him in the first place. Nevertheless, in making this choice four years ago and taking the consequences she has grown stronger.

Today, she is independent and confident, but something – _someone_ –is missing in her life. And in missing him, she feels lonely and as if a huge part of herself is missing.

The man above her finishes and kisses her briefly, sighing satisfied, before falling asleep. She turns her back on him and curls into a tight ball.

_His_ name falls from her lips, softly, unheard, like the teardrops that fall on her pillow.

"Jake…"

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	2. Take this pain away

**Rated: M **

**Disclaimer: St. Meyer owns.**

**Thanks to our dear beta JUL5857.**

**EnjoyyourJacob & WolfGirl_JB**

**P.S. If this chapter seems familiar... It's the revised version of my oneshot "Live or Die" which now becomes a full story. Thanks. EyJ.**

**Hostage of Love**

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_How heavy the days are._

_There's not a fire that can warm me,  
Not a sun to laugh with me,  
Everything bare,  
Everything cold and merciless,  
And even the beloved, clear  
Stars look desolately down,  
Since I learned in my heart that  
Love can die._

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_How heavy the Days,_

Herman Hesse, translated by James Wright

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**Chapter 1**

**- Take This Pain Away -**

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He stood on the highest spot of the cliff and looked down into the black and stormy water. It was not the water he saw but the sharp, peaky and rough stones that broke through the surface. Would it be lethal if he jumped down onto the boulders? Would his bones be crushed by the impact? Would the ocean wash his broken body away, drowning him?

_Far from likely,_ he thought in complete bewilderment, looking down at his bloody fists—shredded skin and broken bones beginning to heal already.

He was exhausted in a way he had never felt before. At first, he had been livid and in his fury he had hit into the trees with his fists, maiming and smashing them. He was kicking, not even realizing that he up-rooted trees and left a path of destruction behind him. Later, he screamed, his angry and hoarse cries echoing through the dark forest. He never stopped and never faltered as he raved, begging for his head to explode and his heart to simply stop beating.

Now he stood here, broken and lonely, realizing that he shouldn't have gone to Bella's wedding party. Seeing her in that lovely dress with her flushed cheeks, shining eyes and luscious lips and everything about her was screaming for her newly-wedded husband, destroyed what had been left of him.

How much pain could a person possibly take? The grief he felt was next to unbearable. He wished for relief, something to ease his pain. He wished he could fall into the abyss and never return. Death would be a blessing. Yeah, he should be that lucky.

Why could she NOT see that she was going to throw her life away, and the future they could have together, the children he could give her? WHY?

WHY? He kept asking himself over and over again.

He had known that he was fighting a losing battle. Nevertheless, he had tried to convince her – yet again – that what she had planned was wrong. She had brushed him off, declaring she was willing to give her body and soul to Edward, telling him that she even planned to have sex with him when she was still human.

How could she be so careless? Trusting him so blindly? Didn't she know that she was walking into her death with open eyes? Of course, it would be her death to lie down with that leech.

Jacob assumed that Bella still was a virgin, even though they had never spoken about it, and he didn't need to put two and two together to know what would happen, once the leech broke through her barrier. The tiniest droplet of blood would be enough to drive him into frenzy; nothing and no one would be able to stop him as he would be sucking her dry. The leechcould never bed her and expect that she would survive it. He could break every bone in her body with one careless move of his stone-hard body.

Was this what she really wanted? Why couldn't she see what she was going to do?

It was wrong imagining him moving inside her petite body; nauseating to imagine the bruises and marks that would cover her delicate, creamy skin; horrible to wonder how much it would need to crush her fragile bones. It was sick, sick, so damn sick…

The bile rose in his body explosively. Stepping back and turning around, he vomited into the grass. Helpless, defenceless, broken.

Jacob didn't believe that he would see Bella ever again.

He had known all along that the day would come. She had warned him, tried to prepare him that she wanted to become like him—a leech, a bloodsucker, his enemy. And he had hated the thought from the beginning, had sworn to her and to himself that he would fight for her, that he wouldn't stop loving her until her heart stopped beating.

It was her declaration that she could have a _real_ wedding night, a real honeymoon while she was still human that was the final blow, the final straw that killed his spirit, his will to fight, his will to live. What meaning had life for him without her? What meaning had it when he lost her, because he had failed to protect her as it was ingrained in his DNA?

Protecting and loving her was what he had always ever wanted and needed. It was part of him, part of what made him Jacob Black. He had been so eager to fix her when she was heart-broken after her leech had left her, because he was good at fixing stuff. But once she was dead—or turned (and dead nevertheless)—there was nothing left to be fixed.

He had offered her a friendship that ran deep, a friendship that could have easily turned into more if she only had been willing to try. He had given her his heart, but all she had ever done was to take from him and take and take, never giving anything back. She had chosen the wrong path—a path that led into her death, and he had terribly failed. Jacob hadn't been able to make her see reason, not been able to keep her where she naturally belonged.

He wasn't what she wanted. She didn't love him enough. Definitely not enough to leave her leech to whom she was so devoted, addicted even.

He stood up and dragged his feet back to the cliff, his naked toes curling around the sharp edges of the stones underneath his feet. _When had he lost his shoes?_

He didn't really attempt killing himself, but he enjoyed the fascination of his morbid fantasies. Would his father miss him when he was gone? Would his pack mates miss him, the only friends he had? What about Bella? Would she realize what she had done to him once HE was cold and dead—and buried? Would she then finally know that they had been destined to be together?

Before his eyes he saw her sitting at his snow-covered grave, dressed in a black dress, holding a red rose in her tiny hands, weeping. Her eyes would be red and sore from crying, but she would still be beautiful. And she would continue crying until exhaustion caused her to collapse on the muddy earth.

Jacob shuddered. No, that wasn't what he wanted, either. He didn't want her to feel cold and alone without him. He wanted her warm. Warm and alive. Not cold. Or dead. Or, cold and dead, cold and dead—

A new cry ripped free from his throat. Again he bellowed his pain out into the night, swaying dangerously close on the brink.

Carrying his morbid thoughts to extremes, he tensed his body and rose to his toes. How much strength did he need to put into the jump? Which way did he need to turn or twist his body to land in the most destructive way onto the hard water's surface, onto the rough rocks?

He spread his arms out like wings and tilted his head back, looking up into the dark skies. Behind him in the forest, a bird screeched in protest, letting him know that someone was approaching. Jacob froze in his spot, trying to detect who had the guts to disturb him.

Then he heard a female voice call his name. Full of hope, he turned around.

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oOoOoOo

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Leah knew what Jacob was going through. It had happened to her, too. Of course, the circumstances where different, but the outcome was the same. The person you loved moved on and you were left behind, your pain ignored, the love the other had for you not enough for him/her to stay with you. The fact that the girl Jacob loved so deeply left him to soon become his mortal enemy made matters worse.

_Right,_ Leah thought sarcastically, but what actually was worse? Seeing the man you loved every single day, knowing he would go home to another woman to lie in her bed, to make love to her every night, and added to that hearing his every thought about it? Or, knowing that the girl you're in love with wants to become a fucking leech? Her heart instantly burned and ached. Her longing for Sam was hopeless, and it had destroyed her faith in love and life itself.

From her place, hidden in the forest, Leah had seen what had taken place minutes ago. If she had known in time that he was back and attempted to go to this wedding, she would have slapped some reason into him. How stupid and self-torturous could this guy be?

Leah snorted hatefully and clenched her hands to fists, infuriated. Who was she to talk? She was an expert in self-torture. She knew his pain more than she would ever want to admit to anybody. How many times had she wished to just stop breathing? How many times had she wished to simply disappear and evaporate into nothing? Most of all, she hated the pity which she saw in her pack member's eyes. Damn them all.

No one had even bothered to tell her that Jacob was back. All she had been told was to watch the party and make sure that no leech would so much as look at the human wedding guests. When word spread that Jacob had shown up at the party she knew already that this was a fail. She had watched him and Bella dancing awkwardly, had listened to his excited and thrilled heartbeat, but she had also heard what the leech lover had exclaimed later on.

To say that Leah was shocked would be an understatement. The thought that someone (human above all that) would willingly fuck a leech made her shudder with disgust and gag on reflex. She knew instinctively nothing good could come out of it. Once the leech would stick his icy cock into his stupid bride, it would be her doom. There was no way that Bella would make it out alive.

Last but not least, Leah had seen how Bella talking to Jacob about having a _real _honeymoon had hit home and how Jacob had almost lost it in front of all wedding guests. He had been darn close to phasing and only because Seth and Sam had dragged him into the darkness of the forest they had prevented a fight breaking out between Jacob and the leech. Not that she would have minded if the leech had been killed, but it would have exposed their secret and that wasn't to happen. Ever.

Jacob had brushed his brothers off and stomped away, knocking down trees like a berserk, and becoming more furious with every step he took farther away from _her._

She knew the pack workings and was aware that Sam would send at least one of them after Jacob, afraid that he would run away again. So she offered to look out for him before their Alpha could even ask. "I'll follow him," she said, earning surprised looks from her pack brothers. Sam agreed, relieved that he didn't need to decide and relieved that Jake's visit at this party hadn't turned into a disaster.

Following the path she had seen Jacob take, she ran after him, lost in her own thoughts and reflections. Damn, she didn't even know why she was following him! She had enough heartbreak on her own plate. Did she really need to get deeper involved with his? As she had seen Sam handling the situation with so much determination, she wanted nothing more than to sit with him on the sofa, discussing the event with a glass of wine like they had done before the whole wolf hocus-pocus.

Once she realized that she had lost Jacob's track over her mindless rambling, she groaned in aggravation. Leah stripped down, tied her top and shorts to her ankle, and phased. In her wolf form she would easily track him down. Her senses were way more perceptive when she was phased.

Leah put her muzzle down and searched the ground, tracking his scent only seconds later. It strongly smelled of Jacob, but it also reeked of deep desperation. _Ugh! Self-loathing stinks,_ Leah thought and hurried up, having a very strange feeling in her stomach. She didn't like this smell coming from Jacob. That wasn't like him. He wouldn't do something stupid, now would he?

Minutes later Leah found him. He stood at the cliff with his arms spread out widely, his muscles flexed, and his whole body tensed, looking as if he wanted to fling himself from the cliff. Hurriedly shifting back human, she screamed, "Are you crazy? Black, come back here right this instance. Are you trying to kill yourself?"

Only, when she had stopped yelling at him she considered that this maybe hadn't been very wise.

His head whipped around, his face wearing the fiercest of expressions she had ever seen on him, but she also saw the hope in his black, rage-filled eyes and the resignation when he recognized it was only her. For a moment, his eyes widened as he scanned her body, and she remembered that she stood there totally naked.

"Go away," he growled and turned to face the Pacific again.

She crouched down to untie her clothes, feeling the sharp sting of rejection, but banned the thought from her mind. Of course, he would expect someone else searching for him. Leah snorted dismissively. As if the bride would leave her own wedding and run after Jacob. Bella had made her choice regardless of her friend's feelings.

"Don't, Jake," Leah pleaded, cautiously stepping closer and hoping that being really nice was the right thing to do.

"Leave me alone," he murmured and inched closer to the edge. Was he serious? Was he really going to jump?

She smelled that he was desperate enough to follow through with his attempted suicide and didn't bother with her clothes anymore. Anxious about the way he eyed the water, she let it drop carelessly. Without thinking twice she moved closer to where he stood. It would be a waste if he threw his life away for this girl, Leah thought.

Jacob stayed frozen in his spot, not even blinking, but he didn't fend her off, either. When she finally came to a halt behind him, she grabbed his hand and yanked him away from the edge with one forceful tug.

He stumbled into her, but she caught him, even when she almost tumbled over from his weight. His movements were stiff and clumsy as she led him away from the cliff deeper into the woods, and he followed her, seemingly having no will of his own.

She slowed down her steps when they reached a clearing, and Jacob almost walked into her. His breath hit her neck, making the skin tingle. Her heartbeat accelerated and she gripped his hand tighter. He inhaled deeply, cursing under his breath and stepped back, but she didn't let go of his hand.

Leah sat down in a patch of soft green grass, pulling him with her. He sank to the ground, yanked his hand out of her grasp and buried his face in his hands. It was all the white chick's fault and Leah hated with a passion what she had done to him, hated seeing him so vulnerable. This was Jacob, son of the Chief and the next Alpha. That is once he got his head out of his ass. It was a pity that he didn't even know how much the pack relied on him already, regardless that he hadn't accepted his Alpha position yet. He didn't know how much it confused all of them when he was so totally out of his head. He wasn't supposed to be in this state of devastation. He was supposed to be strong. He was a fighter, a leader, a man of will-power. Jacob only needed to realize it and accept his position.

Against her usual reputation, she didn't want to bitch at him, knowing this would most likely only rile him up and threaten an outburst of his temper instead of calming him down. She wanted to ease his heavy mind and help him deal with the blow to his heart. This self-revelation kind of shocked but also intrigued her.

In an attempt to comfort him, she crawled up behind him and wrapped her arms around his chest. With a low whine, she nudged his neck with her nose, not recognizing that she—although in her human form—instinctively fell into pack behavior. Burying her face in his neck, she breathed into it in a soothing manner, willing to do anything to comfort him, soothe him, to help him escape from his shock-filled mind. He didn't react first, but then a nudge turned into a lick that made him shudder. Leah nudged him again, her nose tickling him behind his ear.

Jacob tried to shove her away, wanting her to leave him alone, but she didn't give in. She just held him and from time to time, nudged or licked him again. Eventually, he relaxed. His arms dropped limply to his side, his shoulders slumped, and his head fell forward, showing of a long, muscular neck.

Leah was surprised by the flicker of arousal that rushed through her body. He had a beautiful neck, coppery-skinned and well-shaped, and the next lick was anything but wolfish socializing. She ran her tongue from the crook of his neck to his hairline. She didn't know what had gotten into her, but she suddenly knew how to make him feel better, how to make him forget at least for now.

Leah realized that she wanted to give him her body, knowing that she would enjoy it very much since her body responded to him so strongly. She seemed to purely act on her physical instincts, wanting to distract Jacob, but craving the physical contact, too. In fact, they both desperately needed some escape from their painful reality.

"Leah, stop," Jacob croaked, but she ignored it and slipped her hands under the shirt he had put on for the wedding, gingerly caressing his tight stomach.

"I don't want to…" Leah answered, pecking more kisses along his neckline. She really liked his hard, muscled torso and his hot, smooth skin under the palms of her hands. Leah was confident that she was capable to make him forget even if it was only for a few precious hours. Frankly, Jake's body really turned her on. After all, she hadn't had sex since _Sam_… Leah immediately forced any thoughts of him from her mind.

The longer she held on to Jake and caressed his body, the more he seemed to relax, but the more aroused she became. A gush of moisture dampened the insides of her thighs and she sighed longingly. Damn, if felt so good holding on to his incredibly strong and muscular body.

Jacob inhaled deeply and froze. "Leah," he said irritated, and shook her off like a meddlesome puppy. It didn't scare her away. He was a guy and, being forced to share her pack mates' thoughts, she had learned a lot about the male brain—most of the time it was all about sex. She was familiar with almost every kinky fantasy her pack brothers came up with, as none of them was able to block his thoughts entirely. Even Jacob, whose fantasies mostly orbited around the skinny leech lover, eventually strayed off to biker girls, pole dancers or the like.

As Jacob grabbed her hands and tried to push them away, Leah felt challenged and held on to him even stronger, confident that he would break and give in sooner or later. She wriggled free from his grasp and grabbed the bottom of his shirt with both hands, purposefully brushing against the bare skin of his stomach, and tugged, hard. With a tearing noise, the fabric gave way. The action brought Jacob out of his stupor. He blinked and took a sharp breath as the shirt tore open, surprised by her boldness.

"I can make you forget, Jacob Black," Leah whispered into his ear, causing another shudder running down his back. She lifted one of his massive arms and slipped underneath it, brazenly straddling his thighs. Leah was determined to see this through as it felt so good to be touched like this again. It had been so long that someone had made her feel this way and she desperately needed it.

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oOoOoOo

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Jacob shifted, feeling awkward when she made herself comfortable in his lap, but his body reacted to being so close to a woman. It must be a guy thing, he thought as somehow regardless of his fucked up state of mind it felt nice to have a woman's hands on him, and Leah was some woman, beautiful with a flawless body. She was sexy, slender, and well-conditioned. Her body would drive every man crazy. Why hadn't he recognized before? For the first time, Jacob saw Leah as the woman that she was and not only as his pack mate and—sort of—sister.

He tried to shove her away, but she wouldn't budge an inch. He hated that his body responded to her and in doing so betrayed his feelings for Bell… _her_. All he ever wanted tonight was to wallow in self-pity and to give into the pain and the loss.

Leah took both of her hands and grabbed his face, forcing him to look at her. "I can make you forget," she repeated and with her thumb she brushed his lower lip. As she leaned in for a kiss, Jacob turned his face away. "Stop now, Leah. I don't want you," he barked angrily.

"Liar…" Leah replied, dropping her voice to a seductive whisper, and wrapped her legs tighter around his waist, pressing every inch of her body flush to his. She wiggled in his lap, eliciting a moan from him. At the same time she felt stronger, more powerful and, in a strange way, even content for the first time ever since her change.

Jacob was equally confused and turned on. He had expected Leah to yell at him and some 'what the hell is wrong with you, Black' kind of accusations. Instead she was all over him—naked—kissing, licking, groping, and rubbing.

He could feel her heat through the denim of his shorts as she pressed herself into him, sighing as she did so. The smell of her arousal hit his nostrils, and his eyes rolled back into his head. He still he hesitated. This wasn't what he wanted. She wasn't what he wanted. He better should stop now and—

_[Deleted due to graphic contest. Find the entire scene on TrickyRaven.]_

When it was all over, they crumbled to the ground. His head sank down on her shoulder and he panted heavily, biting back the hoarse sobs that surged through him. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Not this rough and violent and not with Leah…

Leah's hand closed around his, but she didn't say a word. It was strangely reassuring and gave him the feeling that maybe she sort of felt the same.

Very close nearby a twig broke under someone's feet, and their heads jerked up.

They weren't alone anymore…

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**A/N: Now, what do you think? Who walked in on them? Share your thoughts with me.**

**Wishing you a wonderful Christmas time!**


	3. Shattered

**A/N: **

**Warning: Adult themes and language. We own nothing, only our dream of Jacob Black! ****Thanks to the awesome JUL5857 who was kind enough to beta for us. Thanks darling! - JB & Nic**

**Thanks to all those who left us reviews and to the 287 people who clicked and read our story without leaving a review. You know, leaving your authors some nice (or not nice) thoughts is the only way to let us know if we suck or not... LOL Don't be shy. Let us know what you think.**

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**Hostage of Love**

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**Chapter 2**

_**~Shattered~**_

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Bella stood frozen behind Edward, as Seth and Sam shoved a heavily shaking Jake away, dragging and pulling him into the forest. Even though she wanted to run after him, she was rooted in her spot, trying to comprehend what had just happened.

She was still shocked about the way Jacob had looked at her after her revelation of having a _real_ honeymoon. Defeat and despair displayed in his eyes as he grabbed her arms and shook her like a rag doll, hoping it would change a thing. Thinking about the look in his eyes made her chest ache. Bella became very angry with herself that she had started this argument with Jacob at all. She hadn't intended to tell him about it. It had just slipped out when he had mocked her about gambling her life away.

She was startled when Edward grabbed her wrist and pulled her toward the house. He was rough and too fast and she almost fell over her own feet. "You're hurting me," she complained in a small voice, but the pain his grip caused her was nothing compared to the pain she felt in her heart. The further Edward pulled her away from the direction Jacob had gone, the more painful it became. It was comparable to the pain she used to feel when Edward was gone. She bit back a sob and put her free hand over her throbbing heart.

Edward stopped abruptly, looking at her sharply and not even trying to hide what he was feeling. "I want to kill him," he spat. His voice was frightening; hatred marred his features.

For the first time ever, she was afraid of him. _Would he go after Jacob and if so, what would he do?_ "No, Edward," she whimpered and clenched her free hand around his arm.

He loosened the grip around her wrist and bent down to whisper into her ear, "I'm so proud that you finally found the strength to tell him that it is me and only me who you always wanted, that it's me who you cannot live without. What was the dog thinking?" Edward chuckled disdainfully. "In fact, you putting him in his place is the only reason that keeps me from killing him, love." Then he added so quietly, Bella wasn't even sure if she heard right, "He never stood a chance against me."

Bella could not believe what she had just seen in his face and what he had said. _Was this person talking still her Edward?_

He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her with him towards the Cullen Mansion, where Alice was waiting for them, waving frantically. They must have looked like a truly happy couple to their guests. But were they? Why didn't she feel happy? She was supposed to be happy. After all, she got what she wanted, did she not?

For a moment it was as if she could hear the sounds of roaring and the sound of splintering wood, but she wasn't sure. What was going on back there? Her stomach clenched and she was scared, really scared for Jake. By some strange force, her body turned back to the forest, straining to get there.

"Bella, love, everybody is waiting for us. We need to keep up the appearance. Nobody must know what the mongrel tried to do to you," Edward said to her, tightening the grip around her waist.

When she looked up, his face was perfectly blank. Only the dark look in his eyes told her how angry he still was. "OK, Edward," she heard herself whisper, feeling extremely weak and so sad. "How do I look?" She ran her hands over her hair, checking if every pin was still in place, then pressed her palms against her heated cheeks, hoping the blush would disappear.

"Beautiful," he answered, brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear. His eyes lingered on her for a while, before he took her elbow and led her inside. He was much gentler now, but she had noticed this different gloom deep within his eyes and it made her feel uneasy.

As soon as they entered the hall Bella noticed her own reflection in the large windowpane. _Who are you,_ she mentally asked herself? This was supposed to be the best day in her life. How could it turn into such disaster? She stared at herself in the large antique mirror in front of her while she noticed all the commotion around her.

Instantly, all she wanted to do was smash the glass. Suddenly, she felt too disgusted to look at her reflection as she wondered to which extent she must have hurt Jacob with her words and actions tonight—and before—up to this day. To make things worse, having seen his eyes when his friends dragged him away, she feared she had destroyed his spirit. Some friend she was… She was an ugly, a disgusting person.

"It's time for the last dance, ladies and gentlemen," Alice squealed excitedly and the music started to play Michael Bublé's _The Way you look Tonight_.

Bella felt the eyes of her father and mother resting on her as her husband took her in his arms and spun her around to the music. She tried to smile although she didn't felt like smiling, and only Edward and maybe Alice saw that her smile didn't reach her eyes.

Allowing herself a weak moment, Bella closed her eyes, which started to really burn from unshed tears and rested her cheek at her husband's cold, hard chest. She couldn't explain the weary feeling that settled around her heart. She should be happy here with her husband, but right now all she felt was guilt and fear and a longing for Jacob's embrace, for Jacob's heat.

She should have known that he would be devastated by her revelation. Somehow, she still felt his hands in a tight grip around her arms, burning her skin, the remembrance becoming even more intense with Edward's cold body close to her.

As the dance continued she became extremely restless and very concerned. Bella opened her eyes again, searching the room and the illuminated garden for the Wolf pack, but of course they had left already. There was no reason for them to be here.

"Everything will turn out well for him, love. Don't worry about him," Edward murmured into her ear and she nodded reluctantly.

Would Jacob really be better? Would her best friend be able to move on from this? She knew wolves mated for live. Was the love he felt for her similar to the bond a wolf had with his mate? But that was imprinting, right? If a werewolf found his mate it was called imprinting, and Jacob hadn't imprinted on her. So she wasn't his mate for life, right? Bella tried to convince herself that if someday he would imprint he would forget about her, but what if not? No! Jacob would be fine. _He must,_ she prayed silently.

"Sometimes, you have to learn to love what's good for you," her father had told her, once upon a time when Edward was gone. She had already loved Jacob back then, but never realized how much. It only became clear to her when they shared that kiss at the mountain top before the fight with Victoria. But she didn't love him enough, not enough to let go of Edward. That's what she thought, what she believed. But what if… if she had been… what if… she was wrong?

She was very sure about that, if Edward hadn't returned, she would have loved Jacob and eventually would have spent the rest of her life with him. Maybe not immediately, but she would have, that she was sure off. But it was too late now to even think about this possibility. She was married and Jacob would move on eventually, wouldn't he?

When she lifted her head she caught her father's eyes. He looked sad, concern creasing his forehead. They looked at each other for a while until she felt her husband's lips brush over her hair and she shivered, leaning closer into him. She needed to get away from here. Everything would get better when nothing could remind her of Jacob. She had made her choice and it wasn't Jacob.

Bella lifted her head. Edward placed a chaste kiss onto her lips and she felt another shiver run down her spine. No, she repeated, everything has to be alright…

"Come on, come on," Alice said excitedly when the song was over and snatched her out of Edward's arms. "You have to change your clothes. You have to catch your flight." She pulled Bella into their room, where her mother and Esme were waiting, and helped her out of her dress.

Bella sighed in relief as the dress fell from her body, making her feel so much lighter. Alice handed her a pretty midnight blue dress while Esme took care of her wedding dress. Bella's hands were shaking badly and she barely managed to put on her new dress, less alone zip it up. Her mother laughed at Bella, saying, "Honey, it's so darn cute to see you shaking from your nerves."

Bella smiled, trying to control her anxiousness, but failed. Renee finally saw that something seemed wrong with Bella. "Bella, I believe we need to talk," she said sternly and pleadingly looked at Esme and Alice to give them some alone time.

"Ten minutes," Alice chirped, tapping at her watch, and closed the door behind her.

"What's going on, Bella?" Renee asked softly and took her daughter's hands.

Bella sat down on the bed and hung her head low. She sighed deeply and then whispered, "I've been an idiot. That's going on."

"Bella," Renee said probing. "I saw you were arguing with Jacob. He doesn't approve of you getting married, right? Why not Bella?"

Bella shook her head and bit her lips. She couldn't tell her mom in what a difficult situation she had managed to get herself in, but Renee understood like all mothers knew by instinct what was going on in their kids. "This boy loves you and that's why he ran away..."

Bella looked at her mother, freaked out by her observation skills, and Renee… She looked right through her daughter, as suddenly everything fell in place. Jacob running away and then unexpectedly showing up at the wedding, their argument and Edward's angry glare (oh yes, Renee had recognized) and now Bella's devastated condition. "Oh, Bella, why have you hidden this from me? Why have you never told me that you love him too?"

"Mom," Bella whispered, knowing fully well that every word they spoke would be overheard by Edward and her new family. "It does not matter anymore," she said defeated. "I chose Edward. I married him. I love him and I always saw my future with him. Now, I need to give it a real try." As she spoke those words, Renee frowned deeply.

"What is it, Mom?" Bella exclaimed. Only then she noticed that she was sobbing. Shaking with nerves and her anxiety, she fell into her mother's arms, letting her tears flow freely.

Renee held her daughter, tenderly rubbing her back. "Bella, what happened out there? Did Jacob hurt you?"

"No," Bella replied, shaking her head. "He did nothing wrong, Mom. It was me. I said something… stupid… that I shouldn't have said. I hurt him, I hurt him so bad." More huge tears ran down her cheeks.

Renee simply nodded. She didn't judge. "You two are... best friends. You will work it out, you'll see."

Bella's tears didn't stop. She simply couldn't stop crying as she realized that she would never be able to see Jake again, because she wouldn't come back from her honeymoon, because she would be a vampire then—Jake's mortal enemy and dangerous to the people around her. "Mom," she wailed not holding back as panic almost overwhelmed her. "Why do I feel so unhappy?"

"There, there, my poor girl." Renee pulled her daughter into her arms, cradling her like she hadn't done in years.

Slowly, Bella came back to her senses. She knew Alice would be back soon and their guests expected her to be back downstairs in a few. She had to pull herself together. Bella shrugged her shoulders and slipped out of her mother's arms. This would be her future—keeping up appearances.

_Will I ever see you again,_ Bella thought as she wiped away her tears, offering her mom a sad smile. She could have cried all over again, but she fought her tears. She didn't want her mom to remember her crying. She tried to smile. "Jake and I will work it out, Mom... somehow!"

Renee's face revealed that she did not believe her, but she said nothing.

Right on cue, Alice returned and threw her hands up in mock horror. "Bella, you ruined your makeup."

"I know you can fix it, Alice," Bella said evenly. She simply didn't care. Not when inside her heart she kept on crying. Renee was not convinced that Bella was better, but excused herself to go and find Phil and Charlie, finding herself slightly intimidated by Alice's irritated glare.

When she was gone, Alice placed Bella on the chair in front of a huge mirror and quickly removed the bridal veil and the clips that held her hair together. Her hair fell down her shoulders in big waves and Alice smoothed it with her hands, sighing dramatically.

"Can you….can you… see Jake?" Bella eventually asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

Alice shook her head, quickly removing the smudges her mascara had left under her eyes, and pressed her fingers onto Bella's eyes gingerly. It had a cooling effect on her skin that burned from the salty tears.

"You know I can't see him, Bella. I knew that he couldn't behave himself and Edward is more than pissed at him," Alice replied angrily. "And before you start apologizing… Yes, I heard everything. It only confirms my fears for quite a while. You think you love this mutt, Bella, but believe me it's only some kind of straw fire. The one you _truly_ love is my brother and he deserves that you will give your best to make your marriage succeed. Edward and you are meant to be together, don't forget that."

Bella gasped at the sound of Alice's angry voice, swallowing the answer that leaped up her throat and waited on the tip of her tongue. One thing was true, nevertheless, Bella was sorry and she wanted to apologize—but not to Alice or Edward. She wanted to apologize to Jacob, even though it wouldn't change the fact that she had hurt him so much.

The more Bella thought about everything the more positive she was about having to talk to Jake for a last time. She knew that she would never be able to see him again once she was changed and that thought increased the pain in her chest, surpassing any pain she had felt over Edward's leaving.

When Alice was satisfied with the way Bella looked—dress fitting perfectly, her makeup presenting the perfect picture of a happy woman—they went downstairs where Edward was waiting already. He smiled at her proudly and pulled her into a kiss. His cool lips pressed down on her mouth with a little more force than usual and it made her feel almost uncomfortable.

The kiss ended and Bella saw Charlie in the crowd. "Dad," she called out and ran over to him, wrapping her arms around his chest. "I'm going to miss you," Bella sobbed, because she knew that she would never see him again. Her heart hurt so much it was almost unbearable.

"I'm gonna miss you, too, kiddo," Charlie whispered into her ear. "But you'll be back soon. It's not like you'd be gone forever, right?" he said and hugged her tightly, sniffing away some tears. "Hey, I will look after Jake and Billy, don't you worry about that. "

"I love you, Dad. Forever," Bella said and let him go. It was painful, and she didn't want to, but the more she dragged it out, the more their goodbye would hurt.

"Love you more, Bells," Charlie replied, holding on to his smirk. Only red-rimmed eyes told of his tears.

Their car was waiting outside, richly decorated with hundreds of red and white balloons. Even a "Just Married" sign was put onto the car.

Edward took Bella's hand as they ran to the car, shielding her from the rice that showered down upon them. For Bella it felt like the longest run in her life as it took her away from everything that she loved—parents, friends… Jake!

Edward helped her into the car and buckled her in. He grinned at her and whispered, "You're beautiful, Bella Cullen." His voice floated over her, lulling her into a calm, peaceful trance. Befuddled, she lazily smiled back at him and rested her head against the headrest of her seat, but soon enough her nervousness and anxiety started again. The feeling intensified fast.

They were only gone for two or three miles as Bella's anxiety grew a hundredfold. "How much time do we have until the plane leaves?" she asked and turned to look at her husband.

Edward smiled at her, "Three hours. Why do you ask?"

"I need to see Jacob," she burst out and demanded, "I can't leave like that. You have to find him for me."

"What?" Edward asked incredulously, looking at her questioning. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, Edward. I'm sorry, but I really need to…" Bella replied, determined to do just that. She had to see Jacob. She had to see him for one more time.

"That mutt will never get his paws on you again," he yelled at her with a strange glint in his eyes and Bella sank in her seat.

"Just one more time, Edward. Please," she whispered, almost drowning in her feeling of hopelessness.

For a long time, Edward just stared straight forward, his face showing no emotion. He wasn't even blinking. His statuesque attitude suddenly very much reminded Bella of what he really was and today, it somehow gave her the creeps.

Eventually, he snapped out of his state and shook his head, closing his hands tightly around the steering wheel. "This can't be real…" he choked out. "I'm the one you've chosen." A chill ran down her spine and her anxiety grew. "We're married for only a couple of hours and now you want to run after him?" Edward ran his hand through his hair, roughly. His angry glare darkened his honeyed eyes, making her shiver even more. "He doesn't deserve to see you ever again, Bella. Look what he is doing to you! You're a mess."

Bella was stunned by Edward's outburst and once more, she felt a cold shiver running down her spine at what she saw in his eyes. "It's not what you think, Edward. You know how worried I was when he ran away," she whispered. She wrung her hands desperately, willing the tears away that formed in her eyes. She had often ignored Jake's feelings, but today she couldn't. The worry she felt made her stomach roll and her breath accelerate.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. She had learned that he did that when he was feeling uncomfortable or nervous. "You know what, Bella?" he spat aggressively, his voice becoming loud. "To me it looks like a perfect plan. Black played you like an instrument since he very well knows how you'd react. Maybe, he even expects that you come after him. It's a game for him. He can't accept that I won, that you chose me over him."

"NO!" Bella argued defensively. "Jacob isn't like that. I hurt him and I can't leave like that. I couldn't live with myself if he did something rash because of me… I know you can find him. Please…" Bella touched his hand, attempting to plead with him.

Maybe it was her pleading, but suddenly Edward was more than willing to allow her one more visit with Jake. Why was he staring into the woods? Why did his features seem almost happy, smug at the very least? "Okay, I'm going find him for you, but then, my darling, we'll leave," he relented and slowed the car down while listening intently. "I promise you, you will never want to return. Once you're turned, your memories of him will fade away quickly."

"Thank you," Bella murmured, promising to herself that she would never ever forget about Jake. She also wondered what had changed Edward's mind. He was still staring into the forest, but as much as she strained her ears, she couldn't hear a thing, apart from something that sounded like a faint howl from time to time, but that could be the wind as well.

"I know where he is," he said a few minutes later and pulled his car to the side, stopping the engine. He took her hands, pressing them slightly and declared, "I can only take you to the treaty line, but he isn't that far from there, Bella. He will hear you when you get closer." A distant look showed on his face, then a frown. The frown vanished but made place for a short, sarcastic sneer.

"What is it, Edward?" Bella asked anxiously as she opened the door.

"Nothing, love," Edward answered, still intently listening. "Come. I'll lead you there." He was around the car in no time and took her hand, helping her to get out of her seat. He lifted her up in his arms and carried her through the forest.

Bella got dizzy from the speed and buried her face in his hard chest. It was uncomfortable as her head hurt badly. She also started freezing, because her thin dress didn't give much protection against his cold body.

Abruptly, Edward stopped and put her back on her feet. "This is the farthest I can go," he declared. He seemed astonishing relaxed and unconcerned. "You walk straight ahead, Bella. They are very close." Edward pointed somewhere into the darkness, gently nudging her to go into that direction.

"They?" Bella asked without turning around.

"They are a pack, Bella. They wouldn't leave him alone in his state of mind, right?" Edward answered, but there was something in his voice she didn't like. There was a smugness she had never heard before either. Somehow, he looked too pleased, too smug, and almost sly. It confused Bella profoundly as she was getting even more worried and deeply concerned about her friend.

Reluctantly, Bella started to walk, stopped, waited, took some more steps and stopped again. It was a full moon and the forest was tinted in a pale light. It was enough to help her see where she walked so she wouldn't trip and fall.

She jumped when suddenly she heard a high-pitched shriek and a deep guttural growl very close nearby. "What was that?" she asked breathless, pressing her hand over her hammering heart and turned around to look back at Edward. Almost hidden from the darkness, she could only see him, because of his white skin that reflected the moonlight. Edward nodded encouraging. "Just go ahead," he called quietly.

Bella finally walked. All she was thinking about was finding Jacob. She took slow, cautious steps forward, following the direction her husband had directed her to go. "Jacob?" she called out, fear creeping up her spine. She received no answer, but those strange, startling noises that conjured up a strange heat in her belly. The hoarse grunts and growls settled in her body like little shocks, drawing her closer and frightening her at the same time.

She finally registered that the noises she heard very much sounded like a couple having sex, her suspicion was being confirmed when she heard a male voice bellow his lust through the entire forest. She wanted to bolt and run, not wanting to barge in on the lucky couple, but her feet dragged her forward, curiosity getting the better of her.

This was when she saw him!

She was not able to move or say anything. In fact, she could not remember how to breathe for a moment. The scene in front of her was incredible and she was in utter shock. After the last groan it suddenly became very silent and she only heard her own harsh breathing.

She shoved away a branch with her hands to get a better look and then a twig broke under her feet. Taking in the tiny meadow before her, she stared at them: Jacob lying on top of Leah. Both were naked, panting, and entangled with each other, wearing scratch and bite marks on their sweat-covered bodies. Bella gasped aghast at this sight.

Their heads whipped around simultaneously. "Bells…" Jake choked out, clearly in shock about seeing her here. Leah groaned in annoyance and covered her face with her hands, rubbing it irritated.

Slowly, Jacob sat up and his face became an almost emotionless mask as he stared at defiantly. His hand rested on Leah's hip, squeezing it slightly. The intimate gesture made Bella feel like an intruder.

Not bothering with his nakedness, he got up. Everything about him was deliberate provocation and that hard 'dare you' look on his face made her skin crawl. Bella blushed fiercely as she saw his body in all its glory, the pale moonlight giving it an alluring shimmer.

Painfully slowly, Jacob reached for something that lay on the ground, not even attempting to hide his manhood from her. He put a shirt around Leah's shoulder in a caring gesture, then searched for his pants and slipped them on.

"Don't you think you're at the wrong party, Mrs. _Cullen_?" he asked snidely, finally breaking the silence, fastening his pants.

Bella flinched at his words and the cold tone in his voice. She clenched her hands, her nails biting into her palms. They stared at each other again until the silence became painful. It hurt to see him with Leah, but why to blame him? She opened her mouth, but nothing came out but a broken, "Jake…"

For a moment, the emotionless mask of his face fell and the look in his eyes told her everything—his hurt and disgust, the anger and despair, his love and also… shame. Then his face was as cold and hard as before.

Leah stood up and came to stand beside Jacob. Holding the shirt together before her chest, she addressed Bella calmly and similar emotionless, "I think you better go now."

Bella had never felt that humiliated before. She flinched again and stuttered, "I… I'm sorry, Jake, I am so sorry... I didn't want to… I… I needed…I wanted… to see you and talk to you… but I… It doesn't change a thing." A strangled sob escaped her throat as she turned around and ran back the path she came from. She hoped that Jake would call after her, but he didn't. She hoped that maybe he would follow her, but he didn't. She fell, twice, but he wasn't there to pick her up.

Tears ran down her face when she returned to the treaty line and the spot where Edward waited for her. "Edward," she choked out, blinded by her tears.

"What is it, love?" he asked concerned and wrapped his arms around her. She fell into his embrace, sobs shaking her small body.

"Take me away from here," she demanded tiredly and, without saying a word, Edward lifted her up and carried her back to the car. Gingerly, he placed her on her seat and buckled her in.

A moment later, he started the car, content that he had made the right decision when he let her walk in on the mutt fucking the pack bitch. He felt excited, knowing that seeing her 'best friend' like this had been the final straw for Bella to realize that she truly belonged to him, Edward, that he was the one she needed and loved, that he was the only one that could take care of her and treat her right, and he was going to make sure that she would forget about this dog once and for all.

Bella had her eyes closed exhaustedly. She didn't see her husband's satisfied, smug smile. She didn't see the triumph in his eyes. She didn't know that he intently listened to Jacob's thoughts; that he was basking in her friend's regret and pain. She didn't hear him thinking about a filthy dog having learned his lesson…..


	4. So let it Be

**A/N: Here's the next installment. Jacob/Bella-only shippers - please bear with us. Everything happens for a reason. Remember, we labeled it Jacob/Bella - you will get Jacob/Bella. Promise. We also want to ask you to be open and try to see Leah through our eyes. We always found that S.M. put her in a really bad light, but she's so much more than the angry, bitchy girl.**

**Chapter warning: Discusses autoaggression (DSH). Don't read if this offends you in any way.**

**Thanks to our amazing beta JUL5857. She's having a hard time with us German gals. LOL If you find any errors, blame it on us and our last-minute changes... *giggles***

**Nic & JB**

**P.S. We're so happy about your reviews. If yours isn't answered yet, blame it on me only. I'll be a good girl and try to catch up on answering your reviews. *blushes* I'm such a nut... Nic.**

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_Song Idea for this chapter: Massive Attack, Psyche_

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**Chapter 3**

_**~ So let it Be ~**_

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The leech lover did want she could do the best: She ran away. Leah hadn't expected any different from her. With her coming here she had managed to break Jacob even more. He stood motionless and stared after Bella. His hands were clenched to fists. He was shaking, itching to run after her.

"Shit," Leah uttered. "I'm sorry, Jake." Her compassion came from the bottom of her heart.

They both could hear Bella trashing through the woods and Leah put her hand on Jacob's shoulder when Bella fell with a cry and he jerked forward on instinct. They also smelled the faint scent of her leech which made it completely clear that she hadn't come on her own. At least, the leech had respected the treaty line, because if he hadn't neither she nor Jacob wouldn't have tolerated the breach of treaty. No, not today.

Jacob vibrated with suppressed anger and when he heard Bella's strangled "Take me away from here," he flinched and hunched over. Car doors closed, and then the car roared to life, speeding away with screeching tires.

"FUCK!" Jacob yelled, finally letting go of his fury. His fists smashed into the tree nearby, randomly first, then deliberately hackling it to shreds. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

"Don't, Jacob. You're hurting yourself." Leah wrapped her arms around his middle, trying to make him stop, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't pull him away. Nevertheless, Leah was determined to not let him go on like that. No matter how much he hurt over the leech lover, inflicting damage on yourself never did any good. She knew from her own experiences.

.

.

.

Jacob didn't care that Leah tried to pull him away, nor did he really recognize Leah in his wrath. He wanted to hurt. It was all he ever felt anyway. His fists made contact with the next tree.

He was upset and disgusted with himself for the words he had spat at Bella. He hadn't wanted to be such a jerk, but shame and regret made him lash out without thinking. If he had paid more attention to the things around him, she wouldn't have needed to find him with Leah. How much had she seen? How long had she watched them? He couldn't stop thinking about the way Bella had looked at him and the horror in her eyes finding him like _this_…

Why had she come? What did she want? What made her leave her wedding party and come after him? Had she finally come to her senses and wanted to let him know that she had chosen HIM?

Jacob laughed bitterly. "It doesn't change a thing," she had said, before she turned around and fled. Her words echoed in his ears, mocking him, taunting him. _It doesn't change a thing._ But of course not... She didn't love him enough. He wasn't what she needed. He wasn't enough. Wishing she would choose him was a hope beyond hope.

_So why, for crying out loud, why did she come here?_ This thought wouldn't leave him alone. She must have had a reason. At least, she should have had the guts to explain herself. But no, she ran away as if he wasn't worth the effort. She ran away as if he didn't mean a fucking thing, as if he was nothing. She was so damn good at running away, running back to her leech husband.

Jacob couldn't take it anymore, and he pummeled the third tree methodically. Left. Right. Left. Skin meeting bark, bone meeting trunk. His skin wasn't impenetrable; he felt his skin break and start bleeding.

"Jacob, don't," Leah said and moved beside the battered fir. He had forgotten that she was here and he stopped so he wouldn't hit her instead of the tree. Looking up, he recognized her compassion and concern which made him feel even worse. He didn't need her pity, and he sure as hell didn't want her to feel sorry for him.

Lowering his head, attempting to hide his emotional turmoil, he noticed the raw flesh of his hands. He was bleeding like stuck pick. "Fuck," he muttered and all strength and fury left him when realizing the darn senselessness of his situation. His legs gave out under him and he dropped to the ground. Burying his bleeding hands in his hair, he pulled his head onto his knees, wanting to disappear, to dissolve into nothingness, to turn back the time and make things undone. _He should have jumped when he had the chance… _

Jacob noticed he was crying, bawling like a baby to be precise. Not only did he have to endure this pain, his memories, and his regret, _she_ was making him weak in the worst way. She made him cry and he hadn't cried ever since the night his mother died. He felt emasculated, humiliated, and the worst part was that he wasn't alone in this moment of weakness.

He slightly lifted his head, wiping his wet cheeks dry at his pants. Leah sat beside him. She wasn't too close, let him have his space and he was grateful for that, but still she was witnessing his breakdown.

"I'm sorry. It was not my place to send her away," she said, cautiously, as if expecting him to explode again.

Jacob shrugged his shoulders. "Don't be sorry," he responded, feeling raw and stripped. "She left to become a leech. She doesn't belong here anymore…" His voice broke.

Leah shifted, her head turning bright red for a change. "She came to see you. Maybe, if I hadn't… and she hadn't seen it…"

Jake jerked around and looked at Leah fully. "Leah, stop. Don't even start with that." Eyeing his swollen, bleeding knuckles, he stated coldly, "She only came here to ease her conscience. I've had it with her I'm sorry's. I mean nothing to her. I wasn't enough. I'm not what she wants and I certainly don't need her pity."

"I know how you're feeling, Jacob. I know how much you hurt." Leah slowly inched closer and took his hands between her own, inspecting the damage he had done to himself. He let her. It would only be a matter of minutes, an hour at max, until his wounds were healed anyway.

When she turned his hand, looking at it from all sides, she revealed the insides of her wrists. Small, pale lines—scars from long-healed cuts—crossed the tender flesh repeatedly.

"Leah." He inhaled sharply, grabbing her arms so fast, she couldn't pull them away anymore. Jacob searched his memories, trying to remember if he ever caught a glimpse of Leah inflicting those wounds on herself.

She blushed embarrassed and jerked away, wrapping her arms around her knees.

"Why did you…?" Jacob asked and Leah pressed her lips into a thin line, making it obvious what her scars were about. "Because of Sam?"

"Yes," Leah answered briskly.

Jacob could tell that she wasn't up for a conversation and that she hated to even think about Sam and how he had treated her, but he had to ask anyway. "Did you do it because he left you?"

"What do you think, Black?" Leah yelled at him, eyes shooting daggers. "That's none of your business. Let it go, alright?"

"Stop being a bitch again, Clearwater. We're in the same boat, remember?" Jacob responded, rubbing his temples. His head started to hurt, badly. "Tell me. Does it get better some day?"

Leah laughed, loudly, sharply and desperately. "Do I look alright to you? No. It doesn't. Not for me anyway."

Jacob cocked his head to the side and nodded. He could emphasize so much. "That's what I thought," he whispered hoarsely. He might not have imprinted on Bella, but his feelings ran just as deep, and comparing his feelings for Bella with Leah's feelings for Sam, he knew that Leah had suffered the same.

"What made you stop, Leah?" Jacob asked, gliding his fingers over his wrists. "Why did we never see anything of it when we are phased?" He realized how difficult it must have been for Leah. She had nobody to talk to and the whole pack treated her less than civil. Gosh, what pricks they all were. He felt a rush of emotions going through him and he truly was interested in what she was thinking and feeling. He wanted to know, wanted to learn what went on in Leah's head. After all, maybe… just maybe he could try to forget about Bel… _her_.

"I didn't want him to have that power over me. In hurting myself I gave him that power." Leah declared, shrugging her shoulders, and laid her cheek onto her knees. Then she whispered, "I stopped because I was hurting my parents with what I did to myself. My father was totally out his mind when he found me cutting myself that one day." She closed her eyes, trying to hide that painful memory from him. "I don't think about it ever. I'm not proud of what I've done and I don't want anyone to know. I banned if from my thoughts."

Unexpectedly, she grabbed his hand, pressing hard, making him wince in pain. "Don't you ever, ever tell anybody about his," she threatened him fiercely, before she let go of his hand.

"Dammit," he cursed, shaking his throbbing hand, but nodded, understanding the pain and despair she was feeling. Then he inspected his hands again, the cuts and bruises were healing quite nicely and he wondered what his father would say if he ever found out what he were about to do tonight. His running away had been hard enough for him already. What if he had pulled through with his death wish? Would his father have been strong enough to survive losing his only son? His sister, Rachel, was coming home next week. She for sure would prefer still having a brother then… How was it again? Suicide was a coward's way out? The guilt Jacob felt crashing down on him was immense.

No, Jacob wouldn't put his father through this. He would welcome the pain about Bella's loss as pain had been part of him for so long already, ever since she chose death over him. So be it, he thought grimly, the pain he felt in his heart at his moment almost crushing him completely. She had ripped his heart to pieces, but he would live with whatever there was left. After all, giving up wasn't in his nature.

"They will all know we got it on…" Leah murmured, eventually breaking the silence, twisting a strand of her hair in her fingers. "Sam will be so pissed off when he finds out."

"Yeah," Jacob agreed, a sudden feeling of rebellion and triumph perking up in him. She had given him what his brothers lusted for. It wasn't a secret that Leah fueled their fantasies. It also wasn't a secret that Sam still thought about Leah, that he couldn't forget about her completely. He waved his hand dismissively. "I guess they'll have to live with that."

"Right," Leah chuckled. "But I almost feel sorry for Seth…"

"Hmm." Jacob really felt uncomfortable about that, wondering how he would be feeling if his brothers had sex with his sisters. He shuddered at the thought. That really would be awkward.

"I wasn't too rough with you, was I? I'm sorry, if I…" Jacob blurted out, thinking that he had handled Leah like a madman.

"No. No," she assured, smirking. "You were great. Really!"

He couldn't help himself but to be honestly proud of himself. After all, it had been his first time, but when he relived those minutes he was suddenly overcome by the realization that they had sex without using protection!

"Shit!" he called out and jumped up. His heart hammered in his chest as he faced Leah who stared at him in annoyance.

"What's wrong with you, Black?" she drawled irritated.

"I didn't pull out," Jacob confessed, wishing the ground would open and swallow him up. "I'm such a fucking idiot! Leah…" he gulped. "I'm taking full responsibility, alright? If you… if…"

"Shut up," she interrupted, and even though it was still dark, he could see her face darkening in a deep red. "In case you didn't recognize. I'm a dead end… Don't worry. You won't get me pregnant."

Feeling awkward and relieved likewise, Jacob sat down next to Leah and nudged her with his shoulder slightly, attempting to comfort her. Should he ask her about it? Ask, if it mattered to her? After all, it could be a tender subject. Jacob realized how little he actually knew about Leah and for some reason, he wished it was different.

Of her own accord, she said, "Phasing pretty much fucked up my life and all of my plans. I wanted to go to College so that I could help my Dad running the Tribal Affairs. I even had my scholarship at WSU. When I was 30 I wanted to be married to Sam, live in my own house and have our first child." She shook her head, balling her hands to fists. "Look where I ended up. I'm stuck on this reservation with no father, no college degree, and no fiancé and... and…"

Her voice broke and Jacob wrapped his arm around her shoulders, expecting her to shrug him off. To his surprise she leaned into his touch, for a moment only, and then she pulled back, asking, "What were your plans?"

Jacob shrugged his shoulders, picking at his crust-covered hands. "Nothing spectacular. Mainly, graduating school, maybe working as a mechanic. Later on opening my own car shop… Only after phasing did I realize how my live could have turned out if I hadn't…"

For a moment, Jacob and Leah just sat together, each plunging into their own misery.

Her next question caught him off-guard. "I was wondering if what happened earlier was a one-time thing?" she asked, suddenly sounding insecure and vulnerable.

At a loss of words, Jacob shrugged his shoulders, again, curling and flexing his aching fingers, feeling the bones cracking underneath the sore skin. "Dunno," he finally croaked.

"I will probably always love Sam," Leah began. "Hell, I don't know if I even want to date ever again…"

Jacob remained silent, feeling uncomfortable with the turn of the conversation.

"But, you know…" Their eyes met and Leah said bluntly, "Fucking you was the best thing that happened to me in a long time, and it made me forget about him quite effectively."

"Is that so?" For a moment, his face lit up as he grinned sheepishly.

"Yeah," she answered.

Then, they fell silent again, sitting beside each other, each thinking their gloomy thoughts.

Jacob wasn't sure if he wanted to indulge in anything close to a relationship yet, or ever, even when it was only about simply meeting their physical needs, but on the other hand… Leah was right. The sex had distracted him for a while and he needed to forget about Bella—if that was even possible.

He still loved Bella and he couldn't imagine giving his heart to another woman, but he had to try to move on. He had to try for his father and maybe even for his friends, his pack. Problem was, right now he couldn't see a future for him that had no Bella in it. The thought hurt so much. It was impossible.

He studied Leah's features. If she had survived losing Sam and his father had survived losing his wife, shouldn't he be strong enough to survive losing Bella? Again, he saw how attractive Leah was and the longer they sat here the better he got to know her, learning that she was just as interesting and attractive on the inside.

.

.

.

It was still dark, but being in tune with nature they could feel the new morning coming. His eyes fell on a cobweb covered in dewdrops. Tiny water droplets ran along the web, finally merging into one large droplet, suspending from a delicate thread. How much more charge could it take before it would tear? Would the thread rip at all or was it more likely that its heavy burden dropped down, threatening it no more?

Early morning birds started to sing their songs, totally oblivious of what the day would bring to them. Looking forward and living each day as it was coming was in their nature. Should this new morning also be the beginning of a new period in his life? Did he really want to let go of Bella? Was he ready?

"Bella is… was… it for me." Jacob finally said with a sad grimace at the break of dawn. "We would have been right for each other. I was her natural path."

"I know that." Leah stood up and wrapped the torn shirt tightly around her body. She laid her head back and inhaled deeply, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. "You're not the jerk I thought you were, Jake…" She said, looking at him over her shoulder.

Jacob cleared his throat, feeling awkward when he realized that he was staring at her long, toned legs. "You're not that bad, either."

"We can be friends…" she suggested, her voice wavering just a little as she started walking up and down in front of him.

"Friends?" he asked, dumbfounded. When had Leah ever offered someone her friendship? He honestly couldn't remember.

"Yeah, friends with benefits," Leah said bluntly, running her hands through her hair. "A girl has needs, you know?"

A feeling of guilt rushed over him. He felt as if he was betraying Bella. _Fuck her,_ he thought, feeling bitter and snorted sarcastically. Bella had run away, she had married another. He should move on. He wouldn't wait for her, alright? She wouldn't come back anyway. SHE was throwing her life away. SHE wanted to be one of _them_. Why the fuck was HE feeling guilty? What the hell was wrong with him? But he knew it would never change, he would never be able to purge himself of Bella. Bella was his entire existence. He loved her with every ounce of his being. He would have to learn how to live with this pain in his heart… Always.

Suddenly, he had the feeling that his emotions were going to slither out of control again, and he couldn't allow that. He wouldn't cry, not in front of someone, not ever again. He was done being the pathetic wimp who was pining for a girl that would never love him back.

He straightened up and addressed Leah with a stern voice, "No strings attached."

"No feelings involved," she agreed, stopping in front of him.

He didn't like that he had to look up at Leah. It made his skin crawl. It didn't feel right. He shifted his position, trying to ignore the feeling, but his wolf still was too close to the surface and he couldn't stop the low growl.

Leah crouched down, sensing his irritation. A gush of air brushed over him, bringing her scent to his attention. He could smell their mingled juices on her body and damn, if that wasn't a turn on. His eyes quickly moved over her and he recognized the slick trail of wetness dampening her inner thighs. Fuck, he wanted to do her again.

Remembering how his pain had moved into the background when they were fucking, he took her hand and pulled her closer. "We should seal our deal," he rasped.

"We should definitely do that," Leah answered in a low, seductive voice and leaned in for a kiss. Their lips met, igniting the same fire as before.

_[Deleted scene due to graphic content. Find entire chapter on TrickyRaven dot ning dot com] _

They wanted to forget and feel some peace of mind and satisfaction as they both were too emotionally exhausted to go on like this any longer without being able to fight against it.

.

.

.

That night, they forged a bond that would work out quite well for them. At least they hoped.

Jake learned that sometimes you found friends when you the least expected it. Leah made him remember that there were people in his life he could trust completely. He would let go of Bella and accept that he had lost her to another man, that she was responsible for her own actions. He knew that he would carry his love for her in his heart forever. He learned to accept that life indeed would go on without her, but most importantly, he learned that having lost a fight didn't necessarily mean being defeated.

Losing Bella made him bitter, but also very strong. He secretly promised himself that he would never ever give his heart away again—no woman should ever be able to hurt him like this.

Leah knew what she was getting herself into. She didn't expect or demand that Jacob fell in love with her. Their newfound relationship was based on their physical needs only; her heart would always belong to Sam.

.


	5. Painful Truth

_Disclaimer:__ All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. __No copyright infringement is intended._

_**Rated: MA**_

_**Chapter Warnings: Can't deal with an emotional abusive Edward? Stay out. Naaa, it's not THAT bad. **_

_**Thanks**__** to our dearest beta JUL5857. Julie, you're the best. **_

_**Nic & JB**_

.

_Musical inspiration to this chapter: The Way out is Through, Nine Inch Nails_

* * *

**Hostage of Love**

.

_A__ll I've undergone  
I will keep on_

_Underneath it all  
We feel so small  
The heavens fall  
But still we crawl_

_All I've undergone  
I will keep on_

_.  
_

_The Way out is Through, Nine Inch Nails_

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**Chapter 4**

**~ Painful Truth ~**

**.  
**

The ride to the airport was quiet. She shivered uncontrollably, couldn't feel a thing but the shock about what she had seen.

Why did Jacob tell her that he was in love with her, when he obviously had a thing going with Leah? Wow, she would have never guessed that at all. She had believed him when he told her he would fight for her until her heart stopped beating. She had felt bad for her best friend, thinking her going away with Edward would cause him pain.

Bella had seen the pain and devastation in his eyes, when his friends had dragged him away from the party, but when she ran after him he had been with Leah, fucking the living daylights out of her. It didn't make sense at all. Whenever she had looked into Jake's eyes, there only had been sincerity and pure love for her, Bella. When had that changed? How had that changed?

She hadn't thought that Jacob would be the kind of guy that had sex with a girl he wasn't in love with. She even had considered him inexperienced and innocent. How could he sleep with Leah when he was in love with her? Clenching her hands into the car seat, she corrected herself. Jake didn't 'sleep' with Leah or romantically made love to her. He had fucked her like an animal. Not that Bella really knew… but she had expected sex to be different. Was it really like this? This kind of rough?

The thought somehow terrified her. When you let loose like that then it really was dangerous for her to be intimate with Edward. She was too fragile being handled like that. Heck, seeing Jake pounding into Leah like a berserk, she wondered how Leah managed to deal with it at all.

But being Bella, she shoved these thoughts away. Edward wasn't like that. He was a gentleman; he would be careful and stop rather than hurt her. Bella was more disappointed in what Jacob had done. She had been so naive to believe her friend would be devastated or furious. Apparently, having a nookie in the middle of the woods had been of more importance than a last clearing talk with his best friend. She had been willing to make her amends, but after Leah rudely sent her away, her mouth was glued, her mind blank.

Obviously, the bomb she had dropped on him about having sex with Edward hadn't been so important to him like he had said. She never understood what Jacob saw in her anyway. In Leah, Bella was sure, Jacob had found the better girl. She was his equal, being a werewolf herself and all… How could she have been so wrong? What made her think that Jacob would be pining over her? Had it been a game for him? His declaration of love, his will to fight for her until her heart stopped beating—were they only words? Or was it part of his plan to keep her from becoming a vampire at all costs? She knew how much he hated that thought, but she also knew that he was sincere when he told her over and over that he loved her. She felt it in her heart too.

Still, she didn't understand a thing anymore. She was confused, felt hurt and rejected, but why? She had chosen Edward over Jacob. She had married him for crying out loud. Then why did it hurt so much when she thought of Jacob, why was there this ache in the pit of her stomach? Seeing Jacob with Leah had hurt so much more than she ever thought possible. She should be happy that that he was moving on, but she just still couldn't understand…

Seeking refuge from her pain, she let herself fall into numbness, casting herself away into the familiar blackness that had been her constant companion during the months Edward was gone. Refusing to even look at her husband she slowly drifted off to sleep.

.

+o+o+

.

Bella refused to fully wake up at the airport, numbly letting Edward handle the check-in, drifting in and out of sleep, and only allowed herself to wake up from her stupor when they landed in Rio. Their journey didn't end there, Edward explained with a proud look upon his face. A ride with the taxi, then Edward maneuvering a modern, expensive looking motor boat through the dark ocean in the middle of the night, they headed for their final destination.

He did all the talking, telling her a story about the island that Carlisle had given to Esme, and which they were allowed to spend their time on during their honeymoon. Bella didn't listen at all, all she felt was an icy numbness possessing her body and mind.

Finally, the island appeared before her eyes. The house (similar to the Cullen's home in Forks) was illuminated, its doors open, inviting them in. Edward wrapped his arms around her. "You're cold, love," he mumbled, concern etching his face. He carried her into the house, walking straight through the hall and into a big bathroom. "I'm going to run you a bath. Why are you freezing? We're in Rio, love. It's August and it's hot, why are you freezing?"

She didn't respond to him. When he put her on her feet, she kept standing, not being able to even crook a single finger. In her mind, she saw Jacob moving over Leah, strong muscles rippling under smooth skin, and then the hateful look in his eyes, when he recognized her watching them. Bella shuddered and groaned. Slowly sliding to the floor, she covered her head with her arms, wanting to disappear into soothing nothingness. What was wrong with her?

"Love, your bath is ready," Edward said and she was lifted up by icy hands, her jacket being stripped off from her body. She felt his nose skimping along her jaw and neck. Then a menacing hiss filled the silence and he retreated, leaping backwards, practically crashing into the bathroom wall. "This filthy mutt," he spat, looking at her with so much hatred in his eyes she shrank back in fear. "He left marks on you and you still carry his stink on you."

Bella crossed her arms before her body defensively, but for the first time since they had left Forks her body was warming up. She studied her arms, noticing purple bruises—imprints left by Jacob's fingers. The sight shocked her, sending a jolt of electricity through her and she closed her tiny hands around her upper arms reflexively, splaying her fingers out to grasp as much as she could. They were the last reminder she had of Jacob. Was it wrong when she wanted to hold onto it for a little while longer?

"He left his marks on you, polluted you…" Edward sputtered exasperated and in this moment his face was really ugly in his fury. Eyebrows drawn tightly together, eyes clenched to small slits, lips curled back revealing his gleaming, venomous teeth. "I can't believe I did not kill him right there. He should have been punished for touching you on our Wedding Day," he spat.

"That's ridiculous. What are you talking about?" she replied, her voice loud and shrill.

His eyes were pitch-black with fury as he stood with his clenched fists in the corner of the tiny, but exuberantly refurbished bathroom. Trying to regain his control and composure, he whispered, "The mongrel touched what is mine."

"Don't call him that. He has a name," Bella screamed enraged. She couldn't take it anymore. "And I'm not a prize you won. I've chosen you, Edward, but for the life of me… right now, I don't see the reason why…"

"You're nervous, love, upset with what you've seen. Don't be. We're going to talk when you've calmed down, love. You're not yourself right now." Edward spun around and left the bathroom. The door slammed shut, making Bella wince.

She just stood there and faced the door, staring after Edward in disbelief. Slowly, she let her arms drop and looked at the bruises—perfectly displaying Jacob's long fingers. His face appeared in her mind, pleading with her to overthink her decision concerning her wedding night. What had she done?

Trancelike, she slipped out of her dress and undergarments and sat down in the bathtub. The hot water engulfed her, smooth bubbles caressing her skin. Closing her eyes, she couldn't stop the pictures in her head, running like a movie, showing her again and again what she had witnessed in the woods.

She sobbed, feeling pain and regret. Her last time with Jacob shouldn't have been like that. She had wished for a goodbye with best wishes and heartfelt "I love you" and "I will never forget you". She had wished that Jacob would understand and forgive her.

Bella's thoughts were all over the place and suddenly a new question came up in her mind. How did it come that Edward didn't know where he was sending her in to? He must have heard what was going on in the forest. Dammit! Even she had heard it! Why hadn't he stopped her? Edward, old-fashioned and seemingly prude, should have stopped her and not let her walk in on them…

She gasped, whispering, "He did it on purpose." Everything made sense now. This strange glint in his eyes when he finally agreed that she could see Jacob once more. His careless behavior in the woods as he let her walk, unprotected, while he stayed behind using the treaty to his excuse.

"You did this on purpose," she repeated, speaking louder this time. He would hear her. She knew that he was right out there, hovering close to the bathroom door. She could feel him, as she always felt when he was near. For the first time, she noticed the cold shiver in the back of her neck as what it was. Her body clearly told her that something dangerous was near. She had only always ignored the warning, misinterpreted the tingling as a sign of joy. But joy shouldn't send cold shivers down her spine, shouldn't make the tiny her hairs in her neck stand on end…

Panicking, she climbed out of the bathtub and wrapped the large towel she found in one of the cabinets tightly around her body. The door opened a crack and she spun around, startled, but he only shoved her suitcase in, closing the door without saying a word. Relieved that she wouldn't have to face him yet, she opened the suitcase and searched for something comfortable to wear, only to find that Alice had replaced each and every piece of Bella's wardrobe with new stuff that absolutely wasn't Bella's style.

Again, she couldn't hold back her tears as she pulled out a blue jersey dress and a white knitted sweater—the closest things to comfortable—and only found flimsy lace lingerie to wear underneath. Putting these clothes on, she felt like a lamb lead to the slaughter. How pathetic was that? She huffed seeing her reflection in the mirror. Pathetic, real pathetic. It was time to clear some things up, but at the same time she was nervous, sensing the discussion would change everything.

"Feeling better, love?" he asked as soon as she stepped out of the bathroom and into the hall.

She contemplated for a moment what he asked and felt the anger rise from deep down of the pit of her stomach "Do I feel better?" she asked back. "Do I feel better?" She was getting hysteric and close to freaking out. The last several hours, no, the last several days in fact, had just been too much for her. The stress of the wedding preparations, the actual wedding, the talk with Renee, meeting Jake, fighting with Jake, recognizing Jake's heart shattering and his brothers desperately pulling him away, the pain in his eyes… OMG, and finding Jake going at it with Leah.

She couldn't ignore this strange ever increasingneed for Jake and she also couldn't ignore anymore that Edward was making her… _feel wrong?_ There was this tiny voice in her head, her own voice, whispering repeatedly that she couldn't breathe as easy with Edward, that she wasn't warm with him, that she wasn't laughing with him the way she was laughing with Jake, and only rarely did she feel at ease and really comfortable around her husband.

Why had she been so stupid? Why didn't she pay any attention to herself and to what she really wanted, to what she really needed? Now that she was married and it was too late to change anything, it became painful to realize that her feelings for her best friend were... _more_. Why did those thoughts seem to be getting clearer only now? Why not before?

"How could you, Edward? You knew what Jacob was doing! How could you let me walk in on them?" she screamed and before she knew it, she threw one of those ridiculous strappy sandals she still held in her hands at her husband. One managed to hit him in his chest, the other shoe he had caught, letting it drop to the floor in a careless gesture.

"Relax, love. I can explain…" He said patronizingly and held his hands up, trying to soothe her. It only enraged her more.

"What's there to explain, Edward?" she screeched her voice shrill with aggravation and hurt. "How could you do this to me? How could you do this to Jake?"

.

+o+o+

.

Edward blinked, surprised that his laid-back and calm Bella screamed at him like a harpy and even threw her shoes at him. He should be amused, instead a slight annoyance with her behavior showed on his face. He didn't appreciate that his wife talked to him like that, but she was still young and he had all the time in the world teaching her how to behave around him.

"I wanted you to see the he's not worth it," he said to her dismissively. He was done allowing his wife to pine after another man. He would make her stop that, even when it would be hard for her, but she belonged to him now and he wouldn't let her go anymore. "Do you want to know what he was thinking? You didn't cross his mind at all." Edward lied, blatantly. "All he was thinking about was how deep he could ram himself into that bitch," he stated coldly. Only he would ever know that with every thrust the mongrel was trying to force Bella from his mind. It didn't faze him that Bella winced and fresh tears sprang from her eyes. She would soon forget about her so-called best friend, he was sure of it.

"Oh, God," she gasped and paled, shocked by his crude words. Her arms flew up to wrap around her chest. Unknowingly, her hands covered the place where those marks were, and Edward felt his temper spiking. He grabbed Bella's arm and pulled her into the huge living room, gentle enough to not hurt her, but hard enough to let her know how mad he was.

Remembering what he had seen in Jacob's head made him furious. The mutt had no right wanting Bella. Bella was HIS! He had won and nobody and nothing would ever be able to take Bella away from him now. Had he been willing to give her up, before the wedding, now he wouldn't.

It was Jacob's luck that Edward hadn't recognized her bruises earlier. If he weren't as far away he would approach the mutt and kill him. But then, it would be a better punishment for the mongrel to let him live on with his guilt. Catching Jacob's thoughts in departing, he had heard how guilty the boy felt, how remorseful he was for what he had done, how he hated that Bella had seen them.

"How could you, Edward? He was naked and I saw his..." Bella was totally upset and beside herself. Waving her hand frantically, she blushed deeply, coughing embarrassed, before she choked out, "DICK!"

Edward forced himself to keep up a relaxed, controlled stance, although he was boiling inside. That had been a risk he had been willing to take. "It doesn't matter anymore, Bella. You're married to me now."

Looking at these marks triggered something primal deep inside Edward, urging him to leave his marks on his wife, to make her his for once and all times. He approached her slowly, thinking that after all it was their wedding night and that she had been begging for the real experience.

She smelled so delicious today, ripe like a fruit ready to be picked up and eaten. Her smell made his mouth water and his groins ache and he fought hard not to pounce on her and just take her. Did she know that tonight her body was fertile and willing to take a man's seed? He groaned, for a moment giving in to the fantasy of her body swollen with his child. It was sick, because he knew he wasn't able to father a child anymore. His body was dead, as dead as can be, but the predator in him nevertheless marveled in the sight of her huge, frightened eyes as she stared at him, seeing and realizing his internal struggle.

But he loved her. He didn't want to do her any harm. Why was he thinking about taking her when she was so mad at him that she wouldn't agree to his advances? Or maybe she wanted him nevertheless, and all he needed to do was making the first move? He stepped closer and her scent hit him like a brick wall. He smelled her fury, desperation, but mostly he smelled her fear as she shrank back in the farthest corner of the couch. Why was she afraid of him now? Had she finally realized that he was a monster? He had tried to tell her all along. Had she now recognized the true monster she married?

He now realized that her fear in fact smelled very appealing to him and that her blood was calling to him more than ever. He felt his vampire nature breaking free. All he could think about anymore was sinking his teeth into her throat, to drink her blood, to finally taste what had drawn him to her in the first place. He might just really consider changing her tonight, their first night as man and wife so she would be forever his.

.

+o+o+

.

She was scared and her heart pounded furiously as he stalked closer ever so slowly. Paralyzed, she sat down on the couch, not able to move a single finger or even inhale deeply enough. It didn't take her longer than two seconds to feel dizzy and nauseated.

He rounded the couch, coming to a halt behind her. His cold breath wafted across her neck as he leaned in, inhaling deeply. "You smell so good," he cooed, pressing his lips on the exposed place where her shoulder and neck met.

Bella jerked forward, wanting to run away from him. Her stomach clenched in fear now. She wasn't ready—neither for him and a "real" wedding night, nor for him to turn her into a vampire. "Don't, Edward," she gasped, and then his hands wrapped around her arms, holding her in place.

"I hate seeing those marks on you," he hissed and his hands pressed into her flesh, harder. "I will make you forget about him."

She winced in pain and cried out. "Oww, Edward, what are you doing?" The pressure of his hands increased, stopping the blood flow and making her eyes water. "You're hurting me."

Edward dropped his hands and was kneeling in front of her in an instant. "You're forcing me… That's what you're doing to me, Bella love," he murmured. His hands on her knees forced her knees apart and he crawled between her thighs, placing a kiss onto the vulnerable spot under her ear and then onto her jugular. "From now on you'll stop speaking about him… love."

Her breath hitched, but not with sensual excitement as it used to do before (or so she thought). Placing her hands on his granite-hard chest, she tried to shove him away. She failed. "Edward, no," she breathed, her body stiff with fear. "Edward, stop. I'm afraid."

"You've always wanted this. Don't be afraid, love. I won't hurt you," he whispered and his lips moved over her mouth. Then, his mouth was on hers, molding her lips in that familiar way. Yes, he was careful, but no, she still didn't want this. Deeply scared and even repulsed, she shrank away further.

Bella shoved at him, using all of her strength, but his hands on her hips held her securely in place. "Don't. Edward, you're scaring me," she pleaded, but he still didn't stop. In response, his one of his cold hands moved up higher, closing around her waist in a possessive manner.

"Bella, I love you. You're finally mine," he moaned and glided his lips along her jaw and down to her neck, his teeth nipping at her tender skin, and she was in panic that he might accidently (or not so accidently) break it, infecting her with his venom.

"No!" she shouted as loud as she could and grasped his hair, yanking hard. "Stop this right now. I don't want it."

Finally, he drew back, disappointment displaying on his face.

"Oh God," she sobbed and jumped to her feet, bolting through the room. She entered the first room she could find, slamming the door shut behind her. Her fingers shook badly as she searched for the light switch and simultaneously for a lock or key. She found the switch, turning the light on, but there was nothing to lock the door. Frantically, she searched the room for anything to at least block it, seeing that she was standing in a study. A sturdy chair must do and the fear and panic made her strong enough to shove this chair before the door, hoping that it would stop Edward from entering. She knew that if he wanted in he would be in the room in no time. She would never be able to stop him and the thought drove her almost crazy.

Her tears flowed without ceasing and she sank down, frightened pressing her back into a corner. What had she gotten herself into? Edward was acting weird, dangerous, true to his vampire nature and she was all alone on this island with him. She looked around frantically, her breath leaving her in small gasps and sobs, in the hope to find a phone or computer, but the antique desk and every other surface were empty.

She could stay in here for a while. As long as Edward only stayed outside and wouldn't try to come in. Her eyes flitted to the heavy chair in front of the door and then, out of the corner of her eye, she recognized a movement coming from the long window.

Edward!

He was standing outside, stock still, watching her hungrily through his black eyes. The dark night behind him made his pale features look almost ghostly when he lifted his hand and pressed it against the window pane.

Bella almost jumped out of her skin seeing him standing there and she let out a shrill, horrified scream. "Go away!" she yelled, clasping her hair, her throat hurting from her terrified shriek. "Don't come in here. Leave." On all fours she crawled behind an antique chest, hiding from his look. "Go away."

She realized that she was hyperventilating from her panic attack, but as much as she tried to breath regularly, she couldn't. "No. No. No," she sobbed, soon feeling dizzy.

The sound muffled through the window, she heard him saying, "You're mine."

Her eyes rolled back into her head and her insides clenched with terror at his words. Why was it that it sounded so threatening? Her breathing increased even more and everything around her started swaying up and down. She fought the queasy feeling in her stomach, but it was useless. Grasping the hard wood of the chest to stay upright, she still keeled over and fainted.

Lifted and carried by hard, unyielding, ice cold arms, Bella dreamed of Jacob coming to her rescue. She called out for him, but no words escaped her lips as she fell deeper into her unconsciousness and then into a deep sleep, all the while dreaming of Jacob's warm embrace and wolves searching for her. Even dreaming she knew it was too late. No one would come for her. She was alone out here with Edward. She had forfeited her chances.

She fought this awareness, afraid she would go insane with fear and regret and she was thankful when the dreams stopped and only darkness and quiet surrounded her. Soon enough, she floated in the darkness and started dreaming again and in her dream she was back in Forks, in the woods, a silent witness to what Jacob and Leah were doing, how he moved confidently, powerfully and passionately over and within the other woman.

For the first time, she saw that her best friend had become a man. He'd become a man a long time ago, but she had never been willing to acknowledge this fact before. Bella realized that Jacob was more grown-up than she was, although she was older, and that he carried a confidence and power that she would never possess. There were more things she became aware of, but they were lost whenever she woke up for a short while, before drifting off again.

Finally, the sun rose, setting her body and the room she was in aglow. For a small moment, her subconscious mind played images of herself lying beside Jacob and not Leah. He held her in his arms, lovingly, securely, tenderly, and she marveled in his warmth and in his love as she lost herself in the pleasure his body gave her. The peace and freedom she felt didn't last long and then, Jacob's heat was replaced by Edward's coldness as he hovered over her, his hard body moving within her, hurting her, bruising her.

When she opened her eyes, feathers were all around her. She was covered in them and her naked body felt cold, sore, and tender. Bruises were forming on her breasts, rips, belly, and thighs. And her belly was thick, unnaturally swollen and something horrible was moving inside it.

She woke up from her own terrified screams, her arms wrapped tightly around her. Letting her hands glide over her body, she noticed that she was fully dressed, no bruises or feathers on her, and that he body was flat as ever. "Just a dream, Bella. It was just a dream," she spoke to herself convincingly and looked around, trying to decipher where she was.

Bella found herself in a bedroom, on a wooden bed under a thick, white quilt. The sun was shining through huge windows and she could see the beach and the turquoise sea. Sitting up, she checked her surroundings, relieved that she was alone, that Edward wasn't sitting somewhere, watching her. How did she get here? She recalled being lifted and carried, realizing that Edward must have entered the study when she fell unconscious. The thought was terrifying. She couldn't find anything romantic in the idea anymore. She had been vulnerable and defenseless and he had taken advantage of that situation instead of leaving her alone as she had demanded.

"Shit, shit, shit," she cursed under her breath and stumbled out of the bed. In a sudden feeling of being watched, she pulled the curtains close, afraid Edward might unexpectedly stand there again. Her heart was pounding so hard, it hurt. Her hands were clammy, her entire body covered in cold sweat, and she was bursting to go pee.

He would know that she was awake when she'd go out there, searching for the toilet. Oh, God, he probably knew already, his supernatural hearing telling him that she was up just by her changed breathing and frantically beating heart. In an instant, she was back in bed, pulling the covers over her; just wanting to hide, hide, hide.

She was so afraid, so terribly afraid. Had she ever been so afraid before? Maybe when James had captured her? Or when Victoria came after her? Or when Laurent threatened to kill her? Trembling and sobbing she admitted to herself that this here, right now, was the worst situation ever—simply because she shouldn't be afraid of Edward, of her husband, and she so, so was…

Bella didn't know how long she was hiding in the bed, but the urge to pee became stronger and stronger and finally couldn't be ignored anymore. Peeking out from under the blanket, she scanned the room, discovering that two doors were leading from it. Both doors were closed and she couldn't tell if one of them would lead her to a bathroom or not. If she didn't want to totally embarrass herself and pee her pants she needed to finally be brave and search for a toilet.

She got up and tiptoed to the closest door. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door, relieved to find a bathroom behind it. It was more luxurious than the one she had been using last night, but she couldn't care less. After having peed, she hurried back to the bed, hiding again, fearing the moment that Edward would come in, wanting to talk to her or worse.

When the evening came and he still hadn't come, she realized how quiet the house was and how empty it felt. What if she walked out the bedroom, searching for Edward, and tried to talk things out? She would tell him that she wanted to leave the island. She didn't feel safe alone with him. Could she tell him that, too?

Cautiously and apprehensively, she walked to the other door and opened it quietly, slipping into a large hall. "Edward?" she called out timidly, but received no answer. Crossing the hall she found the living room. There, on a sturdy white table, was a folded card with her name on it. Reluctantly, she picked it up, flipping it open.

_Bella, I'll be gone for a while – hunting. Don't expect me back before this week is over. In the meanwhile you should try to remember why you agreed to marry me. I'm sure being alone will help you think and become aware how much you need me. Edward._

_P.S. You'll find enough food in the refrigerator. Thursday morning, our housekeepers will come and check on you. Use your time wisely._

Bella blanched, staring at the card in disbelief. He was leaving her behind? Leaving her all alone on this island? Leaving her alone again? In a daze, she walked back into the bedroom where she had spent most of her day and lay down on the bed, pulling her knees high up to her chest. Wrapping her hands around her knees, she rocked her body back and forth, trying to stay calm and not to freak out.

But wait, she still had her cell phone after all! She jumped up to look for her purse. She was sure it was in there, she had put it there herself. While searching frantically, she imagined calling… who would she call? She really needed to speak with… someone, her dad maybe? Where was her phone? No, she knew whom she really wanted to call. She needed to hear _his _voice, to hear that he was ok, she wanted to her _his _laugh, wanted to hear that he didn't hate her. But who was she fooling? Deep down she knew it was over. Jacob had moved on after all. She felt the loss; it felt like as if a part of her was dying. She felt so lonely. She had never felt this alone ever before.

Her phone… where had she put her phone for crying out loud?

Finally, it hit her. Edward took her phone! He had not only left her to her own devices, he took her phone away, effectively completely cutting her off from the world. Her chest constricted and she gasped for air. He couldn't leave her all alone here. He couldn't do that to her!

There had got to be somebody on that freaking island… Bella rushed to the front door, turning the knob, hysterically. It wouldn't butch. It was locked! Oh God, how could he do that? He had freaking locked the door! She yanked and rattled at the door, screaming in frustration, until there was no strength to fight left in her anymore.

Tiredly, she trudged back to the bedroom and fell onto the bed, face-down, shutting the world out completely. She lay there for a long time, too confused and scared to even think. Being human, her body and mind could only take so much and when it became dark outside, she fell asleep, her only companions fear, cold, and regret. She slept deep and dreamt of Jacob that night. If only she were off this island already. If only she had her talk with Edward already. If, if, if…

Sunday came and went without Bella doing as much as lying under the comforter. She was starving, but too numb to go and fix something to eat.

On Monday, she got up, had a shower, ate an apple from the kitchen counter and explored the house some more. Bella became aware that Alice certainly must have had a vision about Edward leaving her all alone on the island. Would she say something to Carlisle or Jasper or would she keep the knowledge (and the outcome) to herself? Considering what Alice had told her on her wedding day she doubted that Alice would tell anybody anything.

Deeply depressed, Bella got under her covers again, but suddenly she became aware that her moping had to stop. What was she doing to herself? Why did she always hurt herself and everybody around her? Surely Edward deserved better, too. She had done everybody wrong, including herself—but not anymore! Starting today, she would be honest with herself and try to salvage whatever there might be left to be salvaged.

She was going to have a serious talk with Edward. She wanted to explain to him that the feelings she once felt were, in fact, very different now. Having realized so many things last night, she couldn't let fear get in the way any longer. She must and she would be standing up for what she finally knew.

She realized that she had to make some serious changes in her life. It was time that she was going to be responsible for herself from now on, responsible to mend broken hearts, to fix all the damages she had done to herself and others. With that thought, she felt an unexpected freedom, a sudden relief within her heart. Yes, she would start her life over and maybe one day, Jacob would forgive her…

Maybe, but right now she was starving.

She needed to get out of this bed and look for some food. She found the refrigerator filled with food, but she only used some eggs and cheese to make herself a quick omelet. She devoured every bit of food and felt better immediately. It was time indeed to do some serious thinking. This was when she remembered what Edward had written on the card "use your time wisely'. She could not help it, but to shudder at the thought. What had he meant?

In the night she also remembered that he had said in his note the house keepers would be coming this Thursday, and hope flared up within her. She suddenly knew that she wouldn't wait for Edward to come back. What if he was really threatening her? She wouldn't wait to find out, but leave the island with those house keepers and contact Carlisle as soon as she was back on the mainland.

Tuesday started with a thunderstorm that ripped her out of a nightmare where she had seen herself with feathers and bruises, her body swollen with a demon child. She had cried herself hoarse over the realization that Edward was torturing her with his absence, knowing fully well what it would do to her. She needed to get out of here.

Bella didn't sleep the night from Tuesday to Wednesday, because too much was going on in her head as she finally acknowledged to herself that Edward had a very manipulative and controlling streak. Having sleepovers with Alice whenever Edward was hunting that prevented her from seeing Jacob was quite guileless compared with Edward disabling her truck, Edward letting Jacob know about their marriage against her will, Edward letting her discover Jacob having sex with Leah. Along with that came the realization that Edward nearly always decided what was good for her and she had never really cared, because it had been sweet and romantic in the beginning and later on, it was easier, because he simply had the better arguments and she never felt clever enough to debate with him anyway. How could she have been that blind?

Wednesday night, she was absolutely determined that she had to get away from here as soon as possible. Exhaustedly, she settled on the bed and awoke in the early Thursday morning hours from the sound of an approaching motorboat.

Bella couldn't even remember everything she had said and done when the older couple unlocked the front door and came in. All that mattered was that she was able to convince the couple that she must leave as soon as possible and her crying and pleading had persuaded them to take her with them. The bruises on her arms, now turned from purple to an ugly greenish yellow, helped to convince them, too.

Infected by Bella's panic, they forced the old boat to its highest speed and drove back to the mainland, where Bella marched straight into an internet café and grabbed a phone and dialed.

"Rosalie, this is Bella. I need your help."

.

+o+o+

.

Jacob was crouched in a corner of his room, allowing the pain to flow freely once again. He couldn't stop thinking of why Bella had looked for him. What did she want, and why the FUCK didn't he stop her from running away from him? Her pleading eyes haunted him ever since. Silently, he let the tears fall down his face…


	6. FaceOff

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Rated: MA**

**Chapter warning: Contains violence**

**Thanks to our lovely beta JUL5857. Juls, we love you!**

* * *

**Hostage of Love**

_**Chapter 5**_

_**Face-off**_

_Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly  
And the dream that you dare to__—_

_why, oh, why _

_can't _

_I?_

_Israel Kamakawiwo Ole__, Somewhere Over The Rainbow_

* * *

Jacob came home in the early morning hours. His father was already waiting for him. Jacob helped him with the shower and get dressed, but he didn't talk to him like he normally did. He just couldn't talk and pretend everything was okay when it wasn't.

Billy gazed at him observantly and grabbed him by his wrist. "What have you done?" he asked, staring at Jacob's demolished hand.

Jacob remained silent. He had nothing to say. What was there to say anyway? Father, I have failed? He let Billy remove several wooden splinters out of his hand and put tape on a deep gash that hadn't healed yet. It hurt, but his heart hurt more.

"You have tried," Billy said softly, soothing, but to Jacob it was a reproach.

He turned around and went into his room. The door clicked shut.

.

oOo

.

Jacob was crouched in a corner of his room, allowing the pain to flow freely once again. He couldn't stop thinking of why Bella had looked for him. What did she want, and why the FUCK didn't he stop her from running away from him? Her pleading eyes haunted him ever since. Silently, he let the tears fall down his face. He had never felt this much pain, nor had he ever felt this level of desperation. He did not want to do anything other than sit here and think about everything over and over again.

Bella's wedding rolled like a movie in infinite loop through his brain. He relived their conversation, remembering his sheer disbelieve about her comments of wanting a real wedding night.

_Damn you__, Bella! Damn, the day I fell in love with you. Damn all those leeches back to hell._ Why was he not enough! He would have happily laid down his life for her. Why couldn't she see that and accept it? He could have made her happy. He was certain of it. His tears streamed like rivers down his face. _How could she believe this leech? How could she not see what he really was? Why was she so blind? _

_And now__, she will die. Die and be cold and hard like them,_ he thought. This was what she wanted—giving her life to become one of them. He felt so powerless and hurt in the knowledge that he meant nothing to her, that he wasn't enough. But... _I. Do. Not. ..!_

Jacob wondered if he had left marks on her delicate arms. He was damn sure that he had. After all, he had grabbed onto them rather hard when he shook her, trying to put some sense into her stubborn brain. For the tiniest moment, he speculated if Cullen would give her a hard time because of those marks.

If Bella were his, Jacob knew he would have the other guy's ass for hurting his wife, but what if Cullen put the blame on Bella? Would she have to suffer his wrath? Jacob's face contorted with rage and he felt his body start shaking. The thought that the leech might blame her was so unbearable that he had to let it go. She was out of his reach by now anyway. Gone, and there was no way that he could come to her help, even if he actually wanted to help her. Not that he wanted to, but still…

His thoughts wandered back to when their eyes locked that very moment when Sam and Seth started to drag him away from her. Her eyes bore straight into his soul. He saw something that showed what he had been waiting to see since forever, but she had never let him see that before. He saw it clearly that look and he saw love for him, real love but also hopelessness, desperation and maybe… longing?

Sitting in his tiny room with the curtains closed he tried to understand. If he had seen her love for him, had she finally realized how much she actually was in love with him, that her love for that stinky leech wasn't that irrevocable as she always had thought? Could this have been the reason why she ran after him? And, if it had been that reason, than he understood why she ran away when she caught Leah and him getting it on in the woods.

"Fuck!" he growled under his breath, acutely aware that he had missed his very last opportunity to get a hold of her, to maybe change her mind, or at least to talk to her for a very last time. His shaking got stronger, but he forced himself to keep still. He didn't want to phase. Phasing in his state of mind made him vulnerable and would expose his feelings to his pack brothers, which was something he wanted to avoid as long as possible.

But the urge to phase was strong as his emotions were so overwhelming and Jacob pressed his back into the wall, trying to create some kind of support. Yet again, he lifted the hand holding his cell phone to his ear and for the umpteenth time, he automatically pressed the redial key just to hear Bella's voice again. Everything would be better when he would hear her voice, but when he finally heard it and hope flared up in him, it was only her voicemail. Again. "Hello, this is Bella. Leave a message." Giving in to the fury he was feeling, he roared out, throwing his cell straight across his room. It hit the wall and shattered to thousand pieces.

A loud bang on his door ripped him out of his self-loathing. "Jacob!" he heard Billy call out sterner than he did before. "Sam is on the phone for you. You better get out of here right now! "His father's unusual harsh tone made him feel nervous for some reason and he got up, ever so slowly.

Jacob dragged himself into the bathroom to take a quick look at his tired face in the mirror. His eyes were red and swollen; he felt that his spirit and his will to go on was almost completely drained out of him. He had to figure something out and figure it out fast. He couldn't go on like this. He wouldn't degenerate into a Bella-like zombie status. He loathed being weak and if he gave in to the pain and despair then he was weak.

Jacob opened the faucet and turned the water cold. Then he washed his face, but the red splotches on his face remained. He shrugged and feeling demotivated, shuffled himself into the kitchen, avoiding his father's disapproving look when he ripped the phone out of his hand.

"What the fuck do you want, Sam?" Jacob aggressively barked into the phone. Sam better have a good reason to call him, because today he wasn't scheduled for patrolling and just for one day, Jacob wanted to be completely free of pack business. He wanted to just forget about the pack and his inner wolf for once.

He heard Sam's fast erratic breathing first, then his strained response, "I just got done talking to Leah. I believe you've got some explaining to do. I'm going to be at your house in five minutes. You better be ready for me, Black!" The phone fell silent and forcefully, Jacob put down the phone with a curse. _Fuck you, Sam!_

"What have you done?" his father asked again with worry in his voice and stared at him long and hard, but Jacob refused to answer, so Billy rolled himself out of the kitchen and into the living room. He turned the TV on and the volume up like he never had done before. Billy looked really worried, but Jacob was in no way ready for a talk with his father. He felt a little pang in his chest and he knew he would have to talk to Billy real soon.

Jacob took some deep breaths that should calm him down, but it was to no avail. He felt threatened by Sam and his wolf didn't like that at all. It was clear to Jacob that Sam had a problem with what he must have heard from Leah or seen in her memories – that they had fucked each other's brains out. With this realization he became aware that he now saw her completely different. Even though they weren't in love with each other, what they had shared was very special to him and he wouldn't allow Sam to talk it down.

Leah wasn't Sam's business anymore. He shouldn't care anymore as HE was the one leaving Leah, hurting her down to the core. It pissed Jacob off that Sam now – when she was finally trying to move on - was interfering. Sam had his imprint and no matter for how long he had been together with Leah before the imprint Leah wasn't tied to him anymore other than through the pack. Sam had no fucking right to meddle with Leah's decisions. Not as her Alpha and even less as her ex. It was her decision if she wanted to fuck him, Jacob, or the entire male population of the state of Washington for that matter.

Unexpectedly, Jacob felt sort of protective over Leah. Thinking about her being with Sam or some other male enraged his unsettled mind even more and his skin crawled. He growled and the vibrations in his body increased; his wolf was close, too close, to the surface. _God Dammit! Not in the house. Dad. Too close._

Blazing hot, white fury welled up in him, forcing him to leave before he lost it with his father in close proximity. So he went, yelling over his shoulder, "I'm out!" before slamming the door shut. The old walls rattled dangerously.

As soon as he left the steps of his house, he heard his Alpha in the woods, even smelled his fury, and he phased on the spot, not caring if someone might see him.

They were the only ones in wolf form right now. It was only Sam in his head when he bolted into the forest. To tick him off, Jacob thought of last night purposefully and pictured Leah on top of him as she arched her back while riding him passionately.

Sam roared out and through their linked minds, Jacob saw him leap forward and quickly speed up. His huge paws dug into the ground, sending leafs and earth flying everywhere, while he was forced to look at the younger wolfs graphic memories.

Jacob grinned menacingly. Was he being an ass for shoving the pictures into Sam's face? Damn right, he was. Knowing that making Sam see what he couldn't have anymore, satisfied him in a cruel way. He remembered Leah's pleas for release and how she had begged for more, that he gave it to her harder and faster. It felt good to be on the receiving end of the stick for once in his life. Jacob didn't know that he had it in him to hurt Sam like this, like really deliberately. Jake was much too hurt himself to care at all. He was itching for a fight. Even better when he could fight it out with another wolf or – suddenly it was downright tempting – letting his rage out on Sam.

Sam was close. They would meet any second now. _"Okay, go ahead and have a piece of me,"_ Jake thought challenging. A huge, black shadow shot out of the thicket and before Jacob could turn around to meet him at a better angle, their massive bodies collided. It would be a fight both of them needed, had sought out and initiated. Both tempers were sky-rocketing and it was not only loud but painfully as well.

"_You're so damned cocky, boy__, "_Sam growled, and snapped his teeth. _"Barely three__years older than her baby brother. You should be grateful that she even let you."_ It was pure jealousy speaking out of Sam and they both knew it.

"_She started it__. She begged me to do her." _Jacob gave him a smug grin, before pushing his muzzle hard into Sam's flank. _"Leah thinks I'm a good fuck. She wanted me. You listen? Me not you!"_ Again, he let his memories show. This time it was Leah on all fours before him and how she had tried to stay in control and he wouldn't let her.

Jacob's thoughts had always been vivid, but they had never focused on Leah before. Sam snarled, not liking to see his Leah like that, and crouched low, ready to take Jacob down.

Jacob couldn't explain why he felt so territorial over Leah, but when Sam thought about Leah as "his", he howled furiously. _"She's not yours anymore."_ He jumped, trying to bury his teeth in Sam's shoulder, but was shaken off quickly. He fell back on his feet and moved in a slow circle around Sam with his teeth bared and the fur in his neck bristled. _"You gave her up, Sam. You tossed her aside for your imprint! She doesn't belong to you!"_

Sam watched his every move, trying to calculate Jacob's intentions. He was furious, affected by Jake's rage and the memories the younger wolf deliberately made him see. As much as he tried to keep a cool head, tried to not let this fight go too far it was useless. Although being the most level-headed wolf of this pack, even Sam could only take so much, and he had reached his limit.

Sam growled warningly, but Jacob wouldn't stop thinking about Leah in several states of arousal and sexual bliss. Sam aimed to launch himself at Jacob at the next possible chance, but he had to be careful. It was very dangerous to underestimate Jacob. The younger wolf came close his strength and size. He was the only one in the pack who had the potential to overpower him. After all, Jacob was the true Alpha, even when he hadn't accepted this position yet. If Sam wanted to defeat him, it was only through acting clever and maybe even deviously. That's why he thought snidely, _"She's always had a big heart, Jake. You've been wailing like a baby over your leech lover. Leah was only being nice, you know?"_

"_And I took what she offered,"_ Jacob answered, but Sam really shouldn't have mentioned Bella. It made Jacob even angrier as he already was. He felt heat building up in the bottom of his stomach. It was rising and rising, and he then felt as if his body was growing. There was this tiny voice in his brain telling him over and over again that he was the true Alpha._ Alpha! Alpha! Alpha!_ it chanted. At first he shook it off. This couldn't be. Hell, he didn't want to deal with this shit right now, but the heat in his stomach had reached his chest, and Jacob wanted to roar out his fury.

He felt like his head was going to explode. Suddenly, everything became so clear to him. Sam was scared. Sam knew the truth. He was fully aware of what he had done to Leah, when he had left her for Emily.

Jacob growled. _He knows I am the true Alpha,_ he thought. _It's in my blood._ He never felt bigger or stronger than in this very moment. He looked straight into Sam's eyes, seeing his fear, but Sam didn't give in.

Sam tilted his head and snarled. _"You only wanted Leah, because Bella wouldn't give you any. She prefers to fuck the leech."_ Sam showed him a memory of Edward's smug face.

With that Jacob lost it. He felt this incredible strength come over him, this incredible power. It almost brought him down to his knees… almost. Within a split second, he jumped at Sam, ripping into him with a fervor he didn't know he had.

Sam howled as Jacob bit him in his leg and didn't let go.

"_Damn fucker, what the hell do you want from me," J_ake thought with ever rising hatred. _I could just kill him now._

"_You__ touched Lee Lee, and nobody is touching her."_ Sam spat.

Jacob jumped on top of Sam, pinning him down to the ground with his huge body and sank his teeth into his shoulder. The pain took Sam's breath away. He couldn't believe what was happening, couldn't believe that Jacob was actually strong enough to keep him down. He grunted in pain while trying to fight the younger wolf off.

"_What are you talking about?__ She's free to fuck whomever she wants to fuck, and she wanted to fuck me! And guess what, I enjoyed her. Leah knows how to please a man!" _Jacob responded. He took a deep breath, growling warningly and never letting his eyes or paws off Sam. He knew he needed to stop, but it was hard to ignore the call of the Alpha in him. It wanted him to fight it out, wanted him to claim the Alpha position.

He took a deep deliberate breath, and another one, and one more to calm himself down. Slowly, he got off Sam, watching the other try to get up. But then… Sam just stopped struggling and stayed on the ground, hiding his snout under his paws. _What? What was he doing?_

Jacob lost all interest to rip into Sam again, although his wolf urged him to prove that he was the stronger one, urged him to challenge Sam. He fought it down… for now.

Jacob looked at him and thought _"What is wrong with you Sam? You have no rights to her, you don't deserve her and you know it. You broke Leah."_ Jacob growled. He was trying to push the 'Alpha' need aside; he did not want to deal with this right now. He needed time to think, he needed time to grieve for what he had lost, and he just wanted to be left alone for once in his life. Jacob also knew he wasn't ready to take on the responsibility. He had to clear a lot of things in his life first before he would be able to lead a pack.

That's when he noticed that Sam thought of happy times with Leah, times when he wasn't imprinted on Emily yet. He thought it wasn't fair that a stable and strong relationship had been ripped apart. Maybe the wolf Gods had got something wrong? Wasn't he meant to imprint on Leah instead of Emily?

Jacob phased human. He felt pity for Sam, and one thing he was fucking sure of: he hated imprinting. He hoped he never had to deal with that. He didn't want to be in Sam's head any longer or listening to his self-pitying. Jacob didn't think he owed him any explanations at all, but he started talking nevertheless. "Sam, I lost her," he said hoarsely and sat down on a tree stump. "Bella is gone for good. I need time, and I don't even know how to deal with this yet, if I ever can. I'm not sure how to go on."

Sam huffed and phased back as well. He looked at Jacob with what seemed some kind of compassion. Or was it pity?

Jacob couldn't tell, nor did he care. He didn't think Sam even knew how to be really compassionate. He always wore that straight face, that mask. _Did Sam understand what I was talking about?_ Jacob wondered. "I just lost it. Leah saved my miserable life, Sam," he admitted. "Without Leah I maybe wouldn't have survived this evening. What can I tell you? Leah understands the kind of pain I am going through all too well."

Sam flinched, but remained silent. He limped past Jacob and took a seat opposite him.

"Damn you, Sam! She is still suffering; she is still in so much pain. You did that!" Jacob started trembling and the anger returned. He was surprised with himself. When did he develop feelings for Leah? Did he? "I will do what I can to make her forget you, and you will not be in the way of that. Do you understand?" he spat at Sam.

Sam just looked very old all of a sudden. More so, he looked defeated and very tired. "Jake, I only have to say one thing to you: Don't hurt her! Don't use her! If you do, I will kill you!" With that Sam got up and walked slowly, with his head hanging low, out of the forest. Both knew very well this would never be possible. Sam knew his time as Alpha was borrowed. More so, he knew Jacob already was the Alpha, his Alpha, whether Jacob admitted that to himself yet or not.

Jacob stayed in the forest for a long time, pondering over all the things that had happened today. He walked home when the night fell. Again, he absolved his home duties in silence. Billy kept looking at him with a worried expression, but thankfully he would not say anything.

After another night of getting no sleep, Jacob came to a decision. It's time to make a change in his life. He grabbed the phone and dialed Leah's number...

.

* * *

.

_Two years pass…_

.

The first time when Jacob heard that Bella wouldn't be coming home it was Christmas time. He barely reacted when Charlie told Billy. Jacob didn't feel a thing but a strange numbness around his heart. He had known all along this call would be coming eventually, but he was sort of relieved when Charlie said how good it was to hear his daughter's voice again. Charlie was sad when he told Billy he would wish Bella called him more often and how much he missed her.

Jacob hated what Bella did to her father. He had to take off into the forest after overhearing his father's conversation with Charlie. He couldn't deal with Charlie's pain. He burst into his furry self before even hitting the tree line.

So she had made it through the transformation without getting killed. She was living, but not alive anymore… Bella was a vampire now. His enemy. The thing he was born to kill. Jacob couldn't wrap his head around it.

Spring break came. Then came the summer holidays and another Christmas time. She still wasn't coming home. Jacob knew why. As a newborn she better stay away from humans. When Charlie told him he would spent another holidays without his daughter, Jacob could take it with a shrug and walk out on Charlie straight-faced. Again, he ran until he couldn't feel his paws anymore.

It was February again when Charlie called and told Billy that Bella had moved to Jacksonville. Jacob stood in the kitchen, not wanting to overhear the conversation, but Charlie actually screamed out the news. It wasn't to overhear. "I can't believe it, Billy! Bella broke up with him. She's divorced. For over a year already!"

Jacob dropped what he had been holding and stormed out of the house, leaving a stunned Billy behind. Bella was divorced. She had moved to Jacksonville.

_Divorced. Jacksonville. Sun. Jacksonville__. Sun. Lot of sun. No vampire moves where there is sun. She didn't tell me. She didn't tell me. Why didn't she tell me? _

He didn't remember neither where he went nor what he did. He only remembered the overwhelming rage inside of him.

When he came down from his distractive tantrum, he was naked and looked at his mashed-up garage. A disaster zone.

Leah was with him. She had her arms wrapped around him, holding him. Forcing him to stop razing his garage to the ground.

He had her on the hood of his rabbit in no time, pushing her shorts down and her shirt up. "Can I, Leah? Please, let me…" he sobbed, and when she nodded in agreement, he pushed into her forcefully, bracing his hands on either side of her head…

She didn't complain nor did she try to stop him, but when it was over, she laid her hand on his cheek, whispering, "I really wish you'd stop obsessing over her."

"Leah, just leave it alone already!" With that Jacob turned around and left, leaving her standing in the mess he had made out of his garage. They didn't talk for weeks.

Jacob thought about getting Bella's phone number. He was sure her dad wouldn't hesitate handing it over to him. But then he thought how ridiculous it was for even thinking about making contact with her. Why should he contact her at first when she hadn't even bothered to tell him she got divorced? Wasn't he good enough to know?

Jacob thought about confronting her. What if he just ran down to Jacksonville? It wouldn't take him too long if he travelled in his wolf form… How would it feel to tell her how much she had hurt him, how much he was still hurting?

One day, Charlie gave him her number. He just placed a piece of paper with her name and the number scribbled on it in his hand. "Just call her. I think she misses you…" he had said. Jacob just looked at him and walked away, feeling confused as to what he should do.

Jacob hid the note in his sock drawer.

Once in a while he thought about giving _her_ a call. Maybe they could talk things out? But then, something happened that would change his life forever.


	7. Moving On

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. __No copyright infringement is intended._

_**A/N: Juls, thank you so much for betaing. You were quick like lightning, like werewolf speed. Amazing. We love you! **_

_**Chapter warning: Annoying Edward. Grrrr. 'Nuff said… **_

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_**Hostage of Love**_

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_**Chapter 6**_

_**Moving on**_

.

_The Gray Wolf has always played a major character in fairy tales and mythology throughout the ages and all over the world and he has been perceived in many different lights from "Big, Bad Wolf" to spiritual being._

Although Bella knew the text by heart, she read the inscription of the information board out loud to herself. She always did. It wasn't like someone was watching her anyway. For a long time, she hadn't felt safe or unobserved. The first weeks after Rosalie had picked her up in Rio had been really bad. She'd suffered from panic attacks, couldn't stand being in closed rooms, couldn't endure people getting into her personal space much.

Rosalie had saved her life; and although life was extremely difficult dealing with, she was breathing and she had stayed human. For the longest time Bella hated herself, hated what she had put everybody she cared about through. Why had she not been able to see everything for what it was? Why didn't she listen to her best friend, her dad and her conscience? Well, it really was a little too late now. Bella had to look forward and heal herself completely before she could even think about facing the people she was aching to see and touch.

Jacob... she thought with a sudden sting to her heart. She wondered once again what he was doing. Did he love someone else by now? Had he finally forgotten about her? God, she hoped that Jacob would be able to forgive her one day...

Her freezing hands clenched around a cup of steaming coffee. Dressed in her thickest jacket, boots, hat, scarf and fat gloves, Bella sat on a secluded bench at the Anchorage Zoo and watched the wolves. It was her favorite spare time activity since she had left Forks. It gave her peace and soothed the homesickness she was feeling day in and day out.

Today was a cold day, very cold. Her breath puffed out in small, white clouds. Her nose was red and pricked from the cold, but she didn't mind as long as she could watch this pack of wolves.

_"Gray wolves are ancestors of domestic dogs and despite the name they actually range in color from brownish-gray, to all black, to all white. Being__ the largest of all canines, they are social animals that live and hunt in packs of 2-12," _the sign said, but she knew that this pack had never seen the wild. Most of them were raised in captivity but she felt fortunate to be able to observe them never the less. Even though, those wolves were considered relatively tame, Bella rather thought of them as unpredictable and dangerous. It was her way to show her respect to this species. Wolves were special to her. Always had been, even before she had learned that Jake could turn into a huge russet wolf…

Bella shoved the memories aside quickly. She came here to watch this pack of wolves. She didn't come to cry over what she had left behind and lost. She was determined to learn how to deal with herself. If she had learned one thing from everything that had happened to her, it was that you were responsible for your actions. There was nobody to blame but you when you messed up. She wanted and needed to grow up to an independent woman, a woman who had her own mind and made decisions for herself. She owed that much to herself.

_The typical wolf pack is composed of an Alpha male and his female, they are considered pack leaders, their pups, and several subordinate or juvenile wolves. Wolves are generally monogamous and mated pairs usually remain together for life if one of the wolves does not die. _

The Alpha wolf lay on the ground, patiently letting three little cubs crawl over his large frame. His name was Chit. Bella learned that from the sign that informed the Zoo's visitors. When the cubs' play became too rough, the wolf nudged them apart or shook them off his body. The cubs didn't mind, they just continued rough housing and rolling around with no care in the world at all.

Bella smiled, once again remembering Jake and his friends and how they had used to romp around. Quickly, she banished this thought from her mind, again. It was never good letting memories come to the surface. It would make her cry for days and days… every time. It was just so hard to let go, so hard to forget about what she had done to... _him. _

She knew that she was being ridiculous and that she should just go home - back to Forks, that is - but she simply couldn't. She was too afraid of what would be awaiting her when she returned. No doubt, Charlie would be more than happy if she came to pay him a visit, but she was absolutely embarrassed about her failed marriage, about marrying Edward at all. She should have listened to her parents when they had warned her.

_She had bolted from the island with nothing but the clothes she wore and some cash the housekeepers had given her. Calling her father or the pack hadn't been an option. Neither of them would've been able to be there as quick as she needed them to be with her. Out of instinct, she called Rosalie. Although she almost died of mortification, she begged Rosalie to help her, and Rosalie promised she'd come. In the meantime, Bella needed to go and try to hide from Edward by using a fake name at least, not that that would make a real difference, but she had to try. _

_Bella went one step farther and even cut her hair down to chin length so that he wouldn't be able to find her through people's memories of her. Bella was so relieved when Rosalie and Emmett showed up before Edward did. Rosalie made no secret out of her animosity and her dislike of the choices she had made, by marrying Edward and by her desire to become like them. However, Bella had a feeling that Rosalie would help her regardless, if for nothing else than to prevent her to be turned. Rosalie insisted that she tell her everything of what went down between Edward and herself . Rosalie looked at her first with disbelief and then with utter surprise and shock. "I think our brother went crazy," Bella heard Rosalie tell Emmett with a thoughtful expression on her face. _

_"I still don't like you and how you mess up everything," Rosalie sneered, turning back to face her. "But no man should treat a woman like that. You're doing right in leaving him." She was furious and more than willing to protect Bella from her brother now. "If he ever puts his hands on you again…" she spat disgusted, her golden eyes blazing with fury. "I'll rip them off and feed them to the dogs." Bella knew that what Edward had done to her made Rosalie think of her past life. She was sorry for that, but she just knew that Rosalie would understand. She was ferociously against any male dominance against woman and would never tolerate it, especially not from a member of her own family. Rosalie sat down and said, "Look..."_

_The next day, Edward was standing in front of the hotel Bella was hiding out. He had found her although she'd tried so hard to be invisible. She was shocked how easily he'd tracked her down. Once more, it made her aware how inferior she was to him. He only had to follow her scent that she couldn't mask and _bang!_ there he was._

_Despite her fear of him, Bella demanded that they had a talk. For once, she wouldn't just run away and hope everything would get better soon and work out on its own. They met the same evening, in a coffeehouse, and with Rosalie and Emmett in tow. She couldn't be alone with him anymore. Who knows what he'd do this time? _

_At first, Edward seemed to be devastated by her leaving him, but she wasn't fooled by his "godlike" appearance anymore. He pleaded that she might over think her decision and come back to him. He'd never do anything ever again to make her feel frightened, but there was a glint in his eyes that made her doubt he spoke the truth. _

_Rosalie kept staring at him with disgust. Bella was aware that Edward was reading Rosalie's thoughts. He would know that his sister wouldn't back down and assist her with whatever she needed. Bella then realized that Edward didn't care for his sister's 'thoughts' about him at all. She jumped and almost screamed, terrified when, in reaction to one of Rosalie's thoughts, a hiss escaped him. _

_In response, Emmett immediately stood in a protective stance in front of Rosalie and warned, "Watch out, bro!" _

_Edward eyed him arrogantly, but changed his tune right away, turning towards Bella. "I'm sorry, love," he said smoothly. "That was uncalled for."_

_Bella thought her heart was about to jump out of her chest and sweat broke out all over her body. She tried to control her terror. She didn't want Edward to know the negative effect he had on her. Bella was afraid that it would give him even more power over her, and that terrified her even more. In a clipped voice, she then explained to him how she felt betrayed by his actions, but Edward refused to understand. He argued that he had only done it with best intentions and that he'd never do her any harm. He'd only wanted her to realize how much she loved and needed him. Edward apologized, again. _

_Did he really mean it? Was he really sorry?__  
_  
_He leaned over the table to take Bella's hand between his hands. She shrank back from him in fear; she didn't trust him anymore. _

_Rosalie snorted at that point and Emmett actually snarled at Edward. "Are you really that dense, Edward?" he asked and put his arm around Bella in a protective manner. "She's afraid of you. Can't you smell how scared she is right now? It's over. Let it go already. We all warned you from the beginning not to get involved with a human." Turning towards her, Emmett smiled and said, "Sorry, Bella."_

_Bella nodded, but she felt suffocated by Emmett's arm. She shook him off and sat up straight in her seat. "Edward, I'll file for divorce. After everything that happened I can't be married to you." She looked Edward in the eyes as confidently as she could manage. Inside, she was trembling with nerves. _

_Rosalie leaned back in her seat, crossed her arms and grinned smugly. She blinked at Bella, encouraging her to go on._

_Bella inhaled deeply, mustering up more courage. "This marriage was a huge mistake. I didn't know what I was thinking back then... I want you to stay away from me. Don't come near me ever again. Don't interfere with my life ever again. We're done. Goodbye, Edward." She then turned around and left with Rosalie close on her heels. _

_On the way to the hotel, Emmett had left to go for a hunt, Rosalie asked, "You didn't consummate the marriage, did you?" _

_Bella stopped dead in her tracks and blushed crimson. "No." She shook her head. _

_"It's a pity you can't go for an annulment these days. My brother will never sign the divorce papers." Rosalie ran a hand through her hair. "Annulment," she repeated, emphasizing the word with great relish. "Now that would've really upset Edward." She laughed out once, while Bella trudged after her, feeling completely mortified... _

Bella inhaled sharply, willing these memories to go away, once again. She didn't want to think about Edward. At least, she wasn't scared stiff of him anymore, although the images of her 'honeymoon' weren't exactly pleasant either. As long as Edward stayed away from her - and she hadn't seen him in a while now - she could handle those thoughts quite well.

She concentrated on the animals before her, unwilling to let her free afternoon go to waste. It was fun to watch the wolves. It brought her mind to an ease. It soothed her in a way she never fully understood. Seeing those wolves made her feel at home, even when she was far, far away from what she considered home a year ago.

The mother wolf came and sat down next to the Alpha. _Luna, Alpha female, Timber wolf, 3 years old, first litter, _read the sign that stood before the compound. The cubs now frolicked around her mother, catching each other's tails and pushing each other hard. Luna nudged the Alpha's neck, sliding her muzzle through his thick fur. She then started to chew on her mate's ear. The Alpha grinned wolfishly, and Bella snickered. She could swear that, sometimes, those wolves could look human in a way.

An hour later she got up, stretching her numb body. It was time to return to her tiny flat and to get ready for work. She had to hurry or she would be late again. It would be the third time this month and she didn't know how much longer Mr. Daniel would turn a blind eye on that. Bella gathered her blanket and the thermos and walked to her car, careful not to slip on the snowy ground.

She worked as a Hotel housekeeper, although the Cullens (mostly Alice) didn't approve of her choice of job, saying she could find something better. But truth to be told, Bella simply wanted to be independent as soon as possible and being able to live on her own. Only Rosalie seemed to understand when Bella took the first job that was offered to her.

Bella no longer wanted to accept and depend on any money from the Cullens. How else would she truly become independent and she really wanted to stand on her own. Alice kept trying for several weeks, sending her money and gifts, which Bella had returned every time. Alice finally accepted her decision and Bella was glad about it. She might have a real chance at independence now. She was trying to give it her all, she swore to herself.

_When Bella had first seen Alice again, she had been really mad with her and they had their first real fight. Bella was upset and felt betrayed by Alice, too. Alice must have had a vision of Edward lashing out on Bella and then leaving her alone on Isle Esme - why didn't she react? _

_"But I wanted you to become my sister," Alice argued, almost wailed, looking guilt-stricken. "And I saw you were asking him to change you when he was back. I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me?"_

_The extent of Alice' selfishness horrified Bella. She wondered if you lost part of your conscience when you became a vampire or if it was just Alice and her bad past. Had the years in the mental institution when she was still human scarred her for life? How could Alice not react or ask for help once she had the vision of Bella changing her mind? _

_In the end, Bella had forgiven Alice. It just wasn't in her nature to bear grudges, but she didn't allow Alice to decide for her anymore and she demanded that Alice would tell her immediately about any visions that concerned Bella's future. _

Bella had decided to stay in Alaska and study there like it was planned. The tuition was already paid for two semesters when she came here. She might as well use it now, it would be a shame to let it go to waste (Esme couldn't agree more). One of the reasons was that Bella couldn't bear it yet to tell her parents yet about her divorce and that she needed to stay in Alaska for a while. That just gave her the perfect alibi until she would work up the courage to spill the beans. Carlisle kept saying that her parents would understand and nobody would be mad or disappointed with her, but Bella was too ashamed to believe him.

Last Christmas, she had lied to her father and told him that she and Edward would be visiting his family in Brazil. Truth was, Edward spent his time in Denali like he did almost the entire time, and Bella was alone in her tiny flat, crying her eyes out, yearning for her parents.

The holiday season was making everything so much worse; the pain and ache she felt in her heart was almost unbearable. She ached more than ever to be near Jake, to see his smile and to feel his warmth. She also wished she could cook Charlie a real nice Holiday meal. One day, she knew she would do this again, she thought sorrowfully.

This year, she had waited on purpose for the last minute to cancel her visit, and today, she was going to call her father and tell him that she couldn't come home for Christmas this year, either. Not something she was really looking forward doing again.

When she was home in her tiny flat, she called sat on her bed to call her father.

"Charlie Swan."

Bella's heart warmed up hearing his voice. "Hi, Dad. It's Bella," she said, feigning a bad cough. "I'm sorry, but I can't come home tomorrow."

"Oh, no, Bella," he answered and she heard his disappointment clearly. "What is it this time?"

After all the excuses she had conjured up over the last several months, the new lie dropped from her lips rather easily. "I have the flu. I need to stay in bed. Carlisle's order."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Bells. I don't know what's keeping you up there all the time that you never come to visit. I barely know how you look like anymore."

"I know, dad. I'm really sorry. I'm really trying to slip in a weekend, but you know how it is… How is everyone?" Bella asked and faked another cough. She wanted to know about Jacob, but she was too scared about what Charlie might tell her if she asked him directly.

"Everyone's quite fine, Bella," her dad answered. "Sue is still here…"

"Oh," Bella breathed surprised. "Sue Clearwater?"

"Uhm, Bells, look… Sue Clearwater and I… We've been seeing each other for a while. I thought you would want to know, alright?" Charlie seemed clearly uncomfortable telling her. "I wanted to tell you when you were here… but, well, you're not coming. So…"

"What? You mean… you and Sue are like together?" she mumbled dumbfounded. "Wow. Congrats. I'm happy for you, Dad."

"Thanks, Bells. Oh, and… Jacob was here picking Leah up," her father said casually, and she felt a lump swell in her throat instantly. "He asked about you."

"Oh, really?" Her heart started to race excitedly, but also a pang of jealousy ran through her. He came to pick up Leah… "What is Leah doing at our house?"

"She dropped Sue…"

Bella wanted to slap herself. It wasn't her business anymore…

"You still aren't on speaking terms with Jake?" Charlie asked.

"No," Bella whispered, coughing again, but this time she coughed away a real sob. God, she missed Jake so much… "How is he, Dad?"

"He's going to graduate in the summer, and he works really hard. He's got a job at Fork's Car Shop."

_Jacob and Leah..._

Charlie was suddenly quiet for a while and Bella didn't know what to say, either, as she dwelled on thoughts about her time with Jacob.

"Bells, will you come home at all? I haven't seen you in over a year. I really do miss you, kiddo," Charlie asked.

She almost broke and told him everything, but then she held back. She was too ashamed to tell him that her marriage had failed. "I'll be home soon, Dad," she promised. "Real soon!"

After exchanging a couple more words for a while, they ended the call and Bella threw her phone onto her bed. She felt so bad for all the lies she was telling her parents and friends. That wasn't her. She really should gather her wits and just tell her mom, her dad… Jacob.

Jacob.

Bella realized it was time to come clean, at least with Jake for now. She wanted him to know first. She quickly glanced at the clock. She had another hour before she had to start working. This would give her enough time to compose a letter to Jake. After all those sleepless nights and the discussions she had with him in her thoughts, the words came really easy and really fast.

_Dear Jake._

_You haven't heard from me in a while and you must be thinking that I'm changed by now. I'm sorry for everything. I regret so much... mostly I regret being so stubborn and marrying Edward at all. _

_I have been struggling with myself for so long now, but I believe you deserve to know. And I wanted to let you know first, before I'm going to tell my parents. You were right all along. Edward and I aren't meant for each other. You'll be happy to hear that I filed for divorce and I have been on my own for a long time now. I could never come up with the courage of telling you before. I don't even know if you still care to know but it is important for me to let you know. _

_Unfortunately, Edward hasn't signed the paper yet, which is really annoying, but not the end of the world. The divorce will be absolute as soon as two years are over from when I filed the divorce._

_I'm still alive, Jake. I changed my mind about becoming a vampire. It's not what I want anymore, and I am ashamed of myself of what I put everyone through. It's a long story that I'm going to tell you one day – if you still want to know, if you still want to see me. _

_I'm at college now, studying to become a physiotherapist. I really love it and although it's quite tough at some times, I can help people and that is what I want. I'm going to move to Florida though, live with my mom again. I will transfer there and continue my education. If everything turns out like I planned I can get my degree in about two more years._

_I hear you're with Leah now. I'm very happy for you, Jake. I always wanted you to be happy. _

_If you can forgive me for everything I did to you, call me… _

_Bella._

Bella closed up the letter quickly without reading it over. She put the letter in an envelope, put a stamp on it and scribbled Jake's address on it. Then she quickly dressed for work, took the letter and ran to her car, arriving at the hotel just in time. After work, she quickly threw the letter into the mailbox and drove home, totally exhausted from the long day.

What she did not know was that the letter never reached Jake. In fact, it simply got lost somewhere along the way. If she only knew!

Bella spent the Christmas Eve alone. She didn't want to play happy family with the Cullens. It was always the same sterile atmosphere; it made her miss her mom and dad so much it hurt. It wasn't fun to have a fancy Christmas dinner when you had to eat it all alone while six people were watching you. It also was awkward to receive presents from them, while you were divorcing their son and brother. Her visits became less and less anyway, and that was how she preferred it. She needed to completely cut her ties with the Cullens even though she felt Carlisle and Esme really cared about her and wanted to keep her in their 'lives'. Alice had accepted that Bella needed to have her own life, away from their world. Bella had a much better chance at a real life without them.

She was watching TV and munching on a microwave dinner when the doorbell rang. Bella got up and peered through the fish eye. The figure standing out there was familiar, but nobody that she actually needed to see. She opened the door the slightest crack and asked, "Edward, what do you want?"

"Merry Christmas to you, too, Bella. Nice to see you. Can I come in?" He leaned against the door frame with his legs crossed.

"Why would I let you come in?" Bella cringed at the thought and rolled her eyes. _The nerve!_Her phone began to vibrate and jingle, but Bella ignored it. What did Edward want?

He smiled at her, mockingly, and said, raising his voice a little, "If you prefer your neighbors to hear what I have to say… you're welcome."

"Five minutes, Edward," she hissed and opened the door to let him in. He entered and strolled across her tiny hallway into the room where she was living and sleeping. She didn't want him here. A shudder ran down her spine and she backed against a wall instinctively.

"I won't need much time, Bella. …" he said and looked around, curious about how she lived. He made a face when he discovered Jacob's gift, her dream catcher, hanging from her bedpost. It was the only thing she had asked her father to send after her. His eyes fell on the framed pictures on her wall from the wolves from the zoo. He frowned and asked snidely, "Really, Bella? How old are you again?"

"A lot younger than you are, Edward," she replied, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. "What do you want? I told you to stay away from me."

He leaned forward and stated, "I think we should try again."

Bella gasped and shook her head. "No," she blurted out, suddenly feeling queasy. The feeling increased when he closed the distance between them with two quick strides. Her eyes anxiously flitted between him and the door, and she regretted instantly that she let him in. Her cell still jingled. Whoever was calling, it would have to wait.

"I think that you still love me, Bella." His eyes locked with hers, holding her in place. "You still want me, but you're too stubborn to admit it."

Bella inhaled deeply, clenching her hands tightly while trying to calm down her frantically beating heart. "I don't want you anymore," she choked out, unwittingly repeating what he had told her when he had left her.

He winced, visibly, but replied in a calm voice, "I don't believe you, love."

"Don't call me that." An emotional turmoil broke loose inside her. She still loved Edward, there was no denying that, but she didn't see him in the same overly perfect light anymore. She knew his flaws now and his manipulating ways. She couldn't-

She looked up to him. His golden eyes pulled her in... Suddenly it was hard to remember what they were talking about. Her phone started to vibrate again. Why did it keep ringing?

His voice interrupted her trail of thoughts. "You are my love. I love you, Bella. I can't lose you," he begged. His voice was so soft. Yes, she could believe him. He loved her.

Bella shook her head, trying to clear her foggy brain. "You've lost me already. You can't treat me like that and expect I forgive you," she said, tentatively first, but then her voice became stronger. "You hurt me purposely. You locked me in and left me to fend on my own. You knew what it would do to me and you still left me alone. I was scared because of you."

"I had plenty of time thinking about everything, about my feelings and why I kept letting you and your family control my life. I will no longer have it, Edward. You need to let me go and leave me be, living my human life. I want to stay human and grow old. I want to have children one day-" She held her breath as this sudden thought deeply took a hold of her.

His hand came up to rest upon her cheek. Bella shuddered from the cold. Angrily, she pushed his hand away and stepped aside, wanting to get out of his proximity. "I can't be with you anymore, Edward."

In one quick motion, he grabbed her by her hip with the other hand, effectively stopping her from moving. "You know how it is, Bella. The first fight between husband and wife... and then nobody wants to give in..." he murmured, letting his breath fan over her face, hoping that it still would affect her. After all, she only was human and he was a vampire... "And you run away, wanting to divorce me... See, I don't want to be awkward, love. I'm giving you another chance. You don't even need to apologize... You only need to come back to me."

_Yes._Everything would be okay when she returned to him. Edward would take care of her, make sure that nothing bad ever happened to h- "Stop that," she whispered, realizing that he was luring her in. "What happened, Edward? Why are you doing this?"

He smiled and cocked an eyebrow, while leaning closer.

"Oh," she breathed, realizing that he'd done it right from the start. He was a predator by nature; she was prey... Her legs were wobbly, her head felt so light, everything was fuzzy.

Enough!

No More!

"Stop it," she said hoarsely as if awakening from a long sleep.

Jacob's face appeared before her inner eyes and it was as if she could draw strength from him. She spoke stronger and more forcefully, "Get. Away. From. Me."

Edward grimaced, frustration evident on his face, and stepped back abruptly. "How come you never even told anyone?" he asked angrily. "No one knows that you ran away from me. Not even your parents. How am I supposed to believe that you really want to have a divorce? I would have thought you would've at least told Charlie by now. And your mom, Bella? How do I suppose to take you seriously?" He came close to her face yet again, his lips almost brushing over her skin.

Anger flared up in Bella. She couldn't believe how disrespectful he was about her. Determined to put a stop to this once and for all she yelled, "Get out of my face!" and pushed him backwards with all her strength.

He didn't budge; he only smirked at her.

With that Bella lost it. She pulled her right arm back and punched him in the face. Punching him was like hitting a thick wall of solid ice. A sharp pain shot up her arm, but damn if she would show it. "I'm so done with you!" she cried out. "And just so you know, Edward, I told Jake. I told him everything." Bella cradled her arm, which quickly became numb and started to swell up. "You better leave now or I'll call Rose."

"Very well, Bella," Edward snarled. "I can't wait for you to crawl back to me once the Volturi show up."

That was low. She glowered at him. "I can take care of myself. I don't need and want you anymore; I only hope that I have to never see you again."

"We'll see," he said, and before she could blink an eye, he was gone.

"Only in your dreams," Bella hissed, suddenly feeling totally overwhelmed by what just had taken place. On unsteady legs, she ran to the front door and yelled, "I fucking hate you, Edward Cullen!" She didn't care if Edward was still here to hear or if her neighbors would know. It was freeing to cry out her fury. She slammed the door shut, locked it - twice - and stumbled into her tiny bathroom to run cold water over her hand. "Ouch" she exclaimed, "I hope it is not broken".

Her phone jingled again. Who was calling her this insistently? She wrapped a towel around her arm and walked back into the other room, fishing her phone from the sofa. Alice! Bella pressed the answer-button, holding the phone to her ear with her good hand.

"Bella, are you alright?" Alice yelled. "We're on our way already. I didn't know he was going to see you. Edward must have decided on the spur of the moment..." Alice sounded really upset.

"I'm okay, Alice," Bella answered quietly, but her stomach lurched. "He's gone now."

Alice let out a relieved breath, and Bella could hear her flooring her car.

"You don't need to come here, Alice," Bella said. "I'm alright. You've got better things to do than babysitting me on Christmas Eve." She heard Rosalie laugh out sarcastically. She also might have said something like 'fucking idiot', 'control issues' and 'kick his ass'. But she wasn't sure. Her hearing was only human after all.

"He mentioned the Volturi coming after me. You're going to tell me if they come, aren't you?"

"I promised. Yes, I'll tell you. You don't need to worry. They haven't made the decision yet. They believe you're still on your honeymoon. Carlisle sent them a letter, reporting about your wedding and included wedding pictures. You should be safe right now. You should be safe for a while, I hope. Time doesn't mean the same to them like it does to a human."

"Fine," Bella said monotonously. She felt detached from her body somehow. "Listen, I'm really tired. Go home. I'll talk to you later." She snapped the phone closed and went back into her bathroom. Her head started to ache, her hand throbbed painfully. She wrapped ice around it, took some pain killers and went to bed.

Despite being totally exhausted, physically and mentally, she had never felt this strong in her life before. She fought for herself; she stood her ground. Actually, Bella felt a hint of pride with herself. There was lightness around her heart… like a small ray of light, she was starting to believe she would be able to live a life she needed and wanted – without Edward and the Cullens around.

Bella fell asleep with a small smile on her face, dreaming of sunny days and bright smiles...

* * *

Bella desperately waited for an answer to her letter, but it never came. The first three or four weeks, she practically sprinted to her mailbox whenever she came home from college or work, but she always found it empty.

Every so often, she held the phone in her hand, contemplating if she should give Jake a call. She shied away every time. What if he hung up on her? What if he told her to leave her alone? Or worse, what if Leah would answer his phone, telling her to go to hell?

Bella knew she loved Jake just as much as the day she realized that she was in love with him at all, but it was only wishful thinking that there could be any kind of future with him. She had missed her opportunity; she hurt Jake and he deserved better. He didn't want her that way. He didn't even want her as a friend anymore or he would have answered the letter, wouldn't he?

She had a very strong feeling that she might have lost Jacob for good. Her emotions got the better of her. She hadn't cried that hard for a long time. She felt so raw, so stripped, she could barely breathe. She holed up in her flat for another week. It hurt knowing that her attempt at making up with Jake had failed. It hurt a lot, although she had known deep in her heart that she'd lost Jacob the moment she'd left him after the battle. She'd always only pushed him away. Why should he answer to her letter?

By time February came, Bella had gotten her act together and finally decided to tell Charlie about her break-up.

First, Charlie had been real quiet and then he just let go. She had never heard Charlie that angry before. "I knew he was not good for you, Bella, and, why the hell, haven't you told me?" he shouted into the phone. "Why did you wait so long? I would have really wanted to know that my daughter is having a difficult time in her life," he ranted.

It took her quite a bit of time convincing Charlie that she simply needed to deal with this on her own first, that she needed to learn how to depend on herself and grow up.

Charlie never had been the emotional type. His outburst told Bella how much he cared for her and how much he had suffered during the last months by being cut out of her life. After his rant, he had calmed down and told her that he was so proud of her. But he had insisted that she needed to come see him - sooner rather than later now. He sounded pretty giddy all of a sudden, which made her smile and then she missed Charlie more than ever.

The week after the call to Charlie she packed up her stuff and transferred to Florida, ready to start a new chapter in her life.

She needed more time to heal and to figure out her life.

* * *

Bella got settled in Florida, got accustomed to the new people and put all her energy into her studies.

When she discovered her college was offering courses in self-defense for women, she signed up on the spur of the moment, remembering how good it felt being able to fight for yourself. The classes really were good for her.

The training did not only help her gain control over her body, it also helped her growing in confidence. The Volturi-threat somehow still looming over her, she wanted to be prepared. She knew with no doubt, it was utterly senseless to fight a vampire as a human, but she was determined not to go down at least trying.

Two times, she convinced Charlie to come down to Florida to see her instead of travelling to Forks. She simply could not bring herself to go to La Push at the moment. Charlie understood, but he insisted she couldn't hide forever; she eventually would have to face the people she had left behind.

Bella knew that he actually meant Jacob when he said people, but it was like a tacit agreement not to mention Jacob or anything that involved him. It still was a tender subject for Bella, and Charlie just… understood.

And suddenly, another year was almost over and she faced the third Christmas season since she left Forks.

Charlie was adamant she came over to visit. He was too busy to leave, and he would be working at the holidays, too, but he desperately wanted to see her. Could she really deny him that? He missed her so much.

Bella accepted Charlie's invitation after two nights of contemplating. She wanted to see Jacob again. She wanted to talk things out with him, hoping she could make her aments. She wanted Jacob back in her life, needed to be let back in his. She still missed him terribly. She wasn't sure if she would be strong enough if he would reject her, but simply couldn't stay away from him anymore.

Somehow, it felt as if…

…it was _time_ to go home.

* * *

**A/N: Guys, thank you for sticking around and reading our tale. I am so sorry for soooo much Edward in this chapter, it was very painful for us, trust me! We thought Bella needed to make this decision now to free herself from her vamp husband and really heal and commit to a new and independent life, and hopefully find her way HOME again where she belongs.  
**


	8. Back home

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: We hope you enjoy this chapter as much as we did. :-)**

**Thanks to our lovely betas JUL5857 and SueMe. We love you!**

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* * *

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**Hostage of Love**

_**Chapter 7**_

_**Back Home**_

.

_Maybe I'm a dreamer_

_Maybe I'm misunderstood_

_Maybe you're not seeing_

_The side of me you should_

_Maybe I'm crazy_

_Maybe I'm the only one_

_Maybe I'm just out of touch_

_Maybe I'm just not enough_

…

_Maybe it's hopeless_

_Maybe I should just give up_

_What if I can't trust myself_

_What if I just need some help_

_Maybe it's time to change_

_And leave it all behind_

_I've never been one to walk alone_

_I've been always been scared to try._

…

_So why does it feel so wrong_

_To reach for something more_

_To want to live a better life_

_What I am waiting for_

_Cause nothing stays the same_

_Maybe it's time to change_

…

_Cause nothing stays the same_

_Maybe it's time to change_

_.  
_

_Maybe, Sick Puppies_

**.**

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**

Charlie picked her up from the airport and they drove home in comfortable silence. The air smelled familiar, carrying the rich, clean scent of the forest, the slightly musky smell of crumbled leaves and the fresh aroma of rain frozen on the ground. Bella didn't realize she had missed it that much.

She noticed Charlie's eyes on her periodically and when she looked at him he would just smile at her, letting her know how happy he was to finally see her again. At the airport he hugged her so tight she thought he'd never let her go - _so not_ Charlie, and that made her realize even more how much he wanted her finally home.

_Home..._ she thought with a small flutter in her heart. _Had anything changed?_ Would the house display a "woman's touch" already, now that Charlie was with Sue? Did she change things around? Did she add some cute curtains to the windows? Or maybe she had planted flowers in their front yard? Bella actually felt excited to discover all the things that might have changed and genuinely happy to see Sue as well. Looking at Charlie, she saw a happy sparkle in his eyes. She couldn't remember seeing that in a very long time. He deserved happiness and someone to take care of him.

_Home... _she thought again. It felt good thinking about it. She finally felt strong enough to face what she needed to face for so long now. She had prepared herself mentally, so often had rehearsed this moment; she had grown up after all. Life had not been easy all the time. She had needed to learn how to deal with many different situations and how to stand up for herself. Bella was aware that she looked like a woman now. Her face showed the three extra years she had gained, not that she had gotten wrinkles; she just didn't look like a teenage girl anymore. Maybe it was her shorter hair too, but she also knew that she was a beautiful woman now, at least that is what she was told by some of her friends anyway.

Charlie suddenly entered the Forks City line. Her heart started to beat faster as she looked around, trying to make out familiar faces. "Dad, everything looks just the same!" she exclaimed excitedly. She had missed the trees, the dark clouds and even the clean washed roads from the rain. "It smells wonderful!"

It smelled like home...

_Jake! _

Bella briefly smiled. Of course, she would always associate home with Jake. She wondered if he already heard that she was arriving today. What was going through his mind? Would he try to contact her, try to see her? Or maybe he didn't want to see her at all? _Well, he is going to have to see me,_ she thought with determination. _I won't take no for an answer, I will talk to him. I will explain myself to him. I will tell him how much I love him, how much I always loved him, and how sorry I was for what I had put him through._

After all she knew he might be in a serious relationship with Leah, but Bella owed him an explanation at least. She could only hope that one day he would be her friend again. He had 'ignored' her letter, but he was not going to ignore her in person...

She felt strong; she was ready to face him. She would let him rant and rave if he needed too. He had the right to do so. She would take it willingly. She had been so stupid in the past, and now she would do her best to right that wrong.

"Home sweet home," Charlie said grinning and pulled up in their driveway, parking his cruiser next to another car, Bella recognized as the Clearwater's old Cherokee. The door of the house opened and Sue stepped out onto the porch.

Bella held her breath in anticipation, as she looked at Sue's smiling face. Sue was waiting for her to come home. She got out of the car and walked up the steps to greet Sue.

Sue gave her a big hug. "You have no idea how happy you made your dad by coming home, Bella. Welcome Home." Sue pressed her shoulder slightly, and quietly added, "It's good to see you alive and well."

Bella nodded, her heart in her throat. "Yeah..." she whispered, feeling a slight stab of guilt for making her... them... worry for so long. Everyone in the pack knew her secret had expected her to be changed into a vampire right after the wedding. She should have told them earlier...

"Come on in and have some iced tea with us." Sue said, interrupting her train of thought.

Bella happily accepted. Bella whole heartedly thanked her for taking care of Charlie while she was gone. The little twinkle in Sue's eyes had not gone unnoticed. Bella wondered what that was all about. But then again, Sue knew both of the worlds she had been 'running' with. Sue knew what happened to Jacob, how she broke Jake's heart and how she just left him behind. Bella also had this feeling that Sue also knew about her feelings for Jacob, too. It seemed strange, but what was 'normal' in her world anyway? In any case, Bella felt confident that she could trust Sue.

The following few days were relaxing and just what she needed to reconnect with Charlie, in addition to settling in as best as she could. Sue left them alone, so they could talk about everything in peace. Bella appreciated the gesture. She and Charlie talked about most of what had happened, why her marriage had failed and about her life in Jacksonville. Naturally, she had to leave all the super natural aspects out of her story. After Charlie had learned that Bella was working hard on herself and her education, he had told her that he was very proud of her new, independent life.

"Guess you grew up, kiddo," he said and they both had to laugh.

They spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning alone as well. Bella wondered out loud why Sue wouldn't even stop by, while taking a hearty bite out of a chocolate cookie and giggling through a funny scene of the movie she was watching. "The Santa Claus" had always been her favorite Christmas movie and it was just too funny seeing Tim Allen slowly turn into Santa Claus.

"Sue's with her kids and -" Charlie started, but stopped mid-sentence, looking at his daughter with an uneasy smile. "Bells, I really need to tell you-"

Bella held up her hand, telling him to stop. "Dad, don't. Please. I don't want to talk about it. Not today."

"Bella, you really should know..." Charlie insisted, shifting on the sofa uncomfortably.

Bella shook her head and bit down on her lip. _What was there to know? _She had already figured out that Jake and Leah were together. She didn't want to know any details. "I promise, dad. I'll listen to you later, but not today. It's Christmas." Bella peered at Charlie, silently asking for his understanding, but she felt guilty, too. She should at least ask her father about Billy and how he was doing. However, she was hesitant, too scared of what she might hear.

Charlie nodded, reluctantly, and turned his gaze back to the TV.

"Dad," Bella then asked quietly. "You didn't stay away from the Clearwater Christmas Party for me, did you?" Charlie had mentioned that both of them were invited.

"Bella, trust me, this quiet time with you here is very refreshing. Sometimes, those loud parties can be tiring with half of the LaPush boys cramping up Sue's space and eating her out of house and home," he noted, smiling broadly.

Bella couldn't concentrate on the movie anymore. Her thoughts were all over the place. Maybe Jake wasn't just "with" Leah anymore; maybe they were married by now. Maybe that was what her father wanted her to know. Maybe that was the reason why he didn't answer her letter. Maybe that was the reason why Sue treated her so nicely. If Jake was happy now, there'd be no reason for Sue to be mad with her anymore.

All the 'maybes' were driving her insane. Bella started to fidget in her seat. She needed to stop thinking about him and all the possibilities or she'd burst into tears and freak out Charlie entirely. Bella got up and went into her room.

Hours later, when she had calmed down a bit, Bella decided she was going to cook a nice meal for herself, Charlie and Sue. She hadn't cooked for other people in so long, and she really missed it. So she went downstairs and told Charlie, asking him to give Sue a call and invite her over for dinner the next day.

The next morning, she drove over to the market and picked out all the ingredients to cook a nice beef roast with mashed potatoes and corn on the cob. She hurried back home to get the meat browned and into the oven. While she was chopping the carrots and the onions she was thinking of all the meals she used to cook in this kitchen. All the meals Jake had enjoyed on so many occasions...

She longed all of a sudden to cook for Jake, she wanted to prepare all of his favorite meals and bake the cookies and pies he so enjoyed. Was there any hope that he would let her do so one day again or was it too late already?

Sue, Charlie and Bella had a wonderful evening. Sue was impressed with her cooking skills and promised to return the favor soon. She wanted Bella and Charlie come to her place and have a small welcome home celebration for Bella. "How about a New Year's Eve Party," Sue suddenly suggested.

"Um, I'm sorry, Sue, but I have to go back before New Year. Renee wanted me to be there with her and Phil for their New Year's Party. But thank you so much for your invitation. I really appreciate it." Bella saw the dissapointed look on Charlie's face right away and felt a little guilty, but there was only so much she could do about that.

That night, she lay in her bed, knowing she needed to go see Jake soon. She had only so much time left before she had to go back to Florida. Jake had not called or come by, not that she'd really expected him to do just that, but she had hoped he would. Deep down she had known Jake would stay away. It hurt badly, but she understood.

"Tomorrow, I will see him, no matter what," she whispered into her pillow. It would be the hardest thing she had to do yet. Bella only hoped he wouldn't hate her - this she wouldn't be able to handle. Her mind wandered back to almost three years ago when she had walked in on him and Leah in that small clearing in the woods. She couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if he had been alone that night.

She also remembered how she simply had needed to make sure he was okay after what had happened at her wedding. She cringed and felt her stomach drop as she thought back to that awful moment. She would never be able to forget the hurt, desperate look on Jake's face and how he had begged her not to go through with her 'honeymoon plans'.

She had been so stupid then. She had chosen Edward, never even clearly thinking about that it really was always her _sun_, her _light_, and her _warmth_ that she wanted and needed. Edward had fogged her mind with his predatory powers of persuasion. Unfortunately, she found that out only too late. "Oh, I really hate him," she murmured upset and slammed her fist down onto her mattress. "I even hate thinking about him!"

She would never forget how he had urged and enticed her to go find Jake. He had wanted her to find Jake and Leah and ultimately destroy Jacob, knowing what it would do to him, but also knowing how much it would hurt her as well.

"Argh, stop it already, Swan," Bella snarled at herself. It was hard enough dwelling on all those terrible 'what ifs'. It was the past and she wanted to move on. The next big step was clearing things up with Jake. "I have to stop stalling," she said resolutely.

She was going to see Jake.

.

* * *

.

The next day, Bella entered the small diner in Forks. She wanted some time to relax and get all her thoughts together for a while, and she thought this was done best away from home.

She sat down in a small booth and ordered herself some coffee. Her flight back to Florida would be the day before the New Year. That gave her five days. She needed to see Jake before then. There wasn't much time left. Bella sighed. She'd wasted so many days already, days she could have been at Jake's to clear things up.

She decided to go and see Jake today, but she wanted to wait until early evening when she thought Jake would be home. She was feeling anxious and excited at the same time. Still, she was going through with her plans.

The waitress put the large mug of steaming black liquid down in front of her. Bella generously added sugar and cream to it, lifted the mug and brought it to her lips. The coffee ran smoothly down her throat, soothing some of her anxiety. She looked up, when the front door opened and a new costumer came in.

Bella recognized her at once. She hadn't changed much since the day she had last seen her. In the woods… with Jacob… having sex… Bella gasped, her anxiety sky-rocketing.

It was Leah. A softer version of the Leah she had known, but nevertheless and unmistakably Leah.

Bella's eyes moved from Leah's face to the bump in front of her chest, realizing it was a baby. Considering its size it couldn't be older than a few weeks. Bella gasped again and her coffee mug almost slipped out of her hands.

Leah quickly surveyed the busy diner, searching for an open table and then her eyes had narrowed in on Bella. Leah's eyes widening in surprise. Bella fought the instant urge to hide behind her hair but offered Leah a meek wave, letting her know that she had recognized her too.

Confidently, Leah moved across the diner and walked straight toward Bella's table. Leah looked absolutely stunning. She was tall and lean and despite her apparent recent pregnancy, she was gorgeous and simply glowed.

Bella wanted to bolt and run. She didn't want to talk to Leah. She was scared of what she might find out. But then, Leah had never really bothered talking to her, so why should today be different? Bella lowered her head and stared into her coffee. Maybe, if she ignored Leah, Leah would ignore her too…

A pair of long, toned legs stopped right next to her table. "Hi, Bella. I'll be dammed, what a surprise to see you in here."

_Nope. Not lucky today._

Bella looked up, forcing half a smile upon her face. "Hi, Leah."

"You don't mind if I join you, do you? It's so crowded at this time of the day and there seems to be no tables open right now…" Leah said and sat down, not bothering for Bella to respond. Ignoring Bella, she loosened the fabric in which she carried her sleeping baby and removed the baby's hat, putting it on the table. It was a gesture so motherly, Bella wanted to weep. Her eyes assessed the baby's hair—shiny, black, thick and curly-and the skin tone—soft and copper, and then settled on the baby's hat. It was brown, hand-knitted and had tiny wolf ears. Suddenly, Bella felt sick to her stomach.

The waitress came and took Leah's order.

"Congrats on your baby," Bella choked out, clenching her hands to fists under the table. "How old is it?"

Leah beamed at her brightly. "He's two months old. His name is Yuma." She pulled the fabric down, letting Bella see her sleeping baby's face completely, which was scrunched up in deep sleep. The boy's long lashes casted shadows on pronounced cheekbones, his puckered lips made small, sucking sounds, and the nose… the nose was unmistakably Jacob's.

Bella's heart just sank and she felt a sharp pain in her chest.

The baby moved and whimpered softly; sticking a tiny fist out of the sling he was being carried in.

"There, there," Leah cooed. "You are one hungry little puppy, aren't you?" Quickly, she opened the rings that held the fabric in place and pulled it loose, supporting her baby with the other hand. Again, the boy whined, more vigorous this time. "This baby simply has no patience," Leah explained proudly and brought the baby across her stomach, positioning his head in the bend of her elbow. Unabashed, she unbuttoned the top of her blouse, enough to expose her plump breast.

Bella watched the baby's mouth open widely. He grunted, moving his head from side to side impatiently as he hungrily searched for his mother's nipple. Leah laughed and helped him to latch on. Then she grimaced and hissed. "Whoa! Easy there, sweetheart. This nipple is no chew toy."

For a moment, they silently watched the baby's rhythmic sucking and swallowing—Bella absolutely stunned, Leah almost overflowing with love for her tiny boy.

"He's beautiful…" Bella rasped eventually, swallowing down a sob. "Is it… is he… Jacob's?" Bella asked, digging her fingers into her thighs.

"Most likely," Leah answered smirking, and put a streak of her chin-length, glossy hair behind her ear. "He could be Sam's though, too, but when I really look at him closely…he has more Jake's face, doesn't he?" Leah laughed.

Bella could only stare at Leah. _WHAT?_

Leah laughed out again and winked at Bella. "It was one hell of a weekend when I went into heat… It was surprising to say the least, and overwhelming. I believe it can be really painful if you don't have someone to scratch your itch, if you know what I mean." Leah snickered. "But I had Jake mostly for that. He was always really eager to help me out... but so did Sam."

They stopped talking when the waitress came to put down the hot chocolate Leah had ordered in front of her and waited for her to leave.

Bella just stared at Leah in shock. "Sam?" she finally questioned. "I thought he is with Emily."

"Well, it's a long story Bella, this imprint crap is not really what it appeared to be at one time, trust me," Leah said with a wink of her eye, leaving Bella even more confused. "And with me being in heat... Man, the wolves were going insane," Leah went on. "If it weren't for Sam and Jake, the whole pack would have run down my front door."

The baby mewled and Leah positioned him on her other breast. Yuma latched on and was content, while Leah went on talking, caressing the boy's tiny feet. "I hadn't been feeling well for a couple of days and thought that maybe I was getting sick or something, but then all of a sudden I was as horny as I've ever been before."

Bella felt more and more sick in her stomach, but she couldn't move, nor could she take her eyes of Yuma and Leah.

"I was a little out of my mind those days… Being in heat is…" Leah laughed again, waving with her hand dismissively. "Sam was still the Alpha back then and... you know..." Leah stopped, staring at Bella, and then she blurted out, "Who could resist the Alpha... I tried, but..." She shrugged and smirked smugly. "I wonder how Jake managed to share… He was so dominating and possessive at the time.

"Jake is the Alpha now?" Bella wondered out loud.

"Jacob was always meant to be our Alpha. We've been waiting so long for him to accept his fate and take responsibility," Leah exclaimed, looking like the old Leah for just a moment. "Jake has been our Alpha for almost nine months now." She trailed off and looked at her sucking baby admiringly, all calm again.

Bella only wanted to cover her ears and run now. How could Leah talk to her as if she was her bestie? She definitely wasn't, never had been. Bella didn't want to hear how they had screwed each other. The visual she had from finding them going at it in the forest was reminder enough for an entire lifetime. And now she was telling her she was screwing Sam as well? _What was going on down there in La Push?_

"Did you know that's what happened to Embry's mom?" Leah asked, twirling a strand of her hair between her fingertips.

"What? That Jake mated with her?" Bella gasped horrified.

"No, silly." Leah cackled like a hyena. When did Leah actually become that overly humorous? "Kateri went in heat, even though she never phased. She had been barren for years and suddenly, _bam_! The men on the Rez practically went crazy with her smell… but it was Billy she chose and several months later, Embry was born."

Bella groaned and buried her face in her hands. Leah really was too talkative for her liking. She suddenly very much wanted back the old, bitchy Leah. Did she want to know about Billy and – _gulp_ – Embry's mom? _Hell, no!_ Things are getting pretty weird around here.

"But how could you... How could Sam...?" she heard herself ask despite the awkward situation she already was in, realizing at the same time that it would open the doors to more of Leah's, uhm, gossip…

Leah's head snapped up and she glanced at Bella arrogantly. "It's complicated and... actually... It's none of your concern." She leaned forward and stated cooly, "We heard that you're separated from your leech now."

Bella blushed and shifted in her seat, feeling even more uncomfortable. She wasn't used to talk about her private life so openly, but she also wasn't ashamed of the divorce anymore. If anything, she'd only been ashamed to have married Edward in the first place... Bella straightened and answered in a calm voice, "I broke up with him two years ago." It was all Bella was willing to share. The only people who deserved the whole truth were her parents and Jake.

"At least you don't stink as bad anymore," Leah responded and waited for Bella to tell her more. When Bella stayed silent, her lips pressed to a thin line. "What are you doing here anyway?" She glared at Bella. "Messing up everything all over again?" Leah asked with a disgusted expression.

Bella suddenly was annoyed. How rude would it be at this point if she just stood up and left?

No! She had promised to herself, she wouldn't run away anymore from uncomfortable situations. So she straightened her back instead and told her the same thing she was told only a few moments ago. "Leah, I believe _this_ is none of _your_ business," Bella called out to her, with a sudden burst of confidence.

Leah leaned over the table and hissed aggressively, "Stay the hell away from Jake. I won't let you hurt him all over again! He's been through enough thanks to you!"

Bella flinched and knew it was time to leave. Seeing Leah and the baby just was too much to handle, and now Leah practically threatening her... She couldn't stay here any longer. Her stomach clenched painfully. "I really need to go now. Charlie is waiting for me. I promised dinner would be ready when he comes home…" She jumped up, placing the money for her coffee on the table. "Bye, Leah!"

Bella grabbed her jacket and her purse, and hurried to the bathroom, feeling sick and overwhelmed by all the information. She was scared now, too, scared that she might have lost Jake forever. Even though she had known that Jake was with Leah, it felt like a huge stab to her heart - knowing Jacob was a father. The tiny bit of hope Bella had carried deep inside her, that he might try and love her again, slipped away and left Bella shocked to the core.

She splashed cold water onto her face, trying to shake off the sickness she felt. She looked at herself in the mirror. Yeah, she looked just about how she felt right now, defeated and very sad. When she slowly made her way back out of the bathroom, thinking this day just couldn't get any worse than it was already, she was proven wrong...

Pushing the bathroom door open and stepping out into the hall, Bella froze on the spot. She expected Leah to be gone, too, but when she checked the table where she had been sitting just moments before, her eyes spotted… Jake!

Her eyes glued themselves on to him as he greeted Leah. He kissed her lovingly on the cheek, and took the baby into his arms… ever so carefully. She could only stare at him with awe. He wore a fitted white button-down shirt and black jeans, looking absolutely gorgeous and sexy and— _God_, he took her breath away.

He had the sleeves of his white shirt rolled up to his elbows and his arms, deep russet skinned, were like tree trunks. Her eyes traveled even lower yet, passing his small waist, and her breath caught, her mouth went all dry. Why had she never noticed this tight, sexy ass of his?

Her eyes soaked everything in. She was mesmerized by what she saw.

Jacob sat down next to Leah, stretching his long legs out. Bella felt the panic rise up in her throat as she realized there was no way out, that there was no way to escape this humiliation of having to witness this 'happy family'.

Her heart skipped several beats, before accelerating to a frantic pace.

She thought she might pass out right then and there.

The waitress rushed passed Bella, almost bumping into her. She apologized and Bella stepped out of her way, before looking back to Jake.

Suddenly Jacob inhaled deeply. He turned his head, tilting it, and then his eyes zoomed in on her.

Their eyes locked.

She felt like she was looking right into Jacob's soul. All of his pain seemed to reflect in his eyes, reflecting every day, every month and every year that she was gone.

It hurt knowing that she had inflicted that pain on him, but at the same time she felt incredibly drawn to him. She kept looking into the depth of his dark brown eyes, knowing that all of her hopes and dreams lay within. She had dreamt of this moment for so long. Her eyes filled with tears, but she didn't dare blink them away. It was like there was no one else in the world but her and Jacob in that moment.

There he was, so close, and she would only need to walk across the hall and greet him. She would only need to ask him if they could talk. It would be the mature thing to do. Talk to him and clear things up. That was why she was here, right?

Bella noticed Jacob stand up, ever so slowly, never leaving her eyes for one second, his body now fully facing her.

Suddenly, it was all too much. Her emotions got the better of her. She could feel the tears behind her eyes, and although she really, really needed to talk to him, to be near him, to beg for his forgiveness, she couldn't. Not with Leah and the baby in close proximity. She needed to talk to him when he was alone. There was no way that she would let Leah hear everything that she had to say to Jake. His eyes had spoken volumes, she almost drowned in them. She was almost sure that she had seen longing and love in them. _If only she were that lucky._

She offered Jake a sad, apologetic smile and a little wave, turned around and slowly walked out of the diner.

.

* * *

.

On his way to his next costumer, Jacob drove by the diner in Forks and stopped, seeing Leah's car stand in the parking lot. He parked his black Chevy truck and walked in, his eyes making Leah out in the crowd instantly. He walked over to her and his son, ordering a cup of coffee on his way to the booth. He was greeted by the owner of the diner and some of the other patrons warmly. Jacob smiled and returned their friendly gesture by waving his hand at them as well.

"Hey," he said smiling and pecked Leah on her lips. "I saw your car outside. Are you both enjoying your afternoon?" he asked with a deep loving voice. He took the baby from her arms, cradling him to his chest, and sat down beside Leah.

"Hey, buddy. How are you doing?" he cooed, placing a sweet kiss onto the baby's forehead. His ears pricked up when he heard a slight commotion across the hall. Then his nose picked up a scent….. strawberries and vanilla. He tensed slightly, sniffing the air, his expression changing. The hair on his neck started to tingle. Immediately, there was this all too familiar ache in his heart, only worse now, he felt a sharp pain and this stunned him beyond belief.

"Jacob," Leah called out to him, but he only raised his hand to gesture to her to be quiet.

Leah knew when he was serious, and he was very serious right now, she felt sorry for him. _Damn Bella,_ she thought; really irritated now.

Jacob's eyes flew around the diner immediately, scanning everybody until he saw her standing by the bathroom door.

Jacob froze.

He felt the blood drain from his face as their eyes met and she held his gaze.

His world completely stopped!

Neither one of them could move. They were completely stunned by each other's presence.

_She really came home,_ was all he could think.

She looked rattled, deeply shaken, and pretty pale, but still she was beautiful. She had grown into an even more gorgeous woman. Her features were more defined and, of course, she still had her beautiful chocolate brown soft eyes. He had been dreaming of those eyes almost every night since she had left.

A single tear ran down her cheek; her lower lip trembled a little bit. Yes, she had changed. Her hair was shorter, the soft curls tickling the slender line of her neck, and she had gained some weight, too. It suited her perfectly. She became a woman while she was away.

"Leah, please, take Yuma for a moment," he asked Leah, his voice toneless, and he handed the baby over.

He had known that Bella came back to see Charlie, but until now he couldn't bring himself to go to her yet. Naturally, he also waited for her to make the first move, and now she was right here in front of him... _What was she going to do? What should HE do?_

There was so much that he needed to hear from her. So much that he needed to tell her in return. He wanted to know why she hadn't told him about her divorce. He felt that he deserved to know and that he deserved an apology, _hell_... and a lot more… but he also owed her.

He always regretted what she was forced to witness in the woods …..with Leah. He still was sorry that she saw, and he wanted her to know this.

Jacob didn't know if things would ever be okay between them, if they could forgive each other, but they needed to try at least.

Slowly, he rose to his feet.

Bella turned her head ever so slowly, looking over to where Leah was sitting with Yuma. He could see her mind going into over-drive. Then she looked back at him, her eyes meeting his once more. The deep sadness in them mirrored his desperation.

She looked at Leah again and back to him, and then slowly shook her head, losing some of the tears she was holding. She smiled at him, with the sad look on her face, and gave him a small wave with her hand and turned to leave.

Before he could compel his body to cross the space between them, Bella walked out of the restaurant with her head held high.

Finally he jerked forward, but a hand wrapped around his arm, holding him in place. "Don't, Jake," a soft voice said. "Let her go, she needs some time right now."

Jacob slumped onto his seat, unwittingly rubbing his chest. It hurt, seeing her leave. _ Aw, Bella we need to talk!_ The tiny wail of his son pulled him back and suddenly, the noises and smells that had faded away when he saw her, hit him full force. He started trembling and clenched his hands, trying to regain control over himself.

"I need to talk to her," Jacob said, his voice raspy.

"And you will, but give her some time," Leah replied, giving him a look of commiseration. "It must have been hard for her seeing me with Yuma and then you showed up..."

Jacob rubbed his face and groaned inwardly. Things were starting to get complicated all over again… Bella had been so shocked. It was as if she didn't know about the baby. Wouldn't Charlie have told her?

"She was clueless," Leah said as if she was able to read his mind, and placed the baby from her one shoulder to the other. "I thought she should know and—"

"…you told her all the gory details. Way to go, Leah!" Jacob retorted and rolled his eyes. It was so typical Leah. He ran his hands through his hair, holding himself back from snapping at her. After a long uncomfortable silence, he finally asked, "Will you come by tonight?"

"I don't think so," Leah answered, and gave him an apologetic smile. "Sam wanted to see Yuma, and Mom wanted to see us, too. I suppose you'll be with Bella anyway, so I better make myself scarce, right?"

"Ah, Leah. Don't be like this," Jacob muttered, and tickled his son's chubby feet. "But you could be right, though. Bella and I, we need to talk things out. We just can't go on like this…"

Leah put the baby into his arms before leaning into his side.

Jacob left a couple of minutes later to go to his appointment with his costumer, feeling lighter than he had in a very long time. He finally had seen Bella with his own eyes.

His heart sped up just a little...

.

* * *

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**A/N: Sooooo... Are you angry with us now? Wanna slap us or throw your computer out of the window? We can only say one thing: TRUST US! I'm sorry I didn't respond to any of your reviews. It was just that I was sooooo busy re-designing our www(dot)jacobblack-n-pack(dot)ning(dot)com site... I didn't even upload this chapter although it was finished for the longest time *sighs* Let me tell you how proud we are about each and every one of your reviews. They really are appriciated. I'm trying to be good this time and respond to your reviews.  
**

**Lots of love, Nic (& JB)**


	9. What Went Wrong

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N:** **Here we are folks, we hope you will like this chapter, enjoy!**

**Our love and appreciation goes out to our awesome** **betas JUL5857 and SueMe.** **HUGS Dolls!**

* * *

_**Hostage of Love**_

_**.  
**_

_**Chapter 8**_

_**What went wrong?**_

_**.**_

._**  
**_

_How I wish you could see the potential_

_The potential of you and me_

_It's like a book elegantly bound_

_But in a language you can't read just yet_

_You gotta spend some time, love_

_You gotta spend some time with me_

_And I know that you'll find love_

_I will possess your heart_

_.  
_

_I will possess your heart, _

_Death Cab for Cutie_

_._

._  
_

The pain was unbearable.

His dark, soulful eyes were pleading with her, silently asking her to stay, but she didn't have the strength.

Bella walked out of the diner at a moderate pace with her head held high, fighting hard to keep her dignity by keeping the tears at bay. She heaved a sigh of elation when she finally made it into her truck and quickly eased out of the parking lot, eager to leave this place as fast as she could without causing a stir.

No matter how._..excited_ and _happy_... she felt to finally see Jake, the knowledge that he had built a _real_ life, had a _real_family caused her immeasurable pain, which rose above everything else. She wasn't even around the first corner when she allowed her tears to flow freely now, there was no point in holding them back anyway. With her first tears came a cry so hopeless, she felt utterly utter devastation to her core. The sobs wracked her body; her salty tears blinded her vision. She needed to pull over.

Visions of the moment when she had walked into the clearing, seeing both of them having sex, and now how Jacob had kissed Leah and took the baby into his arms, made Bella cry even more.

He looked so content and so happy holding his son. He was so beautiful. Even from where she was standing, she could _feel_the love he felt for his baby - and Leah.

Her sobs came harder; her heart clenched painfully. She hunched over and clutched the wheel tightly. She had suspected that Jacob had moved on and probably was with Leah given the few hints Charlie dropped here and there, but to actually really see him interacting with his baby and Leah... was simply too much. Why did it hurt so much? She knew she should be happy for him, but it tore her apart. Jake deserved to be happy, she reminded herself, she always wanted him to be happy, if only... she had come to her senses much earlier, if only... she were more persistent in trying to contact him... if only.

Her breath came in short painful gasps. She felt like everything was totally lost. Any chance she might have ever had, once upon a time... seemed gone... Gone. This sudden realization ripped her heart into painful pieces. She held her arms tight around her chest as if it could prevent the pain. This was worse than anything she ever had experienced before. She _needed_ Jake so much. _What had she done? _

The desperate sobbing quieted after a while, but her tears wouldn't stop. Bella started her truck and slowly drove home. She knew that she needed to pull herself together in case Charlie was home. She didn't want him to see her like that. She felt humiliated enough for a life time, and she brought it onto herself after all. She needed to stay strong, on the outside at least, for now, for Charlie.

After she parked her truck, she slowly walked up the steps, as if she were in some kind of strange trance. She opened the front door and Charlie recognized her condition immediately. He looked up from the papers he was working on and his eyes got wide in acknowledgement. "You saw him..." he stated with a frown and sighed. "...and you found out."

Bella nodded weakly and walked to the sink, pouring herself a glass of water. She was parched from all the crying. Her throat was dry, her lips chapped... on the inside she didn't feel any better, either. In fact, this was truly the worst day in her entire life. All of her energy, and her will to go on had been drained away.

"I'm sorry, Bells. I tried to tell you, and I probably should have told you a long time ago, but I did not know how-" Charlie started, but Bella interrupted.

"Yeah, I know, Dad." She slugged the water down and refilled her glass. ..._How he tenderly hugged the baby..._

"I never let you talk about him when you wanted to tell me... It's my fault." She drank some more water before putting her glass down. Bella felt awful. And stupid, really stupid. It really was her fault alone. If she hadn't been so afraid of what Charlie had to tell her, she wouldn't have made a complete fool out of her today. If she hadn't been so afraid period. Listening to Leah gush over the events had been like a slap in her face. _It was one hell of a weekend when I went into heat…_Bella blushed. She still was mortified.

Charlie looked at her, not hiding his concern. "You alright, kiddo?"

Bella walked across the room and stopped beside him, taking his hand and pressing it slightly. "He's happy," she said and smiled, wiping a fresh tear from her face. _He's even more beautiful than when I saw him last time. Being a dad seemed natural for him_ "I'm happy for him, Dad, he deserves the best."

.

~*~o~*~o~*~

.

"You look terrible, Bella," Charlie answered gruffly, his eyes flickering over her with a worried expression on his face. _Jacob_ and _happy_? Those words didn't seem to belong together when it came to Jacob - not for a long time anyway.

He could be wrong, though, because Jacob had changed a lot over the last couple of months. Or that was what Billy kept saying when they went fishing or met to watch TV.

However, Charlie hadn't seen him often since the baby had been born. He was told that he took the responsibilities that came with being a father seriously. He had started working at the local real estate agency full time, was pursuing another part time job halfway up to Makah as a construction worker and he was still repairing cars in his garage. One could mean that for Jacob a day didn't stop after 24 hours... but _happy_?

Looking at his daughter, Charlie had the feeling that things were more difficult than it seemed. He had seen Jacob after Bella had married the Cullen kid and went away. He could never shake the feeling that Jacob's feeling for Bella ran really deep and that Leah somehow was sort of a replacement…

Bella pressed his hand again, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Don't worry, Dad. I'll get over it," Bella replied, trying to sound confident. "I'm a big girl now. I can handle this... but..." She let go of Charlie and went to the stairs. "I'd rather be alone now if you don't mind..."

"Sure, Bella, get some rest. Take a nap maybe..." Charlie told her, his concern evident by his sadden tone.

On her way upstairs, Bella could feel her father's sorrowful stare on her back, but she couldn't hold up her strong facade much longer. She started crying as soon as she closed the door of her room behind her.

For the remainder of the day, Bella stayed in her room, wallowing in self-pity and sorrow. She knew it was pathetic and that she had promised to herself to be strong, and confident, and grown-up. However, it was damn hard to be strong when all her hopes and dreams had been shattered with a few simple words. _Is he Jake's?_... _Most likely… he has more of Jake's face..._

She would be strong again tomorrow. Today, she only wanted to drown in regret and despair.

.

~*~o~*~o~*~

.

Jacob came home late, finding his house empty and quiet.

It seemed that Leah and Yuma were over at Sue's or maybe they were at Sam's. He couldn't remember if or what Leah had told him earlier. He picked up one of Yuma's socks and his baby blanket that lay on the floor and folded it neatly, before he went into the shower, feeling emotionally drained.

He kept thinking of Bella's eyes, and her facial expression… pure devastation and shock. Her eyes were like endless pools of sadness. He hated to see her sad; he always had and he still did.

He also thought about how beautiful she was. She had grown into an even more beautiful woman - if that was even possible. He couldn't stop himself from thinking way back, thinking how she had looked up to him with bright eyes, wearing a wedding gown that _so_ wasn't her... _I can have a real wedding night, a real honeymoon..._

_Oh, hell no,_ he thought with fervor. There was no way he was going _there_again. He quickly finished washing up and got out of the shower. Stark naked and dripping - good thing Leah wasn't there to berate him for leaving puddles on the floor - he went into his bedroom and pulled a pair of sweat pants out of his dresser, putting them on.

He was so wound up; his muscles were twitching. A run in wolf form would help him for sure, but, hearing his stomach growl suddenly getting something to eat seemed the priority right now. In the kitchen, he found a couple of sandwiches that Leah must have prepared for him earlier and sat down on his huge leather couch. He ate the sandwiches, while watching TV but couldn't concentrate for one straight minute. He decided to give his father a quick call, making sure his old man was okay, and then he went back to watching TV. Still, he couldn't get his thoughts off Bella.

He really wished she would have come to see him, he knew she couldn't know where he lived, but if she really wanted to find him, it clearly wouldn't be too hard to find out. She could ask his dad, her dad, Sue… ask anybody. If she really wanted she would find out.

Jacob sighed and ran his hands through his hair. If he was honest with himself, he had already figured that she wouldn't show up. Not by the look he had seen in her eyes when she had turned and walked out of the diner.

She was hurt, seeing him with Leah and the baby... _Hell!_He could even understand that. However, they needed to talk. It was time! After all, she owed him some serious answers... and he had to tell her so much, too.

Jacob got up and grabbed his car keys, but then he stopped and reached for the shirt that hang haphazardly over one of the chairs and slipped into a pair of shoes.

.

~*~o~*~o~*~

.

After sulking the entire afternoon and part of the evening, Bella felt trapped and closed in. She could no longer stay indoors. She needed to get out; she needed to get some fresh air, and maybe clear her mind a little.

She got up from her bed and walked into the bathroom to at least wash her face and comb her messy hair. She looked as terrible as she felt. "Who cares anyway," she muttered, tossing her brush onto the counter. Bella slowly walked down the stairs, wondering what Charlie was doing. She knew she had him worried...again.

The house seemed quite, too quite. "Dad?" she called out. Nothing. She went into the hallway and noticed that his jacket was gone. Maybe he went to Sue's place. It was better that way. Tonight, Bella wasn't the best company. She didn't want to worry him more that it was necessary, and she also didn't want to explain where she would go at that late hour.

Putting on her warm jacket, some gloves, her old green beanie and a warm scarf, she quietly left the house. The wind was fierce and she shuddered. She just wasn't used to this cold anymore.

She stumbled down the porch, almost slipping on a frozen patch on the stair, holding herself up-right in the last moment, and noticed that she had forgotten her car keys. "Crap!" she cursed under her breath and hurried back as fast as she dared. Then she did something she rarely did; she went into the kitchen and took two cans of Charlie's beers. A little alcohol would for sure ease her anxious mind tonight...

Armed with her beer, Bella finally made her way back to the truck, welcoming the opportunity to numb her senses. She had no idea what she was doing or where she was going. She didn't care at the moment, either. _Just away,_she thought. She needed to get out of here and just drive, so she climbed into her truck and did just that; Mindlessly driving around without an aim or any sense of time.

At some point, Bella killed the engine, too exhausted to go on any longer. She sat for a moment, staring numbly into space. She heard the sound of waves then, and her head jerked up. "First Beach!" she shouted out, while her heart started to race and her breath came in short gasps. Of all places she could have gone, she came here?

Her fingers started to tingle. She felt a little light-headed, too, and there she realized she was steering towards one of her panic attacks. "Breathe, Bella..." she panted, trying to recall the relaxation techniques she had learned during her yoga classes in Florida. If only it were that easy, everything here reminded her of her happy times with Jake... Deliberately, she took some slow and deep breaths, trying to concentrate as much as she could.

It took her some time to get her bearings, but when she finally got her act together, she shrugged her shoulders and grabbed her beer and a flashlight that was knew was stored in the glove department. Carefully, because it was so dark here, Bella made her way down to the beach. She needed to numb this pain in her chest, even when it was senseless and stupid. Drinking never had even solved a problem before, but the soothing numbness that came with drinking really was compelling right about now.

With a sigh, Bella pulled her flash light out of her pocket and let its light help her find her way without breaking a leg. When she finally found were she wanted to go to, she sat down ...on _their l_og! She opened the first can of beer, thinking about all the times she had been here with Jake. She huffed and gulped half the can down in one swig.

"Yuk." She shuddered from the unpleasant taste. How could Charlie drink that stuff and like it? However, the alcohol immediately warmed her from the inside and as soon as she had emptied the first can, she felt a numbing buzz of the alcohol already. It made her light-headed, but this time the feeling actually was kinda _nice_.

Bella opened the second can and took a couple more sips. Then she closed her eyes and dreamt of what she had lost...

_Jacob._

.

~*~o~*~o~*~

.

"Damn, Jake! Tonight is poker night. Where the hell are you?" Embry rattled the door knob on the front door.

"Guess, he blew us off, " Quil complained. "His truck is gone, too. Looks like someone had better things to do tonight." He laughed raunchily, and elbowed Embry in the side. The next moment, he lifted the bottle of Jack he was carrying with him in a paper bag. "Embry, my brother," he exclaimed. "No way we let this liquid silk go to waste!"

"It would be a shame," Embry agreed and they decided to make their way down to the beach, following the little path leading through Jake's back yard directly down to the beach. Jake's rental house really was convenient. Quiet, hidden away for privacy, and right on the beach.

Quil cradled the bottle of Jack Daniels in his arms, laughing at the lame jokes Embry told, when almost simultaneously they both noticed a figure in the distance, slumped against a large piece of drift wood.

"Dude, this looks like a girl. Let's go and have some fun," Embry called out. "I guess this is our lucky night after all." In good spirits, they hurried forward and when they were about half way there, they came to a sudden halt, picking up a familiar scent. Surprised, they stared at each other.

"Fuck me," Quil said. "It's Bella, bro. I told you she came back."

They observed her for a moment, listening to her humming. She sure looked as if she was in dire need of some company.

"Let's go down there and see what she is up to," Embry suggested and started walking toward her in a fast pace. Suddenly stopping again, he sniffed the air and couldn't believe it. "Dude, do you smell that?" he asked Quil.

"She's drinking," they both exclaimed in unison and crossed the space with a few quick strides, smiling broadly. The night promised to be fun.

They knew she wouldn't be able to hear them approaching as the waves and the wind were too noisy. In fact, she wouldn't be able to hear them approaching in any case. Wolves were sneaky, and walking soft-footed came natural to them. When they were close enough, Quil coughed trying to get Bella's attention, but to no avail. She was too wrapped up with herself, and then they picked up something more with their excellent sight and hearing. She was sniffing quietly.

"Damn, crying girls are no fun," Quil wailed.

"Maybe she'd rather be alone?" Embry thought about turning around and giving Bella privacy.

Quil shook his head. "Are you crazy, man? It's freezing cold. We can't leave her all alone by herself and drinking..."

"Yeah, that would be irresponsible..." Embry said and grinned, figuring out that a sad girl would need a lot of comfort.

Quil deliberately stepped on a piece of driftwood lying around. It broke with an audible crack. "That should do it," he stated.

"Who's there?" Bella spun around, startled by the sudden and unwelcome interruption to her moping. Frantically, she fumbled around for her flashlight and when she found it, she switched it on, practically floodlighting the intruders.

"Bella, Bella, Cinderella," Quil called out while holding his hand up to protect his eyes. "It's us, the big bad wolves. We

might be blind wolves, though, if you flash us a little while longer..." He cracked up about his own lame joke which earned him an elbow in the rips by Embry. "Ouch."

"Hey, Bella, remember us?" both exclaimed once more in unison.

"Quil? Embry?" Bella asked, narrowing her eyes. She acknowledged the two men before her, but they looked a little bit different - bigger than she remembered. Plus they gained even more muscle mass over the last years. They looked quite handsome, too, she admitted to herself. That made her think of Jake again, and she felt another painful stab in her chest. She stood up, a little wobbly on her feet. "I'm so sorry," she said with a worried expression on her face. "I know... Tribal property and all... I shouldn't be down on Reservation land at this time... I kinda just ended up here..."

Her voice had a slight slur.

"It's okay. In case someone complains, we invited you," Embry stated and gave her the once-over. "You look different," he said appreciating and smiled broadly. "You look niiice."

"Yup, quite the woman," Quil joined in. "So, how have you been? Did you finally get rid of your bloodsucker huh? Must have gotten tired of those frostbites and freezer burns on, you know... those fine... delicate parts, huh?" He cackled again.

"Haha, you are so hilarious, Quil, Bella said dryly, feeling somewhat embarrassed. With that she gulped down the rest of her second beer.

"Why are you hiding out down here anyway?" Embry asked, pointing at the empty beach. "It's too cold for you to be here all on your own." He looked at her with concerned eyes.

"I'm perfectly fine. Thank you for asking... And I am not hiding out, I just..." What could she tell them without revealing how shitty she was feeling? "I just wanted a little private party, if you don't mind," Bella blurted out, deciding she wouldn't let them intimidate her.

"Is that so? And what exactly are you drinking?" Quil wanted to know.

"Some beer, but... sorry... no more left for you, guys," she said and tossed the empty can behind her shoulders. Her head felt a lot lighter than before. It actually was a nice feeling and exactly what she'd been hoping for.

Embry and Quil checked her out from top to bottom and looked at each other with satisfied grins. "Bella, do you mind if we keep you company for a while?" Quil asked. "We have a real fine bottle right here," Quil said while exposing his Jack Daniels.

"Aren't you too young to even buy that legally?" Bella mocked.

Embry snorted. "Bella, look at us, come on."

"Bet you can't handle it though," Quil dared.

Bella bit the insides of her cheek, eyed the guys and eyed the bottle. The offer was tempting. She needed a little more alcohol to numb that ache in her heart. "This will be perfect, guys. Have a seat," she invited them.

Quil and Embry sat down next to her, one at her left side, and one at her right side. With the two hunky Quileute settled on either left and right of her, Bella felt a lot warmer suddenly. She hadn't realized that she had been cold at all.

Quil opened the bottle and held it out for Bella.

"Sorry, lady. No glasses," Embry said with a smirk and winked at her.

"I don't care!" Bella exclaimed, while accepting the bottle from Quil. She sniffed the content and made a face, but then closed her eyes and took a big sip. The liquid burned its way down her throat, making her gasp and cough. _Good, at least this stuff might burn her heart right out of her chest._

"Hey, hey," Quil hollered. "Leave some for us."

Embry slapped her on her back and asked with concern, "Are you alright?"

Bella's head started to spin a little and she felt like talking all of a sudden. "So, guys, tell me what's new down here in La Push," Bella dared to ask. She took one more drink, handing the bottle back to Quil, feeling giggles coming up within her chest. "This stuff is not half bad."

Ignoring her question, Quil winked at her. "Man, Bella, I really like you much better now since you left those fucking leeches. Finally saw the light of day, huh?" he went on.

Embry exclaimed while chocking down a huge gulp. "You smell so much better, too."

Now, Bella busted out laughing hard. Quil and Embry could not help but joining in.

.

~*~o~*~o~*~

.

Yes, it was time they talked this out. Jacob was determined not let her walk away from him again. "And if I have to hold her down… I swear I will," he grumbled. As he slowly walked to his truck, he tried to think of how he should start this conversation. He knew this would be very difficult for both of them.

He sniffed the air. It was a cold, clear night, and he could just imagine how she might be rolled up in her think blanket, watching one of her beloved old movies or reading her books. She always loved to read.

What had happened to them? Maybe if he had handled a couple of things differently, things would have turned out to his favor... Had he pushed her too hard? Or maybe he should have pushed her harder? She was so damn stubborn, it still enraged him. His thoughts once again travelled back to a time where he still had the hope he would be able to convince her that he was better for her than this fucking leech.

"No!" He stopped himself. These days were long gone. He had responsibilities now. But he needed to talk to her and he really wanted to see her.

Jacob jerked the key into the ignition and slowly rolled down his driveway. He didn't know what she expected him to do anyway. _Hell,_ he felt sort of _insecure_, which was really a rare situation for him nowadays. _She_still knew how to make him feel inadequate.

He had never loved someone as much as he loved _her. She_had always been his weakness; he would have done anything and everything for her.

Jacob clenched his teeth and gripped the wheel so hard, his knuckles turned white. IF she really was feeling something for him, she would have contacted him and not avoid him like the plague, right? He was pitching his hopes too high all over again. _God dammit!_ He wanted answers from her. If nothing else, he deserved closure. Maybe at least he finally would be able to sleep through the one single night without _her_haunting his dreams.

He knew it was pointless. No matter what he did or whom he was with, it always came back to this one small girl, who held his heart hostage. She was ingrained in his heart and soul so deeply and so permanently. It was fucking unbelievable.

_Fuck it!_

"Face it, Black. You're still in love with Bella and you always will be." He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands, feeling utterly disgusted with himself.

Jake drove the familiar road into Forks, taking his time, feeling the same old pain in his chest.

As he got closer to Charlie's house, he parked his car down the road and walked the rest of the way. For some reason, he didn't want to be caught by Charlie, nor did he feel like answering any of his questions. He was lucky, though. Charlie's cruiser was gone, which was a good sign that Charlie was either at the station or at Sue's.

Jacob could hear no sounds coming from inside. There was no light on either, and the window to her room was closed. Was she sleeping already? "Well too damn bad, there is only one way to find out...and I am going to find out," he murmured and with that, he lithely climbed up the tree to her window. "Like freaking old times." He grinned sarcastically.

"Bella," he called out quietly, and rapped at her window pane. "Bella, open up." Nothing but silence. He peered through the window, hoping to catch a glimpse. He found her room empty. Where was she? Did she fall asleep on the sofa?

Jacob climbed back down, now peering through the front window. He could directly look into the Swan's living room. It was empty as well. "Fuck," he cursed. "I missed her." As he walked back to his truck debating what he should do now. "Go figure, she just knows how to ruin everything anyway," he thought sadly. He decided to drive back home, sleep a couple of hours and come back, bright and early in the morning. He wasn't about to let her slip away again, he was determined to talk this out, once and for all.

.

~*~o~*~o~*~

.

"I never thought you were the funny type, Swan," Quil said and leaned a little bit closer. His hand suddenly was on her knee.

"Hey, no funny business, Quil!" Bella called out and slapped his hand away. "You better be careful. I know how to defend myself!" Her voice slurred even more and the alcohol made her feel really brave and a lot stronger, too.

"Oh, really. I'd like to see you try," Quil responded. His voice dropped a notch and his hand inched a little higher on her thigh. He stuck his nose in her neck and sniffed at her.

Bella laughed again. _God, she was so tipsy_.

"Take your hands off her, Ateara." Embry eyed his friend with concern. He wasn't sure if Bella really wanted Quil that close, but he was damn sure that Jake would be fucking pissed, if he knew Quil was hitting on Bella Swan.

Quil ignored Embry and only laughed, when Bella shoved against his chest and tried to push him away. "So... Swan... What's that with defending yourself?"

Bella lifted her finger, calling for Quil's attention. "Let me show you!" she said. "Get up!" She rose, almost losing her balance, but caught herself before she could fall. "Grab me," she challenged Quil while shrugging out of her thick parka and gloves.

Quil didn't wait long and put his hands on her shoulders.

With a quick motion, Bella brought her arms up and pushed his hands off her shoulders. Quil was much quicker though, and his hands closed around her wrists in an instant. He spun her around, pressing her back against his chest. "Gotcha," he growled into her ear. Now that was a game a wolf really enjoyed.

Pressed against his broad chest, Bella tried to fight him off, but it was a huge difference in fighting a werewolf than in fighting her self-defense instructor. Quil held her in place so effortless, and she felt the influence of the alcohol in her head. It also slowed down her thinking and her reflexes to a minimum. Giving up wasn't in Bella's book, though. After all, she had taken those self-defense lessons for a reason...

In the next moment, Bella stomped down onto Quil's foot as hard as she could. He yelled out more in surprise than pain, but Bella used the moment to her advantage nevertheless. She slipped a leg between his legs, hooking her foot around his ankle, and let herself fall into him. Trying to catch her, he loosened his grip, and again Bella took him by surprise. She ripped her arms free and rammed her elbow into his stomach. _Ouch, that hurt!_

Quil let go with a shout and jumped back, staring at her in disbelief. "Damn, girl. That was hot!" He grunted and rubbed his stomach.

"I warned you..." Bella said laughing. She bobbed and weaved before him, but suddenly was stopped by a solid, warm wall. She twirled around her axis, squeaking and jumping in surprise, when she saw the large outline of a tall man looming over her. It scared the crap out of her.

Still in defense mode, her knee went up out of reflex, aiming for the man's groin, but before she was able to make contact, a hand reached out. A huge hand. A familiar hand. It closed around her knee with a firm grip. "Don't you dare," a deep, husky voice said. A voice she hadn't heard for so long and that she had missed so much.

Bella squeaked again, helplessly hopping on her other leg, trying to keep her balance. Being drunk made that really, really difficult. She knew she was going to embarrass herself big time now.

She looked up in surrender, finally meeting the eyes she had been dreaming of for so long. "Jake!"

Everything around her faded into the background, the sound of the waves, the howling laughter of Quil and Embry, even the sound of her frantically beating heart. Then he released his grip on her knee. With an awkward 'uff' she fell and landed on her ass, still staring up into those black annoyed eyes.

"What the FUCK is going on here?" Jacob shouted at his friends. "What the fuck are you doing down here?"

Quil and Embry fell into a new fit of laughter as they looked at one pissed off Jacob Black. "Bella was trying to teach us a lesson," Embry choked out, howling with laughter, wiping tears off his face.

"Man, she almost kicked you in the nuts, Jake," Quil bellowed, pointing at Bella, who was still sprawled out in the sand from her fall.

"Let me ask you for one last time," Jacob growled, which made Quil and Embry shut up and freeze. Suddenly, they looked really uncomfortable under their Alpha's gaze. Jacob asked again, "What is going on here?"

Before Quil and Embry could come up with a declaration, she decided to step in and exclaimed, rising her chin stubbornly, "I asked them to join me if you don't mind."

"And what the hell are you doing down here this late, Bella?" Jacob angrily stared at her.

"I needed to get away, okay?" Bella said defensively and got up awkwardly. "Is that so hard to understand after what I found out today? What I... what I had to witness today?" Her voice became much lower as she remembered the reasons why she came here. "I thought today seems to be a perfect time to have a little party," she slurred out a little, feeling the effect of the alcohol more clearly now.

"A party?" Jacob's gaze moved from her to Quil and Embry to the empty cans of beer and finally to the half-empty bottle of whiskey. "Unbelievable," Jacob exclaimed irritated. "And what might you be celebrating?"

"I thought I could be congratulating you." Her voice didn't sound like her own anymore. She was totally overwhelmed with the situation, and the pain in her chest almost choked her.

"Oh, shit..." either Quil or Embry whispered, but Bella ignored it.

She turned around and walked over to where the bottle was standing, lifting it to her lips. "Here's to you. May you live a long and have a happy life." She tried to take a sip, but Jake very quickly took the bottle away from her. She looked at him totally stunned. "What the hell, Jake," she called out. _Dammit, she needed to forget and make the pain go away._

"No more, Bella," Jacob growled, looking deep into her eyes. "You stay right there. We need to talk."

"Leave us alone," Jake said in a deep, frightening voice towards his friends, all the while never taking his eyes off Bella. "And take that shit with you!"

Quil and Embry took off in a hurry, but not before collecting the empty beer cans and the whisky bottle. They better got out of here quickly, since their Alpha was pissed. No wolf wanted to be near him when he was like _that._ All the fun was gone now anyway, and it was about damn time that Jacob

got his chance to say his mind to the little leech lover.

Bella shivered, and her heart skipped a few beats. The blood pounded in her ears. _Crap!_ Why did she come here? Could a situation be more embarrassing? Anxiously, she shifted from one foot to the other, wishing for the ground to just open and swallow her.

"You need to get out of the cold. In case you didn't notice, you're hypothermic." Jacob stepped closer to her, worriedly inspecting her. "My house is right up there," he said, nodding towards the dark outline of a house sitting atop a little hill.

Bella gasped. "You mean we were practically in your back-yard the whole time?" How much more could she possibly embarrass herself today? _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._ She internally berated herself and started to retreat while holding her hands out in front of her. _As if that could hold him back anyway._

"No way I'm letting you leave right now, Bella. So don't even try," he said while towering over her. "You're in no condition to drive a car," he said sternly. "Come on." He picked up her parka from the ground. In a caring gesture, he shook the sand out and held it out for her to slip in. "Where's your truck?"

"Somewhere... down there," she murmured and slipped in her parka, her entire body shaking now. Only part of it was due to the cold.

Jacob followed her gaze and discovered her truck parked at the roadside right under a 'No Parking' sign. He rolled his eyes, and wordlessly handed her the gloves. Then he took her tiny hand firmly into his huge hand and dragged her into the opposite direction from her truck, up the path that led to his house.

His heat instantly crept up from their connected hands through her body. She hadn't recognized how much she was freezing. The heat settled in her stomach. The butterflies coming with it, almost brought her down to her knees. This simple gesture was what she was longing for and had missed so much. It also felt a little strange too after so long.

They walked silently for a while, until she noticed they were indeed walking toward his house. She tugged on his arm, trying to stop him to advance any further. "We can't...we can't... go to your house... I... I don't want to interrupt your... your..." Bella said panicking.

"You're my friend and my friends are always welcome at my home," Jacob replied in a reserved voice.

"Your friend?" Bella echoed, her voice barely more than a whisper.

"Yes," Jacob confirmed, pulling her firmly forward.

.

~*~o~*~o~*~

.

It didn't take them long to reach his house. As he fumbled around with his keys he realized he was still irritated. He'd gone down to Forks to see her and she'd been here, in front of his door step, all the fucking time, getting drunk?

Seeing Bella so distraught, he wondered if he should start this conversation by telling her that he and Leah were not in any kind of relationship, never really were. Ever since the day Leah told him about her pregnancy he hadn't touched her anymore, he simply couldn't. Leah also re-kindled her relationship with Sam, ever since she went into heat. He would, however, always care for her and his son. If Bella could accept Yuma, nothing would stand in the way-

NO! He wouldn't be so stupid again and hand her his heart on a silver platter, just because he couldn't stand to see her sad. As long as he didn't know everything about her, he wouldn't tell her anything about him.

Bella reached out and touched his arm. "What if Leah comes home?" she asked. Her voice was shaking and she looked as if she would rather elsewhere than here.

Jacob shrugged. "Don't worry." His voice was gruff. He unlocked the front door, miffed about her reluctance, and invited her in. She looked so nervous, biting her lower lip, when she fiddled with the zipper of her parka, never taking his eyes off him. He reached out, taking the parka she handed to him, and hung it up.

He noticed that she didn't stop watching him. In fact, he could almost _feel_ her eyes raking over his body. She was admiring him... and that was really intriguing to say the least. _Focus!_ He needed to focus on the task that lay before him. Before he'd go even one step farther, let alone let her know anything about _his_ life, they were going to talk about _hers_. She owed him some damn answers - not the other way around.

He walked into the living room, quickly removing the remote control and a worn shirt from his sofa. "Sit," he said, pointing to his worn-out leather sofa.

Bella raised an eyebrow. At Billy's, she'd simply have kicked her boots off and be done with it, but here? She felt so insecure; in fact she shouldn't be here... Not knowing what to do, she left her shoes on and followed Jake into his home, sitting down on his sofa like he told her to do. Her eyes anxiously flitted through the room, taking everything in. She nervously wrung her hands in her lap and shifted her booted feet. Her brain was a mess. How was she going to begin this conversation they needed to have?

Jacob watched her closely, sensing her discomfort very clearly. Nevertheless, it felt nice having her here... _in his territory._He knew she would recognize Yuma's blanket on the table and the photo on the wall that portrayed him holding his naked son in his arms. A classic 'proud daddy' picture, a little cheesy maybe...

He cleared his throat, pulling her attention back to him. She'd have to deal with it. "I am going to get you some strong coffee," he told her. He wanted to make sure the alcohol she had consumed didn't affect her senses too much, and he wanted her to feel comfortable around him. Talking would be much easier then.

"Yes, sure," she answered and ran her hands through her hair.

Jacob went into the kitchen. He felt tense, couldn't deny he was a little anxious, too. He rolled his shoulders and kicked his boots from his feet.

Then he poured water into the coffee maker. "Bella, tell me-" he started, but was cut off when he felt her in his close proximity. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. Her strawberry scent, a little spicy now from the Jack Daniels she consumed, filled his every pore.

Jacob turned around and there she was, again looking at him like _that,_standing in his kitchen, leaning against his counter, running her fingers over the rim of the coffee cup he'd used this morning... He was hard in an instant. Jacob shook his head, again reminding himself to stay focused.

Her eyes were hooded, her cheeks flushed. Her face looked so different, but yet so familiar at the same time. She had filled out so nicely. _God_, he wanted to explore those sexy curves that were hidden under her clothes. She was more beautiful than ever, but he also noticed that she didn't look as if life had been that easy for her. There was this constant sad shimmer in her eyes. He wanted to know about her, about her life. What had happened to her? Why did she break up with the bloodsucker and why the hell hadn't she told him?

Only the bubbling sounds of the coffee maker filled the kitchen as they looked at each other, not knowing how to begin. Bella nervously chewed on her lower lip, watching Jake impatiently tap his fingers on the counter. Finally, the coffee was ready and Jacob filled two mugs with the hot, black liquid, handing her a mug and taking one for himself.

Slowly, she sipped, loving the feel of the coffee running down her throat. The coffee had the sobering effect on Bella that Jacob wanted, but it also cleared up her head enough to be aware of the inappropriate situation she was in. She didn't belong here. It was his home. The home he most likely shared with Leah and his son. She had seen the pictures on his wall, seen the stack of diapers on a chest, and there were clothes of Leah hanging over that chair opposite her. She recognized it all, and it hurt. If she had made the right decision two and a half years ago, maybe she would be living her with him and the baby would be hers...

It wasn't wise to come here, but it was a little late for that right now. She had to live with the consequences.

Bella swallowed down her rising tears. At least, Jacob still considered her his friend, which was already more than she was hoping for. She needed to be ready for their talk to start. But she could not stop looking at him and wishing they had a real chance with each other. She felt so drawn to him; his presence fogged her mind completely. He made her feel so much right now and her heart felt so heavy.

But there was something else too, she wanted him, she wanted to touch him and be touched in all the places she had dreamt of him touching her. She felt heat rising up to her head and way down to her core; she was burning with need for him. How could she want him so badly right now?

He was not hers... She could not stop... He was not hers... She did not care. Her body's reaction to him stunned her and she was going to let go, for once in her life she wanted to let it all go. Did he feel her inner turmoil? Did he notice her desire for him?

Jacob watched her every move as she drank her coffee in steady sips. He wanted her sober. He needed her to be fully aware of this conversation they were going to have.

His wolf growled excitedly when she tipped her head back to drown the rest of her coffee, exposing her slender neck to him. Her eyes were closed, a raspy noise escaped her throat, and Jacob couldn't stop himself from stepping closer to her.

He set his mug down the same moment she put hers down. Her breath caught in her throat as she found him standing only inches away from her.

Jacob noticed how her breath became shallow and how her heart rate picked up.

"Jake," she whispered and her tongue slipped out, wetting her lips.

He groaned out loud. _Fuck!_ She was so tempting... Answers... the talk... It must wait. He would insist on answers later. He had waited all of his life - or so it seemed - to see her look at him like _that._He wasn't going to let this go.

"I missed you so much," she breathed, biting her lip, and suddenly her arms were around his waist and she pressed herself against his body.

He knew that she felt his heart beating frantically, matching her own now. Her face was buried in his chest, and he noticed she was breathing in his scent, like her life was depending on it. _God, yeah. Breathe me in, Bells._

He was shaking slightly from the emotions flooding through his entire system. She felt so perfect; he never wanted to let her go again. He always knew that she belonged right there.

Time simply stood completely still. There was only them; right here and right now; nothing else even mattered in that moment. All the love and all the longing for each other completely took over them both.

She felt his strong arms come around her, first very slowly and then he embraced her fiercely, almost crushing her in his hug. She closed her eyes and wished they never had to move for the rest of their lives. This felt so right, this felt like where she belonged all along.

His scent was overwhelming, warm and earthy, making her dizzy with desire. _Did he always smell that good?_ Slowly Bella raised her head looking at him with pleading eyes. "Jake," she whispered. She wanted him to kiss her. Hell, she wanted to kiss him, wanted to know what he tasted like. _Would he taste as good as he smelled?_

Bella let her instincts take over. She had been holding back for so long. She simply wanted to let herself just feel. She wanted to know what it was like to be touched in all the places she had never been touched before, and she was wanted to be touched by Jake.

Opening her eyes, Bella studied his features and gasped at what she saw. His eyes were deep black and on fire. His gaze was fierce and intense, igniting sparks, which shot right through her body like lightening spears, only to race down to the pit of her stomach, and finally settling at her core, burning with need for him. A need so strong, she never knew it could be possible.

He was captured by her eyes. He felt something was different. Bella melted into him just like he had been dreaming of for the last several years. His eyes drank in her entire face, his eyes finally halting at her full lips.

He wasn't going to think about the heartache she'd caused him. There was nothing in this whole fucking world that could stop him now from kissing her. Lowering his face down to hers, he saw such desire in her eyes, it made him forget any reason.

He had dreamt of her so often, only to wake up to the same pain in his heart. How many fucking times had he been afraid to lose his mind over her? Too many times to count. The dream always the same, she was yelling his name while he was pounding himself into her, only to wake up panting, sweating, and ejaculating into his sheets. He had had enough.

Jacob crushed his mouth to hers with fervor.

He was losing every reason he thought he possessed. He didn't care anymore. He simply must have her, and he would have her. She owed it to him. He knew they needed to talk, but what the fuck, that could wait.

Her lips opened compliantly, gasping at the pleasant feeling of his slick tongue as it entered her. He deepened the kiss even further, as if trying to swallow her up completely, as their tongues explored every corner, every bump, and every tooth in each other's mouth.

She arched into him, her arms wrapping around his shoulders, her hands clutching and gripping him tightly. Her body was no longer her own; it belonged to Jake. The fierce pull toward him left her surrendering her body and soul to him willingly. She did not know what came over her, but she wanted this...him more than life itself.

He started to caress her lower back, and then moved his hands up her arms and shoulders, leaving goose bumps in its wake. He needed to feel her flesh so badly; it bordered on desperation. Roughly and impatiently, Jacob pulled on her sweater. It had to go. Now!

Bella lifted her arms and he ripped the sweater off her, carelessly flinging it across the room. He pulled the straps of her bra down and opened the clasp with a flick of his fingers.

His eyes took her in and his mouth felt suddenly dry. She was so beautiful. Her breasts were perfect; her rosy nipples hardening right before his eyes. He cupped his hand over her firm breast gently, exploring the feel of it. He teased her hard nipple, enjoying the sweet sound escaping her throat.

Like a starving man, Jacob wrapped his arms around her once again, holding on to her in fierce need. Then his hands started to wander. He had to touch her, the need to feel her skin was overwhelming.

He explored the dip of her waist and the soft rounding of her belly. His dreams did not even come close to this - so sweet and so soft, and God he was mesmerized the way his dark hands looked on her fair skin.

Leaning down, he let his lips linger over her mouth, a second only, but it was long enough for her to look up at him pleadingly. He licked over her lips, then trailed little pecks along her chin until he reached the side of her neck, kissing the delicate skin where her pulse was beating so fast... so very fast. He lingered there for a moment, marveling over the delirious taste of her skin, before moving his lips up again, kissing and licking her neck, making his way up to her collar bone, never stopping his tender kisses and small bites.

With every flick and lick, her scent got stronger, disclosing her arousal, that was saturating the air. He could get high on her scent alone, and her erratic breathing took him to the edge of any reason.

"Bells," he growled. "I need you so much!"

.

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**A/N: OK, we hear you! Yes, we just had to stop right there! **

_***snickers*.**_

_**We were debating **_**long **_**and hard to post the whole chapter but it was waaaaay too large. Therefore, remember, all good things come to those who can wait, and it will be good. Nic will have the pleasure of posting the next chapter and trust me, you will 'hear' her when she does post. LOL!**_

_**Thank you for reading, we appreciate and love you all!**_

_**Hugs, Nic & JB**_


	10. Skin

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N:** **Here you go, lovelies. Sorry it took us a little longer to get this chapter out. Playing with Jake was just too tempting. ;-) Be prepared, girls... you'll probably need fresh panties after reading this. **

**We're damn sure our awesome** **betas JUL5857 and SueMe very much enjoyed beta'ing this chapter for us.** **HUGS, dolls!**

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**Hostage of Love **

**Chapter 9**

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_**Skin**_

_**.**_

_**No teasin,**_

_**You waited long enough.**_

_**Go deep,**_

_**Imma throw it at ya,**_

_**Can't catch it.**_

_**Don't hold back,**_

_**You know I like it rough.**_

_**Know I'm feelin ya, huh.**_

_**Know you liking it, huh.**_

_**So why you standing over there with ya clothes on,**_

_**Baby strip down for me,**_

_**Go on take em off.**_

_**Don't worry baby,**_

_**Imma meet you half way,**_

_**Cause I know you wanna see me.**_

_Rihanna: Skin _

_._

_Like a starving man, Jacob wrapped his arms around her once again, holding on to her in fierce need. Then his hands started to wander. He had to touch her, the need to feel her skin was overwhelming._

_He explored the dip of her waist and her smooth belly. His dreams did not even come close to this - so sweet and so soft, and God he was mesmerized the way his dark hands looked on her fair skin._

_Leaning down, he let his lips linger over her mouth, a second only, but it was long enough for her to look up at him pleadingly. He licked over her lips, then trailed little pecks along her chin until he reached the side of her neck, kissing the delicate skin where her pulse was beating so fast... so very fast. He lingered there for a moment, marveling over the delirious taste of her skin, before moving his lips up again, kissing and licking her neck, making his way up to her collar bone, never stopping his tender kisses and small bites._

_With every flick and lick, her scent got stronger, disclosing her arousal that was saturating the air. He could get high on her scent alone, and her erratic breathing took him to the edge of any reason. _

"_Bells," he growled. "I need you so much!"_

_._

_oOo_

_._

_[scene taken out due to graphic content. Find the entire chapter on Tricky Raven]_

For a moment it was completely still, nothing to be heard than their erratic breathing.

Bella wiggled under him, laden down by his weight, letting him know he was squishing her.

He laughed and turned to the side, pulling her with him. "Sorry, Bells."

Her fingers played with a strand of his hair; she smiled up to him in pure bliss, unable to form any coherent words yet. "That was..."

[...]

"That good, huh?" he asked, grinning at her mischievously.

Bella looped her arm around his neck and pressed her lips to his mouth. Her tongue snaked out and she licked over his full lips. "That good," she agreed. "Was it good for you, too?" she wanted to know in the sweetest tone.

"Indescribable, Bells."

_[…You know what this means by now… that this chapter doesn't make sense anymore without all the deleted content…but oh well…you know where to find the entire chapter…]_

"Jake, I... I..." Bella said into his chest, her voice slightly cracking with her overwhelming emotions.

"I know, Bells,... I know..." Jacob answered, cradling her head in his hands and pressing her tightly to his chest. "Tomorrow," he spoke softly, "...will be a big day for us. We have lots to talk about. It is time that you come clean with me, and I also need to share so much with you."

He noticed how her heart started to flutter nervously, and he was fast to calm her down. "Shh, Bells... We'll work things out. Somehow... I really need you in my life."

She nodded and closed her eyes, too worn out to keep them open anymore.

As she fell asleep in his arms, he felt content, but at the same time he was on edge. He couldn't explain to himself why that was. It was like that eerie quiet feeling before the 'big one' hits.

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	11. Here comes goodbye  Painful Decisions

**Disclaimer:****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A Huge Thank You to our wonderful and awesome** **betas JUL5857 and SueMe, we appreciate you guys very much!**

**CHAPTER WARNING: Extreme Angst and Drama. We would also like to remind all of you to have another read at our Preface, it is going to get lot worse before it can get better. Read with an open heart and don't judge (us, Jake, Leah or Bella) just by what you are reading.  
**

**Thank you for trusting us and reading the next phase of our tale.**

**P.S. I want to thank each and every one of you that responded on the last chapter. In case I didn't answer your review I'm sorry. I'm not sure if I responded to all of your reviews. I got confused when I had to go offline suddenly due to reallife matters... If you want me to answer any questions that come up with this or previous chapter(s), please send me a private message. THX Nic**

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**Hostage of Love  
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**Chapter 10**

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**Here Comes Goodbye**** - Painful Decisions**

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_If I could have just one wish,_

_I would wish to wake up everyday_

_to the sound of your breath on my neck,_

_the warmth of your lips on my cheek,_

_the touch of your fingers on my skin,_

_and the feel of your heart beating with mine..._

_Knowing that I could never find that feeling_

_with anyone other than you._

_- Courtney Kuchta –_

_._

_.  
_

Drifting in and out of sleep, he marveled at the woman lying next to him. She was so beautiful to look at in the pale moonlight. Her skin had a faint glow; her dark, tangled hair was splayed out all over the pillow, her breathing slow and deep with a faint smile around the corner of her mouth.

He would jerk awake whenever he fell asleep. He was anxious, that strange eerie feeling still looming over him, and there was a certain nervousness that Bella might simply disappear again if he allowed himself to fall into a deep sleep.

Her reaction to him had been intense. He had been right all along, they belonged together. They were made for each other. How could she ever deny that? He touched her cheek ever so lightly, wondering what she was going to tell him in the morning when they finally had their talk. He would try to listen with an open mind; he was going to do his darndest to put aside his hurt feelings and let her finish saying whatever she had to say.

As the nagging feeling in his stomach didn't go away, Jacob was tempted to simply wake her up, but then he thought to better let her sleep, he wanted her to get her well-deserved rest and have a clear mind in the morning. He had worked her hard after all, her body must be exhausted.

He placed a light kiss on her shoulder and aligned his body flush with hers. She pressed against him, seeking his warmth, murmuring his name in her sleep. "That's right baby, come closer," he softly whispered with a content smile on his face.

Wrapped around Bella, he closed his eyes again and allowed himself to at least drift into a slight slumber, but sleep really wouldn't come. Instead his thoughts travelled through the past couple of years.

There was a lot he was proud of, so much he had accomplished. After finishing high school, he took all his Real Estate Licensing Courses mainly online but also attended several in-class instructions, until he was ready to take the exam. He had passed his state exam and remembered how proud he felt about this accomplishment to become a licensed Real Estate Broker in the state of Washington. Sitting through hours upon hours of learning the real estate laws wasn't his strongest feat, but he kept in mind that this job would feed Yuma and Leah, too, if she would be willing to take his money. Now he was successfully working for Lunsford & Associates Inc, a local real estate company.

He had only started working there a couple of months ago, but he had already closed his first few deals when Carlisle Cullen assigned his company to sell the Cullen mansion. His boss had assigned him as the Selling Agent and Jake took this account with pleasure. It took him less than 3 weeks to locate a buyer from Seattle. This young family would be living here on weekends and during the summer. The big fat commission he had received was a true pleasure in more than one way.

He was finally able to buy his truck, fully loaded and it fit him to a tee. In addition, he had put money aside for Yuma's 'college' fund. But the most pleasure he got out of the knowledge that the Cullens were gone for good. The party that followed the day when the owners of the new house signed the papers clearly was one to remember.

He also held down a part time job as a construction worker down at Makah and then, of course, there was his pack! He was working hard to be a good Alpha to them.

The months after Bella left without even contacting her parents had been hell, and he had driven his dad and his pack brothers nuts with his piss-poor attitude and violent temper. Every day seemed to be the same; he would not lighten up or let anyone get even remotely close to him.

Leah had been his savior, in more than one way. Without her he would have not lived through that one night, that fateful night, when Bells married the fucking leech. Leah had worked very hard to keep him sane ever since.

Their sexual relationship was gratifying for the both of them, but for outsiders it must have looked strange. They never really dated, never went to a restaurant for a dinner and never went to the movies. It wasn't what they wanted from each other.

He was able to express all of his frustrations; sexual or otherwise with Leah. She had welcomed it. She had welcomed all of it. His temper, his roughness, his screaming out for Bella when he came hard inside of her. Leah simply told him over and over again to let it all out.

In return, he'd been there for her when memories of Sam gave her a hard time. It had happened once in a while that she pretended to be with Sam when he fucked her. It was strange when she called out for Sam in the throes of passion, but... Oh well! It was mutual.

He had to smile a little now as he remembered one particular phrase, Leah had repeated often. "Fuck that leech lover out of your system already, Black." He had tried, oh he tried so hard. If only...

Jacob looked at 'his' sleeping Bells again and his heart swelled. He still felt so much love for this girl. "I will never let you go again," he swore under his breath. His wolf grunted in agreement.

Thinking back to Leah, he admitted that their 'booty calls' had worked for both of them while they lasted. He knew he would be in a very bad place right now if she had not encouraged him consistently to purge himself from all the anger and resentment he felt at the time. Yeah, I owe Leah so much, he thought again.

When Leah started to go into 'heat' his wolf went crazy for her. He had fucked Leah non-stop for several days and nights, even before Sam got his paws onto her.

Yuma could have been Sam's if Sam hadn't fought the urge to mate with Leah for so long. He had tried to stay away from the she-wolf, but in the end he simply couldn't ignore her "call" anymore. As a side effect of the encounter, once Sam had been with Leah, the imprint bond to Emily lessened, and for the remainder of that mating week, Jacob and Sam sort of shared Leah.

It always had been obvious to Jacob what was going on with both of them. Leah's eyes shone with love after Sam left her house. There was no point in her even trying to hide it.

Jake backed off and it was alright for him. He deeply cared about her well-being, but he was never in love with her. He knew that Sam and Leah belonged together and finally there was a real chance for both of them to make a life.

Emily left as soon as she found out what was going on. After all, nothing could really stay a secret within the pack. She didn't even try and put up a fight for Sam, saying she couldn't feel the imprint pull anymore, that she sort of fell out of love, and that she never wanted to take away Sam from her cousin in the first place. It was all to blame on the imprint 'magic'. Sam's wolf, on the other hand, didn't want to let her go that easily, but Sam - his human side - knew that he still loved Leah, that he still was in love with her. So with his wolf side and his human side battling for dominance, Sam had some struggles initially, until he finally was able to completely break his imprint to Emily.

When Leah found out that she was pregnant, she couldn't stop crying for days. At first, Jacob and Sam thought she was mad at them, but she simply was overwhelmed that she was able to get pregnant at all. She was so happy about the baby growing inside of her; it brought out a totally new side of her personality. Jacob and Sam watched her closely, and they could not believe how soft and sensitive she had become.

If there was ever any confusion about whether Sam or Jacob would be the father of Leah's unborn child, for Jacob there was never any doubt that Yuma was his son. He instinctively knew that he had impregnated Leah, he was absolutely sure that it had happened within the first couple of hours of their "mating". His wolf was stronger and more dominant than Sam's.

Jacob's cheeks flared up in embarrassment as he recalled those days, and he nuzzled his face into Bella's hair, inhaling her sweet, strawberry scent.

He remembered how he'd just not been quite his usual self - he had been more wolf than human. For his wolf, mating with Leah had been an imperative. He could not and would not even try to stop his urges. He was adamant that nothing and no one came between him and Leah's wolf. As awkward as it was for Jacob to admit that to himself… Sam didn't stand a chance, not when Jacob's wolf was involved.

Once Yuma was born, it was pretty obvious whose kid he was, because Yuma looked like his spitting image and everyone could see that he was Jacob's son alright. Of course, Jacob's father and the council had made a big deal out of Yuma's birth, knowing that Yuma being the rightful heir, their future Alpha and Chief. The celebrations went on for 7 days.

Jacob was so proud of his son, but he also simply looked at him just as his son, his beautiful son. It wasn't what neither Jacob nor Leah would ever want for their son, but neither could change anything about it. They had never truly embraced their shape shifter heritage themselves and now the Tribal Council looked at their son with the knowledge, hope and with pride that he is their next Alpha! For now, they let them be to simply raise their son.

Jacob let out a breath he'd been holding. _Why wouldn't that funny feeling in his stomach go away?_

Bella stirred and groggily reached behind, touching his face. "Jake?" Worry laced within her tired voice.

"Shhh, it's okay, honey. Sleep..." Jacob murmured, placing a gentle kiss on her temple.

Her breath evened out as soon as she heard his soothing voice, and soon she was back in a deep sleep. His mind left him with no peace, and his thoughts went back once more as he remembered how Sam and Leah were working on their relationship for almost a year now. Jacob remembered the times when Sam was in physical pain, but the love he felt for Leah was so much stronger, it made him pull through it and it was true love for both of them. Together they seemed to be going strong, and Jake was happy for both of them. He knew now how deep their love was for each other.

Then there was Yuma! His son. He never thought he would be capable to take care of him initially, either financially nor emotionally, but he fought so hard to provide for him. The day Yuma was born changed everything in his life. He had felt so much love for him in an instance. He would do whatever it takes to do right by him, he would always provide for whatever Yuma needed.

Jake knew that Sam loved Yuma as well, and he would be his step-father in a few months from now. He thought back on the several conversations he had with Sam, and they had reached a mutual understanding. Jake would always be Yuma's father, he would be teaching him what he needed to know to grow into a strong and good man but he also would respect Sam taking care of him as well. His son will be spoiled, and that was alright.

His thoughts traveled back to the beautiful girl in his arms. Why didn't she listen to him back then? When he told her Cullen wasn't the right choice? It would have saved both of them a lot of heartache, he thought with fervor. He loved her for so long now, and he uncertain as to how his life was supposed to continue now. He only knew that he would not be able to ever let her go again. Would she be able to accept Yuma as his son?

.

.oOo.

.

He finally fell into a restless sleep against all efforts to stay awake. He didn't hear the approaching car. Only when Leah opened the front door with a bang and stormed in, he woke with a startle. "Jake, are you there?" she called out, and he heard Yuma wail quietly.

"God, the whole house reeks like sex..." he heard her burst out and Jake sat up, a little dazed from his sleep.

Bella still slept soundly. She was very certainly exhausted. He didn't let her get too much sleep last night.

"Jake, get your ass out here! What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Leah hissed angrily, giving a short, sharp knock against the bedroom door.

Jacob got up hurriedly and slipped into a pair of boxers. "Stop screaming like a hell-cat," he said through the door. "What are you doing here this early in the morning anyway?" He glanced at his watch. It read only 5:10 am. _What the hell?_

He stepped out into the hallway, meeting an infuriated Leah. He glanced worriedly at Yuma, and noticed right away that he was not looking too happy. His face was red from wailing.

"Shit, Jake! I didn't think you'd be all over her ass AGAIN." Leah fumed with anger. Her voice echoed through the house at a pitch that hurt his ears. "Did you not learn anything at all yet? If I had known you'd..." The baby in her arms fussed and whimpered.

"Shut up, Leah" Jacob growled.

"The hell I'm not!" she snapped. "You sure have some nerves! You must need some more of her shit, is that it?" Leah was screaming now, holding the baby protectively to her chest. "Is that really it, Jacob Black?"

"Leah, just calm down. It's not what you think it is..." he explained in a low voice. "Here, let me hold Yuma. What is wrong with him? Does he not feel well?"

"I got him!" she sneered at him, her eyes shooting daggers. "It's not what I think it is? You think I'm stupid? I can smell what the hell it is!" Her eyes wandered over his body, the sneer never leaving her face. "Why don't you wash her stink off you before you touch Yuma?" she hissed. "We can't even stay in this house right now. It smells disgusting. Do you really think I will expose our son to your indiscretions?"

Jake sighed and cast his eyes toward the bedroom door. He heard Bella move in his bed, and silently prayed that she would just sleep through the argument he had with Leah.

Leah walked over to the door and, with concern laced in her voice, announced, "Yuma has not been feeling well all night. I'm taking him to the Clinic."

"I'm coming with you, Leah," Jake announced. He had promised Leah to be there for her and Yuma, and right now it seemed to be a moment where she needed him, or else she wouldn't have come here before dawn anyway. He also knew that Sam had to go into Seattle two days before on business.

"Damn" he cursed, Bella was sleeping in his bed, and they hadn't even started to talk. He rubbed his hands over his face in distress. "Leah, come on, honey. Don't freak out. It'll be fine." He wrapped his arms around her, encasing both of them and lovingly kissed his son on the forehead.

Leah flinched and wrinkled her nose, before stepping away from him.

He let his hands drop to his side. "Aw, don't be like this. I'm gonna take a shower, right now. Just sit down with Yuma. I'll be done in a few minutes."

Yuma started to cry in earnest now. His little face was flushed, those tiny hands balled up and flailing about. Leah tried to shush him. She cradled him and hummed a soft song to him. Jake watched her for a moment and felt a little relieved when Yuma reacted to her soft voice.

"Jake," Leah said once she caught his eye, displaying a worried expression on her face. "I fought too hard to keep you sane. You know how much I worry about you. It took a lot out of me, too. Do I need to remind you how long it took for you to get on with your life again? You know damn well that Yuma needs you. You better get that head of yours out of your ass, and fast."

Jacob clearly heard Bella shuffle around now, and became more anxious than he had felt in a very long time. He knew Leah would notice his panicked and worried expression when he stole a panicked look towards his bedroom, praying that Bella would find back to sleep and stay behind that door.

Leah sighed annoyed, watching his internal struggle. He knew she could read him like an open book. She knew him too well; he couldn't hide anything from her. The love he felt for Bella was right there on display on his face and in his eyes. His body, turned towards the door, straining to get to Bella, would tell her everything she needed to know. Leah had this talent to look right through him as it is.

"Oh Fuck," Leah muttered at the same time he became aware what his body language must have told her, that he would do anything to keep Bella around now. She sounded pissed, but he ignored her as his concern and worry was solely about clarifying this strange situation to Bella and soon.

He hoped that Bella would be able to understand, once they get a chance to talk things out.

But then, Yuma wailed again, pulling him right into the other direction. Yuma had to be his priority. He needed protection and his parents to take care of him. He sure was not feeling too well. Jacob had to make sure that he got to see the Pediatrician right away.

His hands flew up in his hair, tugging it hard in frustration. He understood that the nagging feeling in his stomach he'd experienced earlier had been a warning for the things to come. It was too late now. If only he had talked to Bella after their love making instead of letting her sleep, he wouldn't be in this mess.

Jacob rubbed his face. He wanted Bella to simply wait in his bedroom until he returned from the clinic. If things only were that easy. He realized that he had maneuvered himself into a precarious situation, and the realization brought his blood pressure to new heights. Shit! How could he have been so careless and naive?

Leah sat down with a huff, and brought the baby to her breast, hoping Yuma would fall asleep while feeding.

Jacob took another careful look at the bedroom door. It seemed quiet again, he couldn't hear Bella moving around anymore, only her erratic breathing was pretty damn obvious.

Quickly, he walked over to Leah and Yuma, who was falling asleep, and crouched down before them, taking one of her hands between his. "Look, Leah," he pleaded, "I know you are worried about me, but please trust me right now, I need you to just shut up for a few minutes, okay? I'll be back as soon as I can." He placed a kiss onto the top of her head, and froze when his bedroom door opened and he heard Bella's sharp intake of breath.

_FUCK!_

His heart pounded in his chest. _No, no! Oh, please, no!_He felt the panic creep up from deep within his chest. He had to diffuse the situation before it got out of hand, before Bella would read more into it then it was, but his head was empty. He noticed Leah's staring towards the bedroom door and he knew. He knew he screwed it all up, he knew this was much worse than anything else, ever!

"Bella," he said and then stammered, "It's not what you think it is..."

"It's exactly what I think it is Jacob," Bella answered monotonously, holding his bed sheet bunched up protectively before her chest. "You only said the very same to _her _only a couple of moments ago. It seems you suck at excuses. You should consider expanding your vocabulary..."

Jake stood up, lifting his hands in a placating gesture. "Let me explain, Bella. Please..."

"There's nothing to explain, Jake." Bella stepped through the door and stalked through the hallway on heavy legs, aiming for the front door, dressed in only her jeans, boots and the bed sheet.

"It was a mistake anyway..." Bella said, and his heart dropped to the ground.

"Yeah, that's right, Bella!" Leah hissed quietly and shot her a disgusted glance. "A fucking big mistake... You don't belong here anymore."

Bella scanned the floor with her eyes, ignoring Leah's snide remark, but Jacob saw her wince and he could see her distress.

Leah bent down and pulled something out from under the couch. "You wouldn't be looking for this, would you? Leah asked smiling.

His head started to pound like crazy now when he saw Bella's shirt and bra dangle from Leah's outstretched hand. "Leah!" he said in warning.

Bella brushed past him and snatched her clothes, mortification written all over her face. Then she stormed towards the front door and ripped it open. A gust of cold wind flooded the hallway.

"Bella, please..." Jacob crossed the space between them and grabbed her arm, trying to stop her from leaving. "I wanted to tell you..." It came out wrong. So wrong. "Please..."

"Don't touch me," Bella yelled at him and slapped his hand away. "There's no need to explain yourself, Jacob. Everything pretty much explained itself." A sob slipped past her lips as she took her parka from the peg. She rushed out the door and hurried down the driveway pulling her parka on in a hurry. She simply let the bed sheet flutter to the ground, soaking up with muddy water.

"Bella, stay!" he yelled after her, violent tremors rocking his body as he felt the familiar fury creep up in him.

"Jake," Leah said, suddenly right behind him, placing her hand on his back.

He shook her off. "Get away from me!" he grunted. It wasn't safe to be around him right now. He was vibrating with anger. Watching Bella run away from him, hearing his son scream in agony now... Everything would still be alright if Leah hadn't come. Everything had gone wrong because of her…. here at the wrong time. He felt the wolf claw his way out.

He was beside Bella in an instant, moving so fast she didn't see him coming. He wouldn't let Bella walk out of his life... not again... not without fighting for her. His chest heaved with the effort to keep his human form.

He was beyond furious. "Damn you Bells, you will not run away again. I won't let you do this again, you owe me some answers," Jacob snarled, blocking her path. "And I want them now!"

"I don't owe you anything," she spat back, shivering in the cold. "If she's okay with you fucking around behind her back... you should keep her... her and all the other women... I couldn't care less!" She slipped around him, walking farther away from him.

"Oh fuck no, don't you even go there right now. You were all over me the second you stepped into my house. So don't even try and put the blame on me alone!" Jacob roared, and reached out to stop her from running. He twirled her around, forcing her to look at him.

"For a second I hoped..." she said shakily, but then straightened and stared at him coldly. "But it was nothing more than an illusion..." She slipped out of his grasp as if she couldn't stand to be touched by him anymore.

"I don't even know who you are anymore. You are no good Jacob... Fucking around when you're having a wife and son waiting for you. I never felt as used and as dirty as I do now."

"You're one to talk!" he sneered, seething. "You didn't care last night..."

Bella had reached her car and yanked the door open. "Look, Jacob. Why don't you just leave me alone? It was a big mistake to come here... You have a life now... a baby..." She climbed in and started the motor.

"I never wanted you anyway..." was the last thing he heard, before the car roared to life and his fury completely overcame him.

"Stay here, Bella," he shouted as his fist smashed down on the roof of her car.

She screamed out, terrified, and stepped down on the accelerator as hard as she could. "Just leave me alone!"

She drove off as fast as the old truck would let her. The pain in his heart became unbearable.

He couldn't watch her drive away from him and stormed into the forest, barely able to contain his wolf from breaking free on the middle of the road. _Away, just away from Bella and away from Leah..._was all he could think off, finally phasing before he even reached the woods.

_This is bad, this is really bad,_his mind screamed at him. He couldn't even turn in the direction where he knew Bella was now driving. He felt utterly devastated.

_Why didn't he talk to her,_ he berated himself. _If things hadn't blown out of proportions._Trust him to mess this up royally.

Jacob thought of the look in her eyes, the glare she had given him, the devastation and betrayal mirroring in her brown eyes, when she saw him interacting with Leah and Yuma. It cut him straight through the heart. He felt this excruciating pain; his legs buckled underneath him, he could barely hold himself up.

_What have I done?_ _Why did I not insist,_he asked himself over and over again.

He had to see Bella. He wouldn't let her do this again. They were going to talk and if he had to tie her down. With fierce determination, he ran back to his house, phased back and slipped on a pair of spare pants he always kept hidden behind the porch.

He stormed up the stairs, finding Leah staring at him by the front door.

"You," he said in a dangerously low voice, pointing his finger into her face. His anger rolled off him with every word he spoke. If she hadn't showed up at his house, he would have had the time he needed to talk things out with Bella. He had to reel in his aggression. She wasn't to blame. He had brought that upon him all by himself, but he wouldn't accept any of her accusations either. "You will not ruin this for me. I will have Bella back in my life, whether you agree with that or not!"

His eyes held hers and she understood exactly that he meant what he said. Her eyes then shifted to Yuma, who was now starting to kick and scream in agony.

"I will take both of you to the clinic now, but don't you dare say one fucking word to me right now," he spat, containing his rage only because she was holding their baby in her arms.

As soon as they were back from the hospital-Yuma had his first ear infection-he had called in sick and then ran into the forest, phasing as soon as he got into the tree lines, running as fast as he could, his powerful feet pounding the rich soil. All he could think about was that he wouldn't let her run away from him again. He had to see her and talk to her and if this would be the last thing he would do in his life.

He knew the way by heart and it took him only a few minutes to race through the forest. His heart ached. He had to find a way to calm her down and make her listen to him.

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.oOo.

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Bella couldn't recall driving from La Push to Forks. The tears she spilled and the pain she felt seemed to be getting worse with each minute passing. She was suddenly standing right in front of her father's house. She was glad that Charlie's car wasn't there. Obviously, he was sleeping at Sue's. Good. So she wouldn't need to face him and explain where she'd spent her night.

She was so disgusted with herself. How could she let that happen? Jake was happy now, he had a family. What was she doing to him again? She had no right... no rights whatsoever to interfere with his life ever again!

Bella stepped out of her car, determined to leave this life behind her for good. What had she done? How much damage could she possibly cause in only one life-time? Disappointment coursed through her veins. Disappointment over her own selfish actions. Her greedy need for him might be costing him dearly once more. But she was also disappointed over getting to know a part of Jacob she never thought he'd possessed. Sure, she had an active part in this; in fact, she knew she'd left him with little choices. She practically threw herself at him with no regard for his current life.

She was so selfish, but she also knew she had no choice. She wanted him for so long now.

However, she also couldn't comprehend that Jake had it in him to cheat on his... wife. She never thought he'd be the kind of guy... She always thought of him as a loyal and a faithful man.

Something just felt very wrong with this whole situation, but regardless she needed to leave him alone now, she needed to stay away and let him continue with his life, with his... family.

Bella was confused, nothing made any sense at all. But regardless, she needed to leave him alone now, she needed to stay away and let him continue with his life, with his... family.

Why hadn't he stopped her advances? Why did every touch and every kiss feel like a promise to her? He had made her feel so special and truly loved. She had never felt so wonderful and so desired before. Jake had treated her like a rare and very special gift last night.

She had wanted him from the moment he put his hands on her at the beach. The pull towards him was strong and uncontrollable. She wanted him to be her first and he gave her the most wonderful and powerful experience she had ever had. She loved him so much... Why did he do that to her and his family? Why did it feel so... _real_?

Her thoughts were a jumbled mess as she slammed the front door closed and, blinded by her tears, ran upstairs into her old room to pack her stuff. She needed to get out of here for once and for all.

She pulled her suitcase from under the bed and started throwing her things in. It didn't take her long to yank all of her clothes out of the closet and put it away. Then, she ran into the bathroom to collect her toiletries. Only now, she recognized how sore her body actually felt. She was aching between her legs, tender and sore from all their love-making only a few hours ago. Shivering and freezing with nerves, and a hot shower suddenly sounded really inviting.

As she stripped her clothes, she could smell Jake on her body, his fluids running out of her, trickling down her thighs. She closed her eyes and could still feel his tender but possessive strokes on her skin, his soft lips and his delicious tongue all over her, licking and tasting her. She could hear his soft whispers and his passionate moans, the soreness between her legs the proof of his glorious manhood powerfully and unrestrained moving deep within her.

Despite her emotional turmoil and the unpleasant tenderness, her body started to throb and ache in desire for him again and she cursed herself for still wanting him so badly.

As she looked up, she caught her reflection in the mirror. A woman, should be glowing after having a great first time, instead she looked at her defeated self. Dark circles under red-rimmed eyes, even paler face than usual...

She was painfully aware of the fact that she'd never have him again, never see him again, nor ever feel him move inside her again. She had to go, so he could live his life and be there for his son and Leah.

She reached up, grabbing her hair, yanking it in desperation as if it was possible to rip out all the pain and despair... Her knees gave in and she fell, down to the floor where she rolled into a fetal position, trying to hold herself together. _Why is this happening to me?_She sobbed, wishing this incredible pain would just go away.

She finally dragged herself into the shower, flinching when the cold water hit her sore body. She couldn't move for the longest time, she just stood there, not moving a muscle while she waited for the water to warm up. She washed up, slowly and methodically - hair, neck, chest, arms, legs. She hissed when she ran her washcloth over her inner thighs and the sore place at her center.

She cried, while water and soap washed all of his scent completely from her body and carried it away through the drain. She felt like an empty shell of herself. All of her training, all of her new found self-confidence, washed right down the drain along with any hope she had ever had to be with Jake again. She had failed.

Finally, she stepped out of the shower, dried off and got dressed. When her thoughts went back to his body again, that was when she slowly comprehended that she had not only finally lost her virginity to Jacob, but that she had also done so without using any protection at all.

Bella paled and gasped. "Oh God. NO!"

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.oOo.

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She was throwing the last pieces of clothing into her suitcase, when she heard him outside of her house. The noise was familiar as if it was just yesterday when he visited her through her window for the first time, yet it made the tiny hairs in her neck stand on end and her stomach twist in an unpleasant way.

Jacob did not wait for permission to enter as he simply jumped up to her window and forced it open. He lithely slipped through the opening, ignoring her angry shout.

He looked deranged and stressed when his eyes locked onto her face and then at the suitcase that she had tossed onto her bed. A low warning growl rumbled from his chest as he stepped closer. "Where do you think you're going, Bella?"

"What does it look like? Home of course," Bella said, closed the suitcase and zipped it up. Her heart pounded like hell, but she tried to keep a straight face. She needed to be strong for once and do the right thing. Leaving was the best option for all involved. He deserved better, but she had once again seen to it that Jacob's life would be in shambles. She prayed that she wouldn't ruin everything he had built in his life. She could only hope it wasn't too late already and Leah would forgive him.

"The hell you will!" Jacob spat and grabbed her wrist, stopping her from yanking her suitcase from her bed. Panic rising up into his throat, he was getting desperate. He just had to try to fix whatever was fixable. "I'm not letting you go. You fucking owe me some damn answers!"

"Answers? Here's your answer. Get out of my life Jacob Black," she screamed into his face, ignoring the pain he inflicted on her wrist and the fear that suddenly bubbled up in her at the menacing look on his face. She straightened her back, drew her head back and looked him straight into his eyes. "You are a liar and a cheat! How could you? I am never coming back; you will never have to worry about seeing me again."

"Bella, stay..." he whispered, the pain in his voice evident. He took her hands into his and forced her to look at him. "Please." The desperation she saw in his eyes was simply too much for her to take. It broke her heart.

"Let me go," she hissed, staring up at him with the coldest glare she could muster. Inside, she was crumbling, dying, but she wouldn't show it. She had to go. It was the least she could do, after messing up his life in just one night. "I have a life in Florida and I can't wait to go back to it," she told him angrily and freed her hand from his grasp to take her suitcase, carrying it to her door. "Goodbye, Jacob."

With one big step he stood before her, stopping her from going any further.

There was only one way she could make him hate her now, and she was determined to do whatever she could for him to let her go. Taking a deep breath, she said, "I got what I wanted from you, Jacob, and you enjoyed it very much as well, didn't you? Now it's time to move on, and Leah is correct, I do not belong here anymore, nor do I want to stay a moment longer than I have to."

A look of utter disbelief and hurt appeared in his eyes. "No fucking way, Bella," Jacob bellowed, and the walls literally shook from the force of it. He punched the door frame, dust and splinters of wood raining down on her.

"Goodbye, Jake," she repeated.

He finally dropped his arms helplessly down to his sides; his eyes looked crazed and grief stricken as he bend down getting into her face. "If you leave now," he hissed menacingly, "I don't ever want to see you again. You are dead to me." Tears were flowing down his face and she knew he had no realization of them at all.

She felt so hollow, but it was the right thing to do.

Bella slipped through her door, not ever looking back, and left.

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.oOo.

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The door slammed closed and Jacob was sure that his heart would stop beating. _How could he go on without her in his life? _

No... not again...

Her truck roared to life. He listened to her pulling out, the gravel crunching under the weight of the tires. _Why? How could she?_

His wolf clawed at him, frenzied in his attempt to stop her. With a mighty roar, Jacob flung himself out of the window, phasing before he touched the ground, forcing himself to run. Run away from this house. Run away from her. Run away from everything.

He would not be able to survive it... again. He didn't want to. He was so sick and tired of his.

He ran aimlessly into the forest, not caring where he ended up. Even his wolf could barely take it anymore; he stumbled and hit the frozen floor hard, then slamming into a tree.

He simply stayed down on the cold floor, closing his eyes, and clutching his painful chest, waiting for the welcoming darkness to finally relieve the excruciating pain.

Yuma's sweet face suddenly appeared in his mind...

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**A/N *Shudders* This was an extremely difficult chapter to write for both Nic and I. Trust me, we, had our own share of tears… lots of tears… , so please do give us a break. The journey Jake and Bells are taking is a long one and very painful for both of them, BUT...it will pay off in the end!**

**Right now, it will get bad again…..real bad, until it truly can get better Please trust us, we hate inflicting pain upon our beloved Jake, just as much as all of you all like to read it. We want to thank all of our faithful readers for sticking with this story and us!**

**Thanks and we love all of you!**

**Nic & JB**


	12. Rolling in the Deep

**Disclaimer:****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**CHAPTER WARNING: Drama. Drama. Drama. We would also like to remind all of you to have another read at our Preface, it is going to get lot worse before it can get better. Of course, we don't justify alcohol abuse or play down how unhealthy and dangerous it is.  
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**Thank you for trusting us and reading the next phase of our tale.**

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**A Huge Thank You to our wonderful and awesome** **beta JUL5857. We appreciate you very much! Without you our work would be overflowing from errors.**

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**Hostage of Love**

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**Chapter 11**

**Rolling In The Deep**

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_I hurt myself today_

_To see if I still feel_

_I focus on the pain_

_The only thing that's real_

_The needle tears a hole_

_The old familiar sting_

_Try to kill it all away_

_But I remember everything..._

"Hurt", NIN

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_His wolf clawed at him, frenzied in his attempt to stop her. With a mighty roar, Jacob flung himself out of the window, phasing before he touched the ground, forcing himself to run. Run away from this house. Run away from her. Run away from everything._

_He would not be able to survive it... again. He didn't want to. He was so sick and tired of his life._

_He ran aimlessly into the forest, not caring where he ended up. Even his wolf could barely take it anymore, he stumbled and hit the frozen floor hard, then slamming into a tree._

_He simply stayed down on the cold floor, closing his eyes, and clutching his painful chest, waiting for the welcoming darkness to finally relieve the excruciating pain._

_Yuma's sweet face suddenly appeared in his mind..._

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~~oOo~~

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He sat in his darkened living room, the TV on, but he wasn't watching. Holding a beer in his hand, he was lost in his thoughts. He was drunk. Really drunk.

Alcohol helped him somewhat. It numbed the pain in his heart, and it helped him just a little to forget the deep loss he felt yet again in his heart. The pain over the loss of Bella... again. The hurt over how she'd left him and walked out of his life... again. She had been just as selfish as ever... again.

Some reality show was playing on television, but he could only see blurs of colorful shades and muted voices. Yeah, he didn't need to watch or listen to this kind of crap. He had his own shitty life going on and from the looks of it, it wasn't about to change in the near future. If ever.

He took another big gulp from his beer. He wouldn't need much more until he'd pass out and wake up in the morning, hung-over, and just in time to leave for work. Then he'd drag himself through the day, getting his boss pissed at him, because he would look like shit, scare and intimidate most of his clients away with his angry and aggressive attitude.

Jacob knew that his boss would jump down his throat soon enough. He had had a few 'talks' with him already, most of which never even registered in his mind. He remembered how his boss had accused him to potentially ruin his business and he already heard talk around town about his bad behavior.

Jacob knew it should concern him, that he should stop drinking and behave like an responsible adult, but he couldn't care less about what people where thinking about him right about now. The only thing that kept him from just giving up his job was Yuma.

In all of his grieve and sorrow, he still remembered that he needed to make sure he had an income coming in to help support and pay for Yuma, although he knew very well, that he'd been the world's worst dad lately. So Jacob would tell his boss that he would be trying his best and that he would get better soon enough. He would try harder to get his act together, at least at work.

He knew that Sam was there beside Leah with Yuma. He knew that Sam was trying his best to fill in for his pathetic absence from Yuma's life. He knew Sam was making sure that Yuma was well taken care of. Most of all, he knew that it bothered him deeply, but he had no will or strength left to do anything about it.

He could not even find it in him to feel sorry for anyone other than himself right now. Jacob just didn't care anymore. He was so fed up with his life that it was hard for him to just go through a normal day.

Slowly, he stood up and went into the kitchen, pulling yet another whiskey bottle out of the fridge. He drank right out of the bottle. Why bother with any cups anyway? Besides, he was sure he already used them all up and that there were no glasses or cups left. As he put the bottle down, Jacob looked around his once spotless kitchen with total disinterest and disgust. "S_he managed to fuck me up once again,_" he thought.

Dirty dishes were piled up in the sink, drained beer cans and whiskey bottles covered almost the entire surface of his counter, empty pizza boxes were carelessly stacked behind the door.

From time to time, Leah stopped by to bring him some food, but he'd only bark at her and demand that she left again. He'd leave her food untouched most of the time. Why the hell did she even bother anymore? He'd really wish she'd simply not come by anymore at all.

There was a large part of him that blamed Leah for what happened that morning. He simply could not help it. If she would have not shown up he'd be with his Bells right now. They could have been happy and have a good shot of a future together.

He felt his anger return and his eyes sting once more. With a vicious gesture, he rubbed over his burning eyes as he grabbed for his bottle of whisky, his fist punching yet another hole into the wall. Why did Leah have to show up that morning when _she_ was sleeping in his bed? Why did Yuma have to get ill that morning? Why the fuck was Sam out of town that morning?

"Fuck, what did I ever do to deserve to be that cursed?" he berated himself in his drunken stupor.

Basically, he knew that it made no sense to blame anyone other than himself, which pissed him off even more. He knew, he should have talked with _her_.

_Whatever! _He was sick and tired of everything and everybody.

He didn't answer the phone. He didn't answer his door. His mail box would be overflowing if not for Leah or Sam or even sometimes Embry. They'd bring his mail in and put it on his desk. He'd leave it there to rot.

Most of the time they would not say anything to him, they would just leave him to wallow in his misery, and hoping with some time, he would snap out of it. But since they saw no change at all in his self-distracting behavior, he hoped their patience would run out eventually.

He'd ignore them. He would not even acknowledge them for the most part anyway, only sometimes he would simply tell them to get the fuck out of his house. Perhaps, if he would ignore them long enough, they'd finally leave him alone entirely.

Sometimes, he felt slightly guilty for ignoring his father, too. He hadn't bothered making any efforts to go see him in several weeks, but he figured someone was talking care of him anyway.

As on most weekends, by 9:00 am Jacob was already drunk, or he was still drunk from his constant all-nighters he pulled. To be honest, most of the time he couldn't even remember what day of the week it was anyway. His priority was to numb himself throughout the day just as much as through most of the nights. He didn't want to see, he didn't want to hear, he didn't want to feel anymore.

He grabbed a new can of beer, opened it and emptied it in one gulp. Sleep and forget was his only goal, or so he thought. He could not help himself but think back to his yet again worse day in his life.

_He could not remember how long he had laid there. His body was stiff. Every muscle in his body ached as soon as he was moving. _

_He was in shock, and he was in denial, he was so very angry at himself and the world. His mind still clouded and not able to comprehend what had happened with Bella... again. "FUCK," he thought as soon as her name came into his mind. _

_He turned onto his back slowly, stretching his sore limbs out. His wolf had the incredible ability to heal any physical injuries fast, but this did not apply to the torturous stinging pain he felt in his heart._

"_What the hell am I supposed to do now?" he thought with rising anger. "Why did I not force her to listen to me as I had planned?" With every thought, his frustrations grew bigger. His body started to tremble, his wolf demanding to tear out and run to find her. He needed to find her._

Frustrated, he got up and cursed his pounding head. He wiped his face, with his large hand, noticing the wet on it. He stood there stunned, realizing that he had been crying. _"Great, just fucking great", _he berated himself for the umpteenth time.

Jacob reached out from the chair he'd slumped in to find his beer, but only finding the empty can. With a curse, he got up to get himself a new one. He remembered there was an old bottle of Jack right beside his bed too, so he staggered into his bed room and bend down, grabbing it.

He simply stood there and emptied half of it until the bottle slipped out of his hands and hit the floor with a muted clonk. He passed out, the remaining Jack leaked out, adding a new stain to the soiled carpet.

Several weeks went by where Jacob fully indulged in his depression and self-pity, ignoring family and friends completely.

.

~~oOo~~

.

He woke up to the sound of his cell phone blaring into his oversensitive ears and groggily reached around, trying to shut it off. Then he saw the caller ID, realizing that his boss was calling him again, and once more, he let the call go to voice mail. "What the fuck does he want again?" was his only thought.

It was a dull morning, clouds hanging deep. He heard the rain drip from the roof in a steady rhythm. It was all the same to him anyway.

As he finally rolled out of bed, his head starting to throb immediately, and his stomach tightening in spasms, he realized he hadn't eaten for the at least two days. Alcohol had been the only liquid passing through his lips. He also didn't remember the last time when he had a shower. He felt weak, exhausted, and tired. To sum it up, he felt like shit.

He made his way over to the kitchen, checking his fridge if there was anything left to eat, but he found nothing, but wilted lettuce and a piece of rotten ham along with two dried-out slices of toast. He'd knew then that he needed to go grocery shopping. There wasn't even any beer left either. _What day was it?_

Jacob became aware that nobody had come by to nag or yell at him for several days. A week... maybe even longer... _Fine with him! They could stay the hell away. He was better off without anybody anyway. _

With a frustrated grunt, he slammed the fridge closed and went into the bathroom, looking for some Aspirin to calm his now pounding headache down. He took a handful and swallowed them dry.

He was sloppily brushing his teeth and putting on some deodorant. For a moment, he stared at his reflection in the mirror and if he actually would give a fuck, he would have been pretty damn disgusted at his own reflection. He hadn't shaved in forever and he noticed the dark circles under his eyes. He also seemed to have a permanent scowl on his face and worry lines etched onto his forehead.

Quickly, he turned away and headed into his bedroom, grabbing a grey, rumpled shirt and some old cut-offs, then decided to finally listen to the message his boss had left him earlier today. "Hi, Jake. You didn't show up several weeks, and I told you it was alright to take some time for yourself. But I also told you to get back in here by last Monday, and you did not bother to show or call me. Not good, not good at all. Now you listen to me, and listen good, son. You better try and get your shit together soon. You know that I always valued you as my front man, but I can't have you here in the office cranky and drunk. I am not letting you ruining my business. So listen up, I'm giving you until the end of this week, and this is it.

By Monday morning, you better show up sober and with a clear mind or I am going to have to let you go. You understand that, don't you?"

Feeling fresh anger with the current turn of events, Jacob stomped through the front door to get into his truck.

"Fuck!" he yelled out loud as he scrambled to put the key in the door to unlock it. After several attempts he finally got in and immediately slammed the gear into reverse and drove down his driveway, gravel flying all over.

First, he wanted to drive to Port Angeles, where he could grocery shop anonymously, but it would take him a lot longer to get his booze so he decided against it. Bad thing was, here everyone would know him and recognize the pathetic state he was in... _Just great. _

_Who the hell gives a shit, I am just going in and take what I need and get the fuck out of there as fast as I can_, he grumbled under his breath, convincing himself, Damn! He was realizing at the same time he was conversing with himself like a loon.

With screeching tires he came to a sudden halt in a small side street around the corner of his destination. He got out of his car and walked down the street towards the small corner shop.

He was careful to keep his head down so he wouldn't need to see and greet people he knew as he entered the shop with another unfriendly grunt, quickly picking out the essentials he needed - bread, eggs, bacon - and throwing them into his cart. He also grabbed a case of beer and a bottle Jack Daniels. The shop owner, Mrs Ateara, had long given up lecturing him about alcohol ruining his life. She'd also given up reminding him that he wasn't allowed to legally buy alcohol just yet, being only 20 and all.

She'd just pretended not to see what he had in his cart, knowing he'd get his booze elsewhere and maybe she didn't want him to drive around drunk off his ass. Jacob didn't know and he couldn't care less.

That's when his ears picked up a light squeal, a gurgling laughter, and reality crashed onto him with vengeance.

It was his son's voice coming from a row behind him. He then heard Leah's voice, too. She was laughing and making some funny noise that brought out more of Yuma's sweet baby giggle. A male voice said something to her in a light, caring tone, which made her hum contently. _Yeah, so Sam was with her. _

His first impulse was to spin around and hightail it. Of all the people he could possibly run into, it had to be Leah and Sam crossing his path? He wasn't in the mood to deal with them. He didn't want to be confronted with their belligerent looks and their anger, nor - and that was even worse - did he want to see the pity for him in their faces.

He left his cart in the middle of the isle and turned toward the exit, feeling irritated, trying to get the fuck out of there. He did not want to face them right now or in the near future. Now he had to drive to Port Angeles after all. He should have done that to begin with. Jacob was angry at himself for even bothering to stop here.

He made it to the exit door, when he heard Leah calling out his name. "What, Black! Now you don't even give a shit about your son anymore either?" she called after him angrily.

He stopped in his tracks, swinging around when he suddenly heard a woman say, "He's so cute. You must be so proud of your son!"

"Yes, I am." Sam answered proudly.

And that did it!

He stomped forward, clenching his teeth together and let his feet carry him toward Sam who was holding Yuma in his arms. "This is my son," he growled, and scowled at a woman fussing over Yuma, scaring the crap out of her.

A furious hiss came out of Leah as he watched the woman quickly back away. "What the hell is wrong with you, Black?" Leah snorted and took the baby from Sam's arms, placing him on her hip and putting some space between him and Yuma. _God, his son had grown so much..._

Leah's nose scrunched up as she eyed him from head to toe. "_Gawd_... You look like a damn hobo... and you stink like hell..." he heard her say with disgust lacing her voice. "When was the last time you had a shower?"

Ignoring her comment, he simply stood there, feeling more depressed by the moment. _Gosh, my life is getting worse by the minute. _

"I want to hold my son," he announced, his voice raspy from all the drinking, and he shifted his stance. His heart ached. _He really wanted to hold his son so badly_. "Please."

He suddenly felt vulnerable and very uncomfortable. His wolf, however, was protesting yet again those constant weak human emotions and he felt unsettled by the confinement once more. Jacob's human emotions started to really bother him.

"I can't believe what you are doing to yourself. You ought to be truly ashamed of yourself, Jake," Leah said, as his heart began to pound fast in his chest. She never even bothered to acknowledge his request.

"You must actually enjoy the shit-hole you have dug for yourself again. I can't figure any other way, you know." She stared him down for a moment, shaking her head back and forth slowly. "Jake, don't you know by now, s_he_ is not worth it. _She was never worth it!_ When will you finally see the light of day, huh?" she ranted on, but he only registered her words from a distance.

He was fighting to restrain his revolting wolf now.

"Look at your sorry ass, look what you allowed _her_ to do to you again! You have a son now, dammit!"

_That hurt!_ But he could almost understand Leah's anger. However, he only wished she would show a little more compassion toward him. _I miss talking to you too, Leah_, he thought sadly. Why was she being so cruel? He wished she would just shut up and give him a damn break.

Didn't he deserve a break? He felt so hopeless and all alone in this world. That realization squeezed his heart in painful spasms.

How many times had he given her a break? When she needed help at one time in her life, he was there for her. He took her 'blows' gladly as long as it made her feel better. Damn, he dealt with her fucked up life, so why couldn't she just understand him or at least attempt to understand him when he needed it? A deep sigh escaped his chest and his eyes suddenly stung again.

Sam was observing their 'conversation' with careful eyes, casually putting soda cans and baby wipes into the cart and came to stand close by Leah's side, trying to calm her down by slowly caressing her arm and placing a soft kiss onto her head. Jacob felt like vomiting right then and there.

"Still alive and kicking, Jake?" Sam asked quietly, as Leah pulled Yuma even closer to her chest, and moved a little more forward still, maneuvering his body between him and Leah's completely.

This action brought out a menacing growl from Jacob, and his eyes changed color as his wolf became terribly enraged. His wolf pushed even closer to the surface, but Jacob kept a tight leash on him. _Ah, he had always been good suppressing his wolf-side._

He was getting sick and tired of their actions and grew increasingly frustrated. Even though, Jacob knew, in his current state of mind, that now was not the time to challenge Leah or Sam.

Jacob also knew that he was in no condition to take on Sam right now. Not that he couldn't demand his submission or take care of him physically; he was the stronger wolf, regardless of what went on with him.

No, Sam would never dare take on his Alpha wolf, nor would he tolerate it. He would rip him into shreds if he only tried, but his emotional state of mind was simply too messed up. He also realized he could never risk endangering his son.

Still, their action pissed him off hugely. "You think I'm gonna harm him?" he asked in disbelief. "This is MY son and don't either one of you ever forget that."

Yeah, his son who he'd totally neglected, he admitted to himself. Not once within the last weeks had he asked or even thought about Yuma. Jacob's heart started to pound, remorse settling like a heavy weight on his shoulders.

"Now listen to you..." Leah hissed, leaning around Sam's broad shoulders. _As if she'd ever needed Sam's protection._ "The ever caring father, right? You didn't give a shit about him for several weeks. Why now all of a sudden?"

Jacob closed his eyes in pain, trying to calm down. "I. Just. Want. To. See. Him!" He growled, getting really impatient right now.

"Back off, Black!" Leah sneered at him.

"Not here and not in front of Yuma," Sam told her softly, while holding down Jacob's stare, clearly displaying how mad he was at him right now. Sam reached out, touching Leah lightly on her arm. "Baby, calm down. This is not going anywhere. Let's take Yuma home."

_Fucker!_ Sam's smart-ass attitude made Jacob want to hurl yet again. However, he totally respected that Sam kept his head high and his back straight. He would have totally lost respect for him, even in his drunken stupor; he knew better not to cause a scene right now.

Jacob just hoped that Sam knew he would never be able to fill his shoes as Yuma's father. Jacob was Yuma's father whether Sam liked it or not. All he could do was support Leah and help her with Yuma until he would get his shit straightened out again. Yuma was his son and that was that.

He dared to close the distance, and even though Leah was shooting daggers at him, Jacob did not care. He simply had to get a look at his son, but what do you know. Leah was quick to hide the little guy behind Sam's back.

"I don't want him anywhere near Yuma when he's like this. He is not stable right now. God knows what could happen," she spat, talking to Sam as if Jacob wasn't standing right in front of her. "And he's still drunk off his ass. Can't you smell how disgusting he reeks?"

"Look, Jake," he heard Sam speak up again, trying to placate him. "Why don't you get cleaned up and sober, then come by our house, see Yuma and we all can talk?" _They fucking live together now?_

Well, talk about a fucked up situation. Jacob's wolf was irritated like hell at both of them for trying to keep him away from Yuma, but there was a small part of him that knew they were right.

Jacob just stood there, realizing that he was at a disadvantage, hung-over, unstable and smelly. Clearly not a state you wanted to make an impression on your child.

_Ah, God damn! He really needed to get cleaned up._ It was about time to do something about his shitty attitude. He wanted to be the father Yuma deserved. Jacob only hoped he was strong enough to get sober; he had his serious doubts at the moment.

From the corner of his eye, Jacob recognized Quil's mother, watching the three of them with a wary expression. Quil was there, too, and Jacob got upset even more when he heard Mrs. Ateara whisper to her son, "Get that friend of yours out of my store. Son of the Chief or not if he starts a fight in here I won't hesitate calling the Police."

Quil crossed the store with big strides, coming towards them. Switching glances between Leah and his friend, Jacob didn't know what to do. He really didn't want to cause a scene. He only wanted to see his baby, maybe hold him for a second.

Quil clamped his hand down on Jacob's shoulder. "Hey, Jake! How's it going?" He grinned at his friend as if nothing was going on. "Come on, man," he casually announced. "Let's get you out of here..."

"Are you kicking me out?" Jacob hissed, feeling humiliated. "You're my best friend for fuck's sake. Don't do this to me."

Quil didn't waver. "Sorry, man, but you know how it is... A wolf loses his temper easily and my mom is really worried..."

Yuma started to fuss and he heard Leah announce to get the hell out of here. She tossed him one more irritated look and spat, "You will not get to see Yuma in your condition. Get your act together once and for all if you ever want to be in your son's life!" With that she turned away and hurriedly left the store.

"I'll come and get our stuff later," Sam said to Quil, then went after Leah.

Quil's hand pressed down even harder, warning him to do anything stupid, while giving a friendly nod to a customer. "What are your plans for today, Jake?" he asked casually.

Jacob stood there and stared at his friend with sad eyes for what seemed forever, not sure what he should be doing right now, or what he wanted to do right now either.

Quil finally let go of him, seeing that he didn't move and started to pack up his groceries into a bag.

When another shopper almost ran into him with his cart, Jacob came alive again. He pulled his wallet out and took some money, shoving it into Quil's chest. "That should cover it!" he sneered and grabbed the paper bag, the beer and the whiskey bottle, running to his truck.

Getting there, he rammed his fist into it hard and flung the door open, almost ripping it out of the hinges. He took off with screeching tires.

Bella had left him. He was about to lose his job. He wasn't allowed to see his baby anymore. Could his life get any shittier? All he wanted was nothing more than go home and drown his sorrows in alcohol to forget...

.

~~oOo~~

.

"What the Fuck!"

Jacob yelled out as cold water dripped down his face, soaking into his sheets. He sat up with a jolt and winced, falling back onto his bed. His head was about to burst. His stomach lurched. He flung his arm over his eyes, protecting his retinas from getting fried by the bright light of the day.

With his eyes still shut, he cursed up a storm. He sensed Leah in the room. She dared to wake him? Why did she wake him? He hated to be awake. Being awake meant being aware of his fucking life.

"Get the hell out of my house!" he demanded through gritted teeth.

"Get up, Jake," Leah said, determination lacing her voice.

He grunted, and intend on ignoring her. She'd leave him alone eventually, if he'd ignore her just long enough.

"Last call, Black."

Her voice was an annoying drone in his head, and he expressed his irritation with a heartfelt "Fuck You!" He just wanted to be left alone.

She kept on talking, and then suddenly she yanked him up by his hair as far as she could. Beyond pissed he yelled out a second time. _How dare she?_ His body started dangerously shaking now as he grabbed her wrists, in order to stop her idiotic attempts to get him to sit up. He was close to phasing... so close.

"Jake, stop right now!" he heard her speak calmly and then she did something he didn't expect.

.

.

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	13. Life's Struggles

**Disclaimer:****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thank you guys for continued reading and hopefully enjoying our story, even though our updates are rather slow. As hard as life has been thus far for our Jake and Bells, it does indeed go on. Let's see how both of them will handle it. Enjoy guys!**

**Thank You to our wonderful and awesome** **beta ****JUL5857**** AND our brand spanking and very inspiring new beta ****joanne swift****, man your edits and suggestions blew me away babe, you rock! We truly appreciate both of you very much. We couldn't do it without you guys!**

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_**Hostage of Love**_

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**~Chapter 12~**

_**Life's Struggles**_

_**.  
**_

_If Love Was A Word_

_I Don't Understand_

_Simplest Sound With_

_Four Letters_

_What Ever It Was_

_I'm Over It Now_

_With Every Day_

_It Gets Better_

_Are You Loving The Pain?_

_Loving The Pain?_

_And With Every Day_

_Every Day_

_I Try To Move On_

_What Ever It Was_

_Ever It Was_

_There's Nothing Now_

_You Changed_

_New Age..._

_New Age, Marlon Roudette_

_._

_.  
_

_Still, she wouldn't get it. She kept on talking, and then suddenly she yanked him up by his hair as far as she could. Beyond pissed he yelled out a second time. How dare she? His body started dangerously shaking now as he grabbed her wrists, in order to stop her idiotic attempts to get him to sit up. He was close to phasing... so close._

"_Jake, stop right now!" he heard her speak calmly and then she did something he didn't expect._

_.  
_

_~~oOo~~_

_.  
_

She was holding him close to her chest, knowing he needed some time to calm down. She told him in a soft voice that she felt guilty, ever since the incident in the market, that she was extremely worried about his state of mind. She also felt small pangs of guilt for treating him so harshly, _yeah right._ Seeing him that way had simply enraged her, she claimed. His pain would bring back memories she rather would leave in the past.

"Fucking Bella," Leah bluntly announced, causing him to cringe, and he was about to lash out when he heard her apologize. That's all he needed, more fucked-up talk about _her_ right now. But since he heard her attempt to apologize, he left it alone. He already had a hard time holding himself together as it was.

Fighting would only lead to phasing and that was the least he wanted to do right now. He did not want to hear his pack's mind, and he didn't want to have them in his head. All he wanted was to be left alone for God's sake.

His violent tremors slowed down, but he was still shaking, _gawd dammit_. She then wrinkled her nose and announced that he smelled foul. He growled.

"Sshhh, Jake. I'm here. Let's get you into the shower. That will make you feel much better," she said with concern in her voice.

A few more times, he demanded that she leave already-to no avail. He did not want to deal with anyone, especially Leah.

"I'm not leaving here until you get cleaned up and have a talk with me. Get that into your head." He heard the warning in her voice. "Look at me," she demanded, while she still had his head cradled in her arms. "We are going through this shit together, okay? Right here and right now, Black!"

He shook his head no. He wanted nothing more than to be left alone.

"Let me help you, it's not like I haven't seen your naked ass a hundred times before," she announced with a strong and determined voice.

His wolf started to rumble inside of him again. He knew he had not much of a choice; once Leah made up her mind that was it. He needed to try, just to hear her out so she could be on her way out of his life again.

"Damn, Jake open your eyes already... look at me!" she requested. "You know I care and I worry about you. You are Yuma's daddy, Jake, and we need you!"

He wasn't sure what he was feeling at that moment. His heart still ached in desperation and pain, but at the same time, he felt the need o_f some basic human contact. There had to be someone who still gave a flying fuck about him, cared if he actually lived or died._

Leah's touch felt nice, her small hand caressing his forehead and his cheek. How much he had missed just such a simple gesture. Maybe there was some hope that he could get out of this deep hole once again.

He allowed her to pull him up onto his feet. He'd gotten so weak that she could shove him towards the bathroom almost effortlessly.

"Get me some fucking aspirin out of that cabinet," he grunted roughly as soon as they made it into his bathroom, all the while Leah, constantly holding him snugly, supporting him. He watched her reach into his medicine cabinet, retrieving his much needed painkiller. He snatched the whole bottle out of her hand as soon as she took it out of the cabinet and tossed half of its contents down his throat, dropping the rest of the bottle carelessly to the floor.

He almost expected her to yell at him for acting like an ass, but of course she ignored his attempts in pissing her off without batting an eye.

She turned the shower faucet on, immediately, steam clouded the small bathroom. "Move it, Jake," she spoke up.

"Alright! Alright," he griped, unsure if he should strip his shorts down in front of her.

She looked at him for a moment, noticing his hesitation, and with a twinkle in her eye, she swiftly ripped his filthy shorts off him and shoved him into the shower, the hot water scolding his skin right away.

_Damn!_ It was all the same to him. Slowly, he began to turn his face into the spray of water, letting the hot water soak his hair and skin.

Leah yanked the shower curtain aside and handed him a new bottle of shampoo and a musky scented soap. "Wash up, Black," she told him with that annoying smirk on her face, "or I'll do it for you!"

"Fuck you!" he muttered, but he would not take it past her, so he quickly went on with lathering his body up with the soap she handed to him.

"You need to shave as well and cut your hair..." she stated and stared at him with her arms crossed over her chest, unperturbed by his nakedness.

Jacob growled and pulled the shower curtain closed. "Damn, Leah! Stop ordering me around already. I get it alright?"

Leah finally left him alone. "Okay, I'm out here for now," she snapped and left the bathroom. A second later he heard her move around his kitchen.

The water felt surprisingly good. He had to admit to himself that he felt much better already. It had been too long since he had cleaned himself up. He was fucking sure that Leah was determined to pull him out of his dark place once more, but he was not so sure or convinced that it would be possible this time. He had lost _her_ again. How could he ever forgive himself to let her slip away for a second time?

He turned the faucet off, simply stood there and let the water drip down his body, noticing his stomach growling violently of hunger. Hurriedly, he loosely wrapped a towel around his hips, forgoing the shave and the haircut.

Leah would just have to deal with it when he sat down to eat like that. He couldn't wait another moment to get some real food into his system. His stomach growled once more at the delicious smell wafting through the house. He was starved.

Soon he sat on his kitchen table in front of a huge plate piled high with eggs, bacon and several slices of toast, slithered with butter and jam. He was impressed, he had to admit, she did surprise him by cooking him such a great meal. He wasn't about to tell her that though.

He scarfed his food down without looking up from his plate, washing it all down with the strong black coffee she had brewed for him.

He, nevertheless, could feel Leah's eyes on him throughout his meal. Her observing glare made him edgy. He really did not want to face her just yet. He didn't need to hear her lecture about letting _her_ go already and to move on. There was a small stream of guilty waves running through him as he simply wished she'd leave him be, leave him to wallow in his miserable life.

"Okay, Black, when are you going to look at me?" she suddenly announced. "I've just about had it. You are going to straighten yourself out and you are going to do so now."

He huffed in annoyance and rolled his eyes. "You can't tell me what to do."

"Oh, can't I, Jake?" She threw her arms up in the air. "I fucking care about you. I'm not watching you waste away anymore. You feel me?"

He grunted.

"You are a grown man. You have responsibilities and not just to yourself anymore. There are people depending on you. Damn, you have a real job, Jacob! Did you forget about that, too?" She clearly sounded frustrated now, but still she wasn't going to give up.

_Yeah_, she was not going to let him get away with it any longer, he realized that much.

"Look, I need you, and I miss you! Yuma needs you! Your Pack needs you! You owe it to yourself and all of us to get on with it already." Relentlessly, she kept on talking and pleading with him. She made it hard for him to continue ignoring her. He felt his resolve falter piece by piece.

"Jake..." He suddenly heard her voice so low, that he almost missed it. He could not help it anymore, he finally raised his eyes to hers, and painfully noticed how much she also was suffering. "Jake," she said again. "I... I am so sorry!" She did not need to elaborate, he knew exactly what she was talking about.

"Hey," Leah put her hand on his arm, "I brought someone with me who I thought might cheer you up a little."

Jacob raised his eyebrows questioning, a little hope welling up in him. _Could it be that...?_

"Come with me." She stood up and went into the living room. He followed her walking towards Yuma's crib. "Sit your butt down, Jake," she said and took the baby out his crib, slowly walking back to him.

Jacob got a little tight around the chest, and the feeling got worse when she placed his sleeping son into his arms. Yuma was so warm and soft, and he'd gotten so big. Although, in his arms his baby would forever look tiny. He bent down and inhaled his sweet scent, his heart aching in longing. He had missed his little fella so much.

Ever since Leah came over, he felt on the verge of tears, but now he welled up, and he realized that there was no holding it back for much longer. He sniffed, trying to rein in the burning tears stinging in his eyes. But then, it couldn't get any worse now, could it? Leah had already seen him at his worst. _Damn, he was at his worse._

"I think an apology is in order," she murmured and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She sat down beside him. "I shouldn't have talked to you like that the other day. Not in front of other people that is. I'm sorry for that. I'm not sorry for what I said though. Jake, you can't be around Yuma when you're drunk, behave aggressively and smell like hell."

He didn't look at her. He was focused on studying Yuma's sweet face. His eyelids were moving rapidly; he was probably dreaming. He even smiled a little in his sleep. It felt so good to finally hold his son again. His wolf hummed contently, and Jacob leaned down, breathing in Yuma's clean and sweet baby scent again, he could not get enough of it.

"I'm a sorry excuse for a father," he finally rasped. "I wouldn't want any lowlife getting close to him, either. To think that I am the lowlife... that I... Oh God!... It just makes it..." His voice broke and a big sob shook his large frame. The tears he'd been holding back started to flow freely now, he did not hold them back any longer. What was the point anyway?

Slowly, he slid down to the floor, cradling his son closely to his chest. He knew he messed up everything good he ever had.

The sharp pain in his heart was taking his breath away. The realization of losing Bella all over again was crushing every rational thought and reason he had. He wanted to bolt, he wanted to release his wolf and run away from here. He wanted to make it all stop already and end it... end his pain and suffering.

His wolf revolted at his thoughts, and Jacob started to shake violently. In the far distance, he heard Leah gasp out and grab his face. He shook his head, trying to shake her off, but she was holding on to him, talking to him, even though he could not hear her words anymore.

How could he have been so stupid of letting _her_ get away from him again? He needed her like he needed air to breathe. How could he possibly go on now?

Suddenly, Yuma started to wake with a start and began to scream; the piercing cry so loud it was like a slap in his face. It brought him back to reality. His tremors subsided slowly and his tears simply stopped. He stared at his son, worriedly. He felt shame wash over him for what he was putting is son through.

He looked up and noticed Leah's wet face, the pain and worry clearly visible. His eyes fell back down onto his son. He kissed him and tried to calm him down, his body shaking less, and Yuma's cries slowly subsided as the rhythm of Jacob's heart soothed him.

Jacob closed his eyes, visualizing Bella. He knew he loved her, and that he would do anything for her, anything at all, but he could not allow her to ruin his life anymore. His drinking and absenteeism threatened to cost him his job.

He even jeopardized losing his son. He'd fought and worked so hard, trying to find some kind of peace and happiness, even without _her_ in his life.

He also realized that she did not care enough about him to hear him out. She did what she does best, _run the fuck out of his life_. So be it.

He had to try to get her out of his head for now. But he knew he was not ever getting her out of his heart.

He knew one thing; he would never again risk losing his son. He would be the kind of father Yuma deserved.

Yuma's tiny hand closed around one of his big fingers, bringing it to his mouth. He let his son suck on his finger until a sharp sting made him gasp in surprise. "Hey, he bit me!" he exclaimed and smiled briefly. Watching his son for a while and letting him chew on his finger, he finally looked up, facing Leah. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I didn't mean to lose it like that... I swear it won't ever happen again."

"You need to phase, Jake," she stated matter-of-factly as she peered into his eyes. "You've caged your wolf for far too long. He needs to get out... And you need to run it out.

"Remember, Jake, how I used to run when I was so angry that I couldn't bear it anymore? You have to get it out of your system. Drinking doesn't do shit for you. I've tried it myself. It doesn't work."

He shook his head. "I don't want to phase." He didn't want to have the pack get a look inside his mind, but his wolf stirred, demanding to be let free.

"Come on, Jake. Running will be good for you."

Yuma squirmed in his arms and turned to get a look at his mother. He wailed and reached out his chubby hands, letting go of Jacob's finger.

"You sure are hungry..." Leah cooed and smiled at Yuma while automatically unbuttoning her blouse. "Give him to me, Jake. He wants to drink. I'll let you change his diaper after he is done. How about it, Jake?" She snickered and winked at him.

Reluctantly, Jacob handed Yuma over to Leah, his hand lingering over his son's face, gently stroking his soft cheeks. "Sure, sure."

With a hungry grunt, Yuma latched on. Leah leaned back against the sofa, looking at him with hopeful eyes. "Just go and run now! We will be here waiting for you, then we will have a talk, okay?"

"Whatever," Jacob said, unconvinced and unwilling. But then, his feet carried him through the backdoor, out into the garden. It was spring. _Why hadn't he recognized it before?_ He could smell the scent of melting snow and fresh green. He could hear the gurgle of the nearby river and the tweeting of birds.

Suddenly, running didn't seem so unpleasant. He could always order the others to phase out, right?

Suddenly, phasing was imperative.

He ripped his towel off his hips and he sprinted towards the forest, phasing as soon as he reached the timber line.

And then he ran.

He was picking up speed; he felt like flying though the forest, his surroundings only a colorful blur, an overwhelming mix of scents and noises. He truly enjoyed his powerful wolf pounding his large paws into the ground, the wind rushing by his huge form.

He did not care where he was running to, he just wanted to run forever. He felt better than he had in a very long time. He had denied his wolf for too long.

He really had missed feeling strong and free.

.

~~oOo~~

.

Bella didn't remember much of her journey back to Phoenix. She recalled getting into the airplane after calling Charlie, letting him know where to pick up her truck. She also recalled sitting next to an elderly woman that occasionally patted her arms with a sympathetic look on her face. She recalled closing the door of her mother's house behind her several hours later.

She might have sat in her mom's living room for hours or days, she simply didn't remember anymore. It was when her mother came in that she came back to her senses.

"Honey, I didn't know you were here. Why didn't you call me?" Renee crouched down beside her, looking at her with worry in her eyes. "Charlie called me. He was pretty upset with you leaving Forks without telling him anything or telling him good-bye..." Renee now discovered Bella's tear-stained cheeks and cried out, "God... baby... What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"Oh... Mom... I think I made a huge mistake... I... I..." Bella whispered.

"A mistake, Bella?" Renee wanted to know. "What kind of mistake could you possibly have made that makes you that sad, honey?"

"The usual..." Bella looked at her mother, then wiped across her face with the sleeve of her shirt. "Just being me... you know... making stupid decisions around men. Again..."

"Oh, baby... It's bound to happen when you grow up." Her mom leaned over in attempt to put her arms around her shoulders, but Bella shrugged her off and stood up.

"Yeah, right," Bella muttered. "And I'm the Queen of stupid decisions..." She grabbed her suitcase she'd carelessly dropped next to the door. "I gotta go, Mom."

"Already?" Renee asked, but Bella could hear the elation in her mother's voice. Renee wasn't really the type of mom, who would carefully listen to her daughter's problems and give advice. Too much centered around herself, Renee was just glad when Bella went to talk with her friends about her problems.

"I have to catch some sleep and still need to finish my research paper on congenital hip dysplasia... so, yeah. I need to go. Love you, Mom." Bella hugged her mother briefly.

She entered her tiny apartment half an hour later, unpacked her suitcase methodically and put her clothes in the washer. Then, she dusted and mopped the floor, cleaned the bathroom and sorted through her school books and binders. At last, she went through her apartment taking down each and every wolf picture she had taken in Alaska. She put them away in a box and shoved it under her bed as far as only it would go.

She wanted nothing, absolutely nothing, to remind her of Jake and the night she'd spent with him. It was time to move forward with her life. She had no right to interfere with Jake's life to begin with, and she definitely had caused way too much damage once again.

At the end of the day, she was exhausted and sat down on her bed. Although she didn't want to think of him at all, the memories came without her being able to stop it. _Jake's hot body on her...his mouth savoring every inch of her body...Jake inside of her!_

A tiny, bitter smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. At least, she would always be able to remember a remarkable first time. That was more than more of her friends could say about themselves.

So far, it was, and that she was absolutely sure about, the best experience in her life. With sorrow in her heart, she realized that she had to start over once again, but this time, she was going to make it permanent. She could only hope that she would find a man - someday - that would be able to compare to Jacob Black. He was so special, and he deserved nothing but the best. She knew her love for him was endless, but she had to let Jake go. He was living his own life now.

He had Leah and his son, and he was the Alpha and maybe even the Chief of the Quileute tribe. It was time to make her own mark in life. She had cried and been weak for a big portion of her life, and she was adamant to change that.

Life was going to get busy for her, she would see to that. There would be school and she was going to look for a job as soon as possible. She would make sure to keep herself busy. She wouldn't allow herself to do much brooding or thinking about...LaPush and _him_.

_Nope! There will be none of that. It's time to take my own life back and make better decisions from now on_, she vowed to herself.

Slowly, she walked into her bathroom to wash her face and comb her hair. Since her apartment seemed clean enough, she decided to go get a bite to eat and there was this research paper waiting for her.

Some fast food seemed to do it just fine tonight. Then she would get comfortable in her bed to do some research online for some possible jobs.

.

~oOo~

.

The next few months Bella barely allowed herself to rest. She wasn't sleeping much. When she wasn't studying, she was working at her job at the rehab center for accident victims, or she simply spent her time working on her self-defense techniques.

Slowly, she started to go out with her new friends on a more regular basis. She really took a liking toward Megan, Kat, Kelly and the flamboyant and handsome Matt. Matt was especially sweet, always trying to get her to smile.

She enjoyed their company, they were a fun group of people with different backgrounds and stories, and she knew how much they cared for her. They were easy to get along with, were fun and would get genuinely worried about her. They didn't know exactly what her problems were, but she couldn't hide the haunted look, which seemed to be permanently etched into her eyes, from any of them. She appreciated that they respected her enough to not pry into her life too deep.

More and more, she allowed herself to see the brighter side of life again. She actually noticed that she had started to laugh more frequently and it felt good.

She wasn't happy, but she was content enough. She gave it her best shot to move on.

Of course, there were days when she could not stop herself from thinking of Jake and that fateful night, but she learned to quickly push those thoughts aside.

What she couldn't stop were her dreams. She continued dreaming of the night she had spent with Jake, but the outcome of this dream was often very different. In some of her dreams, she would openly tell him that she loved him and he would tell her that he loved her in return. That was always her favorite dream, but in some of her other dreams, she would control the strong urge and desire to give into her feelings, to have all of him, to allow him to touch her, and they would just be talking.

And then there was a dream when she would simply go back to him and tell him how sorry she was for everything. But her worst dream was when she'd dreamed that he would turn away from her and take Leah and his baby in his arms. Regularly, she would wake up sobbing and crying out for Jake, her heart painfully pounding in her chest.

She missed him so much that it physically hurt. Headaches and stomach pain became her constant companions. She knew that she was pushing herself too hard into her studies, work and whatever activities that kept her distracted, and distracted was what she needed to be in order to make it through a whole day.

Sometimes, Kelly, one of her closest and most caring friends, would tell her that she was working towards a burn-out if she wouldn't stop. But Bella would smile, shake her head no, and tell her not to worry.

Tonight, however, she was dressing up to go out. She felt both excited and nervous about it. After relentless inquiries, Bella had finally caved and would join her four friends for dinner and the movies.

Bella's apartment for once was bursting with life. Laughter and jokes filled her living room, as the girls applied make-up, while Matt gave his opinion about it. He had a very keen eye for beauty after all, or so he claimed. All the preparations ended up being fun as they tried on different outfits.

"Now this is a Bella I'd like to see more often." Megan playfully nudged her, and handed her a pair of white rhinestone strap sandals. "They will look awesome with your jeans."

Taking one look at the heels of those sandals, Bella was glad for taking her yoga lessons. It had helped her get rid of her coordination and balance issues, but still, walking in heels wasn't something she felt very comfortable doing. However, when she saw that Matt was clapping his hands and seemed extremely pleased with her appearance, she decided to go along with it. Their laughter was simply contagious, and she could not help but join in. The evening promised to be easy going and fun filled.

One last look in the mirror told her that she looked pretty good. She was surprised what her friends had accomplished with some make-up and those jeans, which were fitting her perfectly. On top of that Matt had put his magical hands on her hair, and had it styled in a straight chin bob. She was ready to go.

At the movies, she saw a young couple that was so much in love. The woman was pregnant and the man constantly had his hand on her belly. Bella didn't want to but she had to look at them over and over again.

A small part of her had wished that Jake had gotten her pregnant. After all, they had unprotected sex. It was a selfish wish, she knew that. The bigger part of her had been scared. She'd be a single mom without a college diploma. What could she possibly give her child but her love? It wasn't that she could go and tell Jake he had fathered another child. A couple of days later, she'd gotten her period and that was it. Bella believed it was better this way.

Her friend's voice snapped her out of her thought. "Bella? What are you waiting for? Let's go inside!" Kelly linked arms with her and dragged her into the theater.

The movie was only okay. Bella just gave it enough attention that she could laugh and comment at the right places. The point was to keep herself distracted so she wouldn't sit at home and wallow in misery. After the movies, they decided to visit a bar right around the corner to chill out for a little while.

"I swear, Bella. That guy over there is looking at you the whole time," Kat said at some point, nudging her.

Bella shrugged. "You know I don't care, Kat."

"He looks handsome, you know..." Her friend giggled, as she continued to sip from her cocktail. Without being asked for further information, she started to describe Bella's admirer, "He's got blond hair and a slightly tanned skin. He's slim and well dressed."

"Kat..." Bella drawled, irritated, but Kat laughed it off and slipped from her bar stool, walking over to the billiard table.

Bella started to feel uncomfortable and kept her head down, staring at her amber-colored drink in her glass, quickly getting lost in her own thoughts, when she felt someone walking up to her. "Hi," a male voice said, and the movement next to her told her this someone had sat down next to her. "I'm Patrick. Do you come here often?"

.

~oOo~

.

Since the day she had met Patrick, something changed in Bella's life. Patrick's easy going attitude made her realize that she might give 'dating' a try. She might as well try and make the best out of it. She knew that she didn't look for a long, intense relationship or even love. Being with Patrick simply provided a new form of distraction from her heartbreak.

Even when she never would admit it out loud, her confidence got kicked right back down after she had worked so hard to get her pride and self-worth back after she finally had left Edward. But what had happened with Jake... If he had _really_ wanted her, and not only wanted to fuck her for one night, wouldn't he have made her stay?

So she agreed to go out on a few dates with Patrick and eventually shared not only a first kiss with him, she also let him talk her into sleeping with him. Bella felt nothing. No warm fuzzy feeling. No fireworks. No passion. She never even was anywhere near having an orgasm.

Patrick broke up with her a couple of weeks later, stating she wasn't really into it, or into him for that matter, and she actually felt relieved.

After Patrick, she dated Adam, a student from her anatomy class, seeking the attention and physical closeness. It felt good to be wanted. Adam made her feel special. She actually felt attractive and sexy in a way. She also liked the conversations she had with him. He knew how to draw her out of her shell and how to make her laugh on occasion. It seemed like Adam was on a mission, and she truly appreciated his good intentions.

In many aspects he was a good match for her. She enjoyed his company, her friends liked him well enough and he seemed to really want to make their relationship work, but like with Patrick she felt no sparks, no passion when she slept with him.

She knew better. There was no chance that he or anyone else for that matter could ever come close to Jacob. She still dreamt of him and she treasured these dreams, they seemed to keep her sane. She couldn't deny how much she still was in love with him, and that made it impossible for her to open up to Adam completely. She was not ready to let go of Jake.

As on many of their evenings together, Adam started his advances with a wink and his hand traveling up her thigh.

"Adam, I'm not in the mood right now," Bella murmured distractedly. "I still need to finish my paper." She shoved his hand from her leg and concentrated back on her book.

"Come on, baby," Adam said, scooting closer. "I have been horny all evening. You look so sexy in that short skirt. I have waited for you to finish that damn thing for three hours, already. What takes you so long?" He began kissing her behind her ear and being as impatient as ever, took her hand and guided it to his hardened member.

"Adam," Bella hissed, annoyed and pulled her hand away, flinging her pen at her notebook. "You could just wait, you know?"

He cocked an eyebrow, grinned at her and tightened his grip on her legs, trying to spread them open further. "I want you now, Bella," he stated and pulled her in his lap.

With a resigned sigh, she leaned into his kiss, trying really hard not to think of anything or anybody else right now. She hated how she seemed to not be able to feel what she wanted, what she needed to feel.

Adam was trying his best to get her to open up and enjoy his body as much as he enjoyed hers. Soon, she felt Adam slide in and out of her, breathing heavily into her face. It was hard not to simply stare up to the ceiling and count out loud all the cracked ceiling tiles, until this was over.

They suddenly got disturbed by her phone's persistent ringing.

"Wait up, Adam," Bella said and tried to slip out of Adam's arms. "This could be important."

"Almost there, babe." he grunted, and roughly pumped into her two more times, releasing himself quickly, without concerning himself about her needs and completely ignoring her mumbled complaint.

As soon as she felt him stop, she rolled out from under him, leaving him to find his own napkin and dispose of his condom. She was too pissed at him for being a prick in bed - _again_ - to even remotely care.

She quickly hobbled to her desk and pulled her phone out of her bag. The phone stopped ringing until she finally found it. "Damn it," Bella cursed. Feeling the chilly air, she went back to the bed and grabbed her sheet not really caring about Adam's his call of protests

She realized the relationship with Adam would never work out, and all of her anger unloaded. She picked up his tee shirt and threw it at him, his jeans followed, then his shoes. "There's the door. I've had enough of you!" she yelled. "Leave! We are _so_ done!"

Adam took his clothes and put them on in haste. "What's gotten into you?"

Bella growled. "You! That's what!"

The phone started ringing again, and she checked the screen impatiently. She didn't recognize the caller ID, but whoever was calling, it seemed to be important. A little tingle went down her spine.

"Let's talk this out, Bella. Whatever I did to upset you, I'm sorry, you know," Adam said, but Bella silenced him with a dead glare.

"Out. Now!"

She closed and locked the door behind him, and hesitantly put the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"Hey," a female voice at the other end of the line said, causing Bella to instantly feel dizzy as she felt her blood draining from her head. She knew that voice all too well.

"It's Leah. I think we need to talk!"

.

~oOo~

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	14. New Developments

**Disclaimer:All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: I apologize for late updating and sparcely responding to your reviews. My computer is acting strange. I often don't even receive notification that I have a new review. I don't know why that is. Please, know that I appriciate each and every one of your reviews. **

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**Just a brief clarification on the time frame of our recent developments. Please keep the following in mind: **

_* Bella comes to Forks for a visit at Christmas, 2 ½ years after she left. Yuma's 3 months old at that time._

_* During mating season (1 ½ years after Bella's wedding) Jacob gets Leah pregnant, and Yuma is born. _

_* The last chapter ended 3 months after the fateful encounter between Jake and Bella. Jake went into depression for about 3 months until Leah finally intervenes and apologizes to him. _

_* This chapter is another two months later. Yuma's now 8 months old. It's five months since Bella ran away again._

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**Hostage of Love**

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**Chapter 13**

_**New Developments**_

_**.**_

_I am moving on_

_reaching toward my hopes and dreams_

_It has taken me far too long_

_to reach this place, it seems_

_My fears may try to hold me back_

_To try and block my way_

_But with courage and faith in my heart_

_I will get there come what may_

_The road will be a long one,_

_And it may be rocky, too_

_But when I reach this place in time,_

_My dreams could all shine through_

_I am coming nearer to my goals_

_And my excitement grows_

_The plans I have made will soon be real_

_Along with the destiny I chose_

_Though I have been tossed and turned in life's storms_

_I will surely see a brighter dawn_

_I'm no longer held back by my fears_

_I'm finally...Moving On_

_by Alan Murray_

_._

_._

_._

_She closed and locked the door behind him, and hesitantly put the phone to her ear. "Hello?"_

"_Hey," a female voice at the other end of the line said, causing Bella to instantly feel dizzy as she felt her blood draining from her head. She knew that voice all too well._

"_It's Leah. I think we need to talk!"_

.

~oOo~

.

_[…scene taken out…]_

He lay there for a while, waiting for his hammering heart to calm down. From the window, he saw the first rays of light. At least he had gotten six hours of sleep before he had to start patrolling. He got up and took a shower, washing away the remnants of his dream.

"Five fucking months!" He angrily scowled at his reflection in the mirror, while running the razor over his chin. "Five. Fucking. Months, Black! This has to stop!" His hands started shaking and he grabbed the razor too tight, nicking his skin. "Shit!" He was too damn agitated once again. How in the world could he stop his dreams?

His skin was healed seconds later. He washed the remaining shaving foam off his face and went to get himself some coffee. Then he grabbed a shirt and his cut-offs, tied it around his ankle and phased, relieving Jared and Seth from their patrol duty.

Jacob would be alone until Embry shared this shift with him in about half an hour. It felt good to let his wolf out again, but patrolling had become dull as vampire activity was sparse these days. It used to distract him from his brooding, but now there was nothing that would stop his trail of thoughts for long.

_Damn, Jake,_ Embry grumbled as he phased in and was greeted by his Alpha's bad mood. _You need a woman and fast. You haven't had a real fuck since Leah and... _

Jacob caught a glimpse of his own memories in his brother's head. Bella writhing under him, her head thrown back in ecstasy.

Jacob growled. _Stop thinking about her!_

_Sorry, bro. _Embry apologized good-naturedly. _Actually, we're hitting that new club in Port Angeles tonight. You want to come?No, I take that back, you neeeed to come, Jake! I promise you'll have a good time and I'll make sure that you get a little eh...distraction, as well. _Embry thought of heated kisses, and a woman's legs wrapped around his waist.

Jacob rolled his eyes and ran faster. _How many times have you asked me to hang out with you already, Em? And how many times do I need to tell you that I have no interest in hanging out in clubs or bars? Get it into your head! You don't give up do you? Besides, I don't drink anymore, remember? _

He was annoyed. Couldn't they all just leave him the fuck alone?Today he had something much more important on his agenda than going out and getting laid._ Look, Embry, I'm spending time with Yuma today and I have been excited about this all week. I can't wait to spend some quality time with my little fella. There is no way I'm going anywhere today, so stop bugging me._

_Okay, okay._ Embry relented, and Jacob sighed with relief - too soon. He wasn't off the hook just yet. _How about tomorrow? Jake, didn't I tell you that this is a veeeery special weekend! _–Embry showed him visions of legs in heels, red-colored lips wrapped around a straw, sipping on a milky-white cocktail- _I promise to leave you alone if you come this one time. Come on, Jake! I swear to you, you won't regret it. Just join us on Saturday and you can even sip your Coke, I don't care, alright? _Embry said, trying to catch up with his Alpha.

Jacob ignored his brother and continued patrolling the area. There had to be some leech somewhere...

Embry bumped into his side.

_Listen, there is this special All-Girl band playing this weekend _–Embry thought of a slender blonde singer breathing into a microphone-_ They have played there before and I am not kidding you, they want to fuck me and Quil. You HAVE to come! _

_Last time they performed, Quil almost lost his shit right there at our table, I swear to you! You can't even imagine how hot and ready these chicks are. _–Jacob got to see the singer's hand running through Quil's hair. Her leg propped up on his chair. Her knee grazing his chest-

_Besides, your frequent 'dreams' drive all of us crazy._ Embry grunted, jumping aside when Jacob pushed his muzzle hard into his flank.

_This is none of your beeswax, Call! _Jacob growled, starting to get irritated.

_You need to get laid and that's that, Jake! _Embry responded, totally unaffected that he was pissing his brother off. _Hey, look at it this way, I am taking care of your health! You need to fuck someone. You need a real woman under you. That's all I am saying! _

_Alright! Just shut up now, I am going this one time only, but don't you dare tell me that I need to fuck someone! You better promise me to leave me the hell alone after tomorrow night, Em. _Jacob turned around and blocked his brother's path. Staring him in the eyes, he threatened, _And if you won't I'll Alpha order you to shut up. We clear? _

Embry nodded, alternating between feeling smug and intimidated, and they continued their patrol without exchanging another word or thought.

As soon as their patrol had ended, Jacob hurried over to Leah's and Sam's place to join them for their weekly Saturday breakfast. It became a regular routine, spending time with Leah, Sam and Yuma every Saturday and he really enjoyed these few hours.

He had to meet up with a customer in about two hours, showing him around a house, and he had promised Leah to take Yuma for the afternoon.

This was his most special time. Leah only recently had allowed him to spend time with Yuma alone. He totally understood her hesitation before; he had been such a prick. He would never allow himself to stoop that low again, not ever. His son meant the world to him and he had lots to prove to him and to Leah.

He was really looking forward to his afternoon with Yuma. He had planned on taking a long walk with him along the beach and he wanted to take him over to Billy's place. He had to smile thinking about the Rocking Horse he had started to make for his son. He couldn't wait to see his face once he completed it. He wished he had more time to work on it, but his work schedule was pretty crazy. Not that he was complaining. He had made some good commissions lately.

As they were gathered around the kitchen table, Yuma was sleeping in his room down the hall, Leah eyed Jacob constantly, which made him a bit nervous. He better just get over it and let her know the "news." "I am going out tomorrow night," he told Leah hesitantly, while chewing on a huge forkful of Leah's delicious omelet, only to notice a huge grin on her face.

"What?" he said. "It means nothing. It's only for one night anyway. I just want to get Embry off my ass is all."

"Sure, Jacob, I _heard_ all about that." Leah bit her cheeks to keep from smiling; trying to look all innocent while he knew exactly what she was referring to.

_Damn, she actually dared to snicker now, _Jacob thought as he watched Leah intently scrubbing a pan. Sam pretended to read, but Jacob saw his shoulders shake with silent laughter. _Don't play with me, Sam. I can see you trying to hide that idiotic smile behind the newspaper. _

_Damn pack mind! _He was sure Sam had a look into Embry's mind again. Not that Embry ever tried not to think about his misery.

Jacobgrew more uncomfortable by the minute and decided that he was full, just to get out of this kitchen. "Thanks for the breakfast," he muttered and went down the hall to check on his son. Yuma's room seemed to be a much safer place right now he was sure.

_Damn these dreams to hell and back! Why can't I get her out of my head? _he fumed, but then he heard Yuma call out.

"Hey, you're awake!" Jacob said, and opened Yuma's door, greeted by the hugest smile ever. His heart leaped up into his throat. Yuma rolled around and sat up in his crib, stretching his chubby arms straight at him. Clearly he was happy to see his daddy and wanted to get out of his bed as fast as possible.

"Come here, champ!" He hurriedly picked his baby up, peppering several kisses on his sweet face, then bubble blowing kisses onto his neck, causing Yuma to laugh out loud and wiggle in his arms happily. _Now, this is the best sound in the world,_ he thought with love swelling his heart.

"Guess what we are going to do today?" Jacob asked, throwing Yuma up in the air, causing more laughter from him. "We are going to visit Grandpa Billy," he announced. "I'll be back in about two hours, and then, off we go."

He placed Yuma on his arm, letting him hop up and down, while supporting his back. "Now let's get you something to eat and tell mommy to pack some of your things." Yuma squealed and showed off his four small teeth, which made him look cute as a button.

His heart swelled immediately with pride and love for his son. "Let's get you some food, champ," he cooed to Yuma while slowly walking back to the kitchen.

At 2:00 PM on the dot, Jacob was at 200 Willow Ave, waiting for his customer to show up. He was dressed in his usual job attire, white dress shirt, black jeans, and black boots. Minutes later, a white Mustang turned around the corner and a young man, not much older than himself, climbed out. They shook hands and he led the man inside the house. During the tour through the house, the man told him that he was planning to move in with his girlfriend who was finishing college by this summer.

_Must be nice,_ he thought, feeling a sting in his heart. He wondered if he would ever be that lucky again to find someone he would want to spend his life with. He seriously doubted it. He clamped down on that thought, not allowing himself to go there again. He had a job to do right now and later he'd be with Yuma. There was no time for brooding.

As soon as the meeting was over he drove back to Sam and Leah's. He was relieved that his client had liked the house, and it looked good that he would close another deal this month.

.

~oOo~

.

"You can call me any time, Jake," Leah said as she gave him a bag with several sets of spare clothes, diapers, some toys, and two bottles of milk. "I pumped some of my milk again, when Yuma gets hungry, and doesn't want to eat his cereal. He's a little picky sometimes and prefers my milk. Remember, you have to put these into the fridge as soon as you get home, Jake, so the milk won't spoil."

"Leah, you explained this to me the last couple of times already. I still remember, okay." Jacob called out starting to feel annoyed. He wouldn't let Yuma starve for God's sake.

"And don't heat it in the microwave," she went on regardless. "Just place the bottle under the hot faucet for a couple of minutes; and do remember Jake, you have to check the temperature before you give it him, you got that?"

Jacob nodded and decided to just stay quiet, as long as she just would leave already. Finally, Leah was done explaining to him everything in the slightest detail.

Carefully, Jake put the car seat in his truck and buckled Yuma in. Leah and Sam both kissed Yuma one last time as Yuma looked around with wide eyes. As soon as Jake drove down Leah's driveway, Yuma started to squeal and laugh.

Jake knew how much his son enjoyed going out and so he was starting to sing some nursery rhyme to him. "The Itsy Bitsy spider went up the water spout...down came the rain and washed the spider out...up came the sun and...," Yuma's eyes focused on his face intently now, cracking a huge smile with clear recognition, as he immediately tried to sing as well.

Naturally, nobody would be able to understand anything he said, but his cute baby-squeals were adorable. Jacob enjoyed every moment of it.

As he drove home, all the while animatedly singing and telling Yuma what he was seeing outside, "Look, birdies, oh, biiiig trees... Oh wow! Yuma, look, I see a bunny rabbit," he kept telling Yuma. He had to laugh when he noticed how excitingly Yuma was swinging his arms around and how cute he sounded trying to talk, as he was pointing his chubby finger in all directions.

Gosh, he loved entertaining him, but truly, Yuma was entertaining _him_ a great deal. Today, he felt happier than he had in a very long time.

"Now, let me quickly change my clothes and then we will play a little," Jacob said when they arrived at his house.

He walked into his bedroom, sat Yuma down in the middle of his large bed, gave him one of his wooden toys, and went to his dresser, pulling a fresh tee shirt and a fresh pair of jeans out of his closet.

By the time, he'd slipped out of his dress shirt Yuma had crawled towards the edge of the bed. Jacob leaped forward, saving his son from tumbling of the bed. "Whoa, easy there, Yuma. Didn't know you were that fast already."

He put Yuma down on the floor, which seemed to be a much safer place at the moment. "There, now you can play a little." There was not much of a chance that something could happen to him on the floor.

Jacob turned around to fetch his jeans. As he pulled them on, he heard a crash. He whirled around and found Yuma sitting by his nightstand, the cable of the bedside lamp still in his hand. Yuma had yanked on the cord and caused the lamp to crash down. Yuma looked at Jacob in shock. He took in a huge breath, opened his mouth and started to cry.

"Oh no, Yuma... Did you get scared?" Jacob picked up his frightened son and pulled him to his chest, hugging him comfortingly. "It's okay, honey. Ssshh, come on... Don't cry." He walked through his room, caressing and rocking Yuma gently.

Slowly, Yuma's crying subsided, and Jacob realized he had to make his house baby safe, now that Yuma hopefully would come over more frequently and since he had gotten so active.

.

~oOo~

.

Once he arrived at Billy's place, he parked his truck and carried Yuma inside. "Here we go, young man. This will be a blast, what do you say? Your grandpa will be so happy that I brought you along for a visit," he cooed, while kissing Yuma's hands gently.

"Grandpa, we're here," Jake called out towards his dad, who sat on the porch already, waiting for them.

"Where is my big boy?" Billy said, while grinning from ear to ear. He stretched his arms out, waiting for Yuma to get close enough so he could pick him up from his car-seat.

Jacob noticed how happy Yuma looked seeing his granddad.

Yuma didn't hesitate for a moment. There was no stranger anxiety; he immediately wanted to go to Billy. Jacob knew that Billy had been around Yuma regularly, and he was very happy about that. Unlike himself, Billy had not flaked out of his Grandpa duties.

He shook his head. Nope, he was not going to go there right now. Things had changed, and he'd made sure to show his dad that he could be a good father to Yuma. Jacob pushed Billy's wheelchair into the house, Yuma riding on Billy's knees.

What a picture it provided; he couldn't stop smiling at the pair. Yuma's hands went straight to his father's face, grabbing him tightly with his chubby hands and Billy blowing on them, playfully shaking his head back and forth, causing Yuma to burst out in giggles.

"So, Yuma, what would you like to do this afternoon?" Billy finally asked his grandson. "Hmm... Let's see what our options are. We could play in the living room until your father is finished fixing us something to eat. Or, we could go into Forks. They have a small Town Fair going on today."

Jake smiled at his dad, knowing he was only joking about him fixing a meal. D_amn_, at least he hoped so. His cooking skills had never been great, and that hadn't changed since he'd moved out and into his own house. Most of the time, he simply heated up frozen meals or ordered pizza.

"The fair sounds great, dad," he answered. He was sure Yuma would enjoy a ride on the merry-go-round. Jacob had no problem squeezing his large frame into one of those horse carriages even when it would make him look like a fool.

"I thought so, son," Billy said with a smile around his lips.

.

~oOo~

.

Finally, after Jacob was laden with a big teddy bear, which he had won at one of the shooting booths, and after he acquired an arm full of candy and popcorn, they decided to call it a day. All three of them were exhausted but happy.

It had been an afternoon filled with love, play and laughter, and it hadn't taken long for Yuma to fall asleep as soon as was put back into his car-seat. They headed back to La Push to drop Billy off first.

Jacob helped Billy to get into the house, as he caught him yawning. He playfully elbowed him lightly and joked, "Time for babies and old men to go to sleep."

"I'll show you old man!" Billy laughed and pushed his wheelchair forward, ramming his son in the ankles.

"Man, why do you always have to do this," Jacob complained, but laughed as well, and bent down to give his dad a hug. "Thanks, dad. I had a great day. Feels good to be back..." He said when he felt Billy's knuckles on his head. "Ouch." He laughed. "That's it. I'm out of here, and hey, don't eat all that candy at once!"

"Sure. Sure." Billy said. "Go and get Yuma home. Hope to see you around soon, son. I really missed you, you know? Tell Leah and Sam I said 'hi' for me will you?"

"Will do," Jacob promised Billy and hurried back to his truck, smiling. As he climbed into his truck, his cell phone rang. "Leah, I'm on my way," he said, answering his phone, and started his truck.

"We're stuck here, Jake. There was an accident and the road is closed," Leah informed him, sounding anxious. "I don't know how long it will take. Do you think you can keep Yuma for a little while longer?"

"It's okay, Leah. Of course I can keep Yuma. Are you alright?" Jacob turned to check on Yuma, who started to stir and stretch.

"We're okay. Don't worry about us. How's Yuma right now?"

"I think Yuma's about to wake up. We were at the fair in Forks, and he fell asleep on the way back to La Push. What do you suggest I should do with him now?" Jacob was confident he could entertain Yuma a while longer before Leah got home.

"Shall I phase and run home, I can do that, you know?" Leah sounded really worried, and Jacob heard Sam tell her to calm down.

"No. You really don't need to. We're getting along very well," Jacob answered, and then Leah instructed him to draw Yuma a bath, feed him his cereal and prepare him for bed.

"Jake, call me if need be. Or ask Sue to come over when he gives you trouble."

Suddenly, Sam was on the phone. "Jake, I'm sure you'll handle it quite well. Leah's just being a little paranoid. So don't worry, she'll be just fine, man." He laughed and ended the call.

Jacob snorted and shoved his phone into his jeans pocket. Then he said to his son, who was looking at him sleepily, "Hey, little man. Did you have a good nap? Mommy will come home a little later, but guess what? Daddy will stay for your bath." _Bathing Yuma would be interesting. _He felt slightly nervous about it, but was determined to complete this task just perfectly. After all, how hard could it be to bathe a little baby anyway?

The evening then turned out...interesting. Jacob brought Yuma inside and played with him for a while. When Yuma got cranky, he'd tried to feed him, but the cereal landed everywhere but inside his son's stomach, and a bath was now desperately needed - for both of them.

So Jacob had filled the big tub instead of Yuma's tiny one and they took their bath together. First he stripped all of his clothes off then he took Yuma's off. The warm water definitely seemed to sooth both of them. It felt so good being submerged in the water and watching Yuma all happy. In fact, Yuma got all hyper and made quite a mess, splashing the water all over the place. Of course, Jacob might have helped him a little with the splashing.

When they were finished, they had gotten water all over the floor. There would be a lot of cleaning up to do once Yuma would be asleep. He'd better hurry with that before Leah and Sam got back.

Jacob wrapped his son in a big towel, slipped into his jeans one-handed while balancing Yuma on one hip, then carried him into his room to find him his Schlafi (PJ's). Yuma was _really _cranky by now. He wiggled and squirmed around, clearly announcing his displeasure on the top of his voice and making his father break out in sweat.

"Are you hungry? You want me to warm up your milk? Mommy said you'd prefer her milk over the cereal..." With Yuma situated on his hip, Jacob went into the kitchen to get the milk out of the fridge. Luckily, Leah had some extra milk stored on the top shelf. He heated the milk under the hot stream of water from the faucet, just like Leah had told him he should.

Jacob made himself comfortable on the couch with his still protesting son in his arms. He leaned back and smiled, when Yuma reached for the bottle and greedily pulled it to his mouth. "Boy, you sure are hungry," he spoke softly, getting a little sleepy as well.

Once Yuma finished drinking, Jacob remembered that he needed to burp him, and he placed Yuma over his shoulder, gently rubbing his back.

With a sigh, Yuma softened against his body, his tiny fingers playing with the neckline of his daddy's shirt. Then came the burp, and Yuma contently snuggled against him.

"There... Good job, son," Jacob told Yuma lovingly and placed him back onto his chest. He grabbed a blanket from the foot of the couch and spread it over both of them. Yuma almost instantly fell asleep, his father's heart beat providing Yuma with comfort and security.

Kissing his son good night, Jacob reflected back on the great day he had shared with his dad and Yuma. He was determined to continue on this very path.

His eyes drooped as he grew tired. It was just too comfortable laying here with Yuma snuggled in his arms. He told himself to get up and clean the bathroom and the kitchen, but he didn't want to risk waking up Yuma and he was so, so tired. A tiny nap wouldn't hurt, or would it?

His son's soft snoring slowly lulled him to sleep and when he drifted off, his last coherent thoughts were with Bella and how much he wished she could be here with him.

.

~oOo~

.

When Leah and Sam came home, they found Jake fast asleep. They weren't particularly quiet, but Jacob still didn't hear them. He had his arms protectively wrapped around Yuma, his long legs stretched out, his head lolled back at what looked like an uncomfortable angle.

Leah approached slowly, while her heart softened at the sight. Sam followed close behind her and Leah noticed that he was about to kick Jake's feet off the couch when Leah shushed him right away. "Wait, Sam, just look how peaceful they look," she told him quietly.

"He looks beat. And the house is a mess...It seems Yuma kept him quite busy." Sam walked into the kitchen and started cleaning up the mess Jacob and Yuma had left behind.

Leah went to the bathroom and found a similar mess. She quickly hung up the bathroom rugs and towels and pulled the bathtub plug, before going back into their living room.

She took another look at Jacob's face, recognizing that even in his sleep Jacob looked haunted and tense. She didn't like it one bit. She cared for him so deeply. She felt remorse bubble up in her chest once more for the unfortunate events that took place that fateful morning when Yuma had gotten sick and she discovered that Bella had spent the night with Jacob.

She had come to realize that she probably was overreacting that morning but she also remembered how hurt and mad she had felt that he had let _her _come into his life again, after everything that she had done to him over 2 ½ years before.

She sighed heavily. If only she could do something to make him feel better. She'd apologized and he'd forgiven her, but she felt it wasn't enough.

Leah was beginning to fear that maybe he was too hung up on Bella to ever fall in love with another woman. The day they she forced him to clean up and talk to her she'd suggested he call Bella and clear things up, maybe even try to see her to talk things out. He'd gotten mad again and started to yell at her. He'd never run after her ever again, he'd said. She'd leave it at that, for now.

"Are you ready, Leah?" Sam asked, pulling her out of her thoughts, and came to stand behind her. "Let's go to bed, darling."

Leah leaned into Sam's chest as he wrapped his arms around her. "Yeah, let's get some sleep. She bent down to pick up Yuma so she could get him fed one more time before she put him down for the night.

As soon as Leah touched Yuma, Jacob started to growl menacingly and his hold on Yuma tightened. "Ah, hush, Jake. It's only us," Leah said, but pulled her hands back. She smirked and leaned down to hiss into Jacob's ear, "Stop growling at your pup's mommy, you overprotective mutt!"

"What?...Who?" Jacob startled and opened his eyes, looking around him a little confused, while hiding little Yuma in his chest. Finally, he focused on Leah and Sam. "Oh. You're home," he said. "Did I fall asleep?"

He looked down at Yuma, stroking his soft cheek oh-so-gently. "Okay, my little fella. It's time for you to go to bed, and it's definitely time for me to go home now. It's been such a long day but don't worry, Daddy will come get you soon again, okay?" Jacob gently whispered into Yuma's hear, while kissing it softly, then he looked up at both Leah and Sam with questioning eyes.

"Okay, if you like," Leah answered. "Just call us in a couple of days."

.

~oOo~

.

On his drive home, Jacob remembered that he had promised Embry to go out with him the next day. The mere thought of it gave him the shivers, he really did not want to go. _Better get it done and over with, _he thought with a frown. _But Em better stay the fuck away from me after tomorrow..._

.

~oOo~

.

.

**A/N: Please keep in mind the time laps between Jake and Bella at the moment. This chapter actually is before Leah calls Bella. **

**Bella already is within the 5 months after she left Jake again, Jake still needs to 'get there'. **

**We wish you all a Merry Christmas if you're celebrating it. **

**CU around.**


	15. Trying

**Disclaimer:****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Thank you guys for continued reading our story and I'm really sorry for the long wait. Things will start to develop in a different direction soon, so let's see how things will pan out. We hope you'll enjoy!**

**Also, thank you to ****JUL5857****and ****joanne swift ****for taking the time, care and dedication to beta for us. You are appreciated! Thank you to all of my readers who took the time to review and leave their love and critics. I really appriciate that. I apologize for not responding to your reviews. Live is really crazy over here right now... so well... I... I... I just didn't respond. I'm sorry.  
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**Hostage of Love**

**Chapter 14**

**_"Trying"_**

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On his drive home, Jacob remembered that he had promised Embry to go out with him the next day. The mere thought of it gave him the shivers, he really did not want to go. _Better get it done and over with,_ he thought with a frown. _But Em better stay the fuck away from me after tomorrow..._

_.  
_

_~oOo~_

_.  
_

He slept in, but woke up all hot and bothered after having another sex dream starring Bella. So he took matters in his own hands, literally, once again before getting up.

That had helped only a little, since he needed another round of jerking off in his shower as he still was hard and horny, but he didn't feel much more relieved when he got out of the shower, either.

He was annoyed to say the least. He hadn't had a real fuck in a very long time, several months in fact, and he'd never had any other women than Leah and Bella. As much as he couldn't imagine moving on, he needed an outlet. The sex wouldn't have to mean anything. He wouldn't even need to bother with dating, if he didn't want to.

After a quick breakfast, he quickly checked on Billy, who was more than happy to see Jacob on a regular basis again, and then he lazed through the rest of the day.

When it was time to meet up with Embry and Quil, Jacob dressed in faded blue jeans and a white tee. _That will have to do,_ _damn you, Embry!_

He couldn't believe he let Embry actually sucker him in to go to a bar and find a lay. _You need a real fuck,_ he had taunted. _I truly wish I could simply go on with my life and forget about her, everything would be so much easier all around._

He felt his foul mood return, but he decided quickly he better shake it off. That's all he needed to allow himself to fall back into that shitty mood and dwell on _her_ again.

Before he had another minute to think, he heard Embry's and Quil's arrival. He was sure that there was not one single person in the entire La Push area who did not hear them arrive - the music screamed at him from a mile away. Their laughter echoed through the woods and as they came closer, he even heard their lame jokes.

With screeching tires they skirted right in front of him, dust flying everywhere. "Fuck, I can't wait for this evening to be over with, and don't you dare say a word right now, Call," Jake warned as soon as they jumped out of their car. "Damn, look at me, you morons," Jake barked at them, as he needed to dust his shirt and Jeans off.

Embry slapped him on his back. "Dude, this will be epic, is all I am saying, so calm down," he quickly said when he noticed the unnerved gleam in his brother's eye.

"Sure, sure," he responded calmer. Jacob recognized Embry and Quil's genuine excitement and anticipation to spend the evening together. It had been a very long time indeed since their last night out.

"Jake, you won't regret it. Don't you trust your oldest friends, man?" Quil grinned at him, pure mischief in his eyes.

How could he not roll his eyes at that comment? "Alright. Listen guys, I will just try to enjoy myself, but don't push me too much, is all I am saying, you hear?"

They drove to Port Angeles, using his truck as he didn't intend to drink. Quil turned up his stereo to an ear deafening level and all three of them ended up singing "_Ayo Technology"_ by Milo. Jacob couldn't believe his ears as his brothers sang along with their screeching voices.

"She work it girl, she work the pole. She break it down, she take it low. She's fine as hell, she's about the dough, Doin' her thing right on the floor.

"And money money she's makin'. Look at the way she's shakin'. Make you wanna touch her, wanna taste her. Have you lustin' for her. Goin' crazy, face it..."

_You got to be kidding me._ Jacob simply had to laugh out loud. He was now convinced that these two guys were trying to kill him with their singing.

He did indeed miss the times he used to spend with these two. Maybe there was a chance that he could forget for a few hours and let loose.

Inside the club it was noisy and way too crowded for Jacob's liking, the stench of sweat and alcohol bothering his nostrils. After they took their seats in a booth close to the stage, Quil and Embry were dying to see those hot female singers, and while Jacob nursed his Coke, his mind drifted again and he wondered, what the hell he was doing here anyway. As the evening proceeded he watched his friends rock it up on the dance floor, as he constantly dodged the advances of several girls trying to get him to dance as well.

When finally this all-girl band entered the stage, Quil and Embry were so thrilled, Jacob thought they had totally forgotten that he was even there, and so was about to go to the bar. He was annoyed by their crude shouts and cat-calls, and for once he didn't want to be associated with them.

"No way, man. Where do you think you're going?" Quil reached out and gripped his arm the second he sneaked out of the booth.

"Now look at those chicks, Jake. I bet the redhead there is sporting at least a D-cup." Embry said and gestured with his hands as if he was fondling that woman's boobs.

The singer with the large boobs caught Embry staring and gesturing. She tripled closer to the edge of the stage, sang at him and shook her chest to make her boobs shimmy.

Embry was salivating.

"You're acting worse than a thirteen year old teenager, man," Jacob hissed disgustedly.

Quil swiftly nudged him into his side and pointed towards the dance floor. "Jake, what about that leggy blonde over there? She's practically eye-fucking you ever since we got here."

Jacob took a look at the woman Quil was talking about. Heavy make-up covered her face, her nails were painted in a slutty red, and her skirt was so short, her ass was practically hanging out of it. He shuddered. "No thank you, Quil. I wouldn't touch her with a ten-foot pole. Not my type alright?"

"Not your type, Jake? What the fuck? Who cares? As long as she is willing to spread her legs for you, you need to hit it, man! I told you I will take care of you, you need to get laid."

He was so annoyed by this point he was about to explode. "I don't need the two of you to set me up. I'm damn well capable of finding me my own fuck." He flipped them off and sprinted to the bar to have another Coke before heading home. So much for staying calm and trying to enjoy his evening with those two morons.

He took a seat on one open bar stool and sat down, forcing the trembling in his arms and legs to stop. He ordered a fresh Coke, while scowling into his glass when it finally stood before him.

"What's got your pants in a twist, beautiful? You sure you don't need something stronger than that Coke?" a husky female voice asked, and a slender arm invaded his private space, shoving a filled shot glass in front of him.

"I don't drink," he grumbled roughly, and shoved the drink away without looking up.

"Is that right?" the voice asked, and he finally looked up, meeting the curious gaze of the female bartender. She had her bare arms propped up on the counter top, the position bringing his attention to her cleavage that was about to spill out of the low-cut shirt she was wearing. Her hair was dyed bright red with what looked like blue highlights streaked through, colorful tattoos covered her arms, neck and cleavage - she even had a tiny, intricate design tattooed on her left temple.

"Pity," she said and tossed the drink down her throat, before preparing drinks for some of her other waiting customers. Jacob focused back to his Coke, but couldn't stop casting a glance at her now and then. She was energetic as she bustled about, and she clearly didn't take shit from anyone. Several times she was hit on by men, but she brushed them of with a hard look or a snarly comment, and suddenly Jacob found himself intrigued with her.

Maybe she was the lay he was looking for. As soon as this thought entered his mind, he grew hard.

The next time she looked at him, he let his eyes wander over her body blatantly, and he shifted a little, adjusting himself not too discreetly.

She licked her lips, and put a little more sway in her steps while continuing serving her drinks. Finally, she came back to where he stood. "Actually...when I said you needed something stronger, I had something different in mind," she whispered into his ear while her tongue took a bold lick of his earlobe.

She brushed a strand of her hair out of her face. Her body language revealed that she definitely seemed interested, willing and hot enough.

He almost laughed at her comment, little did she know. He still was aggressive and in a foul mood. This combined with his horniness was a dangerous combination. She would be in for one hell of a ride. [...]

He would not even try to hold back. He sensed that she would be able to take him easily enough. Yes, it might be worth it. He couldn't stand this pressure anymore as it was.

Jacob leaned in. His hot breath grazed her neck when he spoke, "The question is," he raised an eyebrow, "Can you handle me?" He watched her lick her lips in slow motion. [...]

"Listen..." she purred, and ran a finger over his forearm. "What's your name, beautiful?"

"Jay," he offered.

"Listen, Jay." She pointed toward several waiting customers. "I need to get those guys their drinks. Don't even move a muscle, darling."

[...] "When do you get off?" he asked roughly.

"Not before the morning, but I'll take my break now. See that door over there? Meet me there in about five minutes." She turned around and walked over to the other bartender, exchanging a few words with her.

Slowly he got up from his bar stool and headed toward the corner of the bar she had directed him to go.

_[…scene taken out…]_

Without another word he returned to the bar. She had actually disgusted him, but most of all he was disgusted with himself. With one large gulp he emptied his Coke and turned to seek Em and Quil out.

He needed to get the fuck out of there.

.

~oOo~

.

As the weeks went by, his days always followed the same routine.

He'd go to work, go on his patrols and take care of pack business. He'd visit his dad, drive him to his doctor's appointments, occasionally clean the house for him or even cook him a meal. He'd be at Leah and Sam's several times a week to play with Yuma. Every other weekend, he'd have Yuma to stay over.

The weekends he had to himself he'd busy himself with work or patrolling. Now and then, he'd go out with Quil and Embry just to do them the favor, but he never looked for any girls anymore when he was out with them. He kept his 'episodes' to himself.

Lately, he had taken to running. It seemed a great outlet for his restlessness and after hours of running his body finally seemed exhausted enough so he would find some restless sleep for a couple of hours. The dreams, however, were always the same.

He knew he wore himself down, physically and emotionally. The excessive running and sleep deprivation eventually took a toll on him. Even though his body was more muscular then ever, his reflexes sharper then a razor blade, he looked and felt exhausted. He also was not eating well or even enough. He was not supplying himself with enough calories to sustain such a rigorous exercise routine, doubled with lack of sleep. He was abusing his own body. His features changed; his face looked haggard and his complexion looked grey. The circles under his eyes never seemed to fade as he pushed himself harder and harder.

He widened the radius of his patrols. While he didn't allow the pack to run past the perimeter outside of La Push and Forks, he'd cover an area that stretched into the borders of Canada and beyond.

If the physical pressure got too much and he needed to release the sexual tension he knew what to do and there was no shortage of willing women.

Somehow, there had to be a way to forget about _her_. He only had to try hard enough, and then he would eventually feel better. Or so he always hoped.

.

~oOo~

.

Before dawn broke, Jacob woke up to Yuma spread across his bed.

Jacob woke up a little bit more, blinking when a few stray rays of sunlight started to flicker over his face. He felt Yuma's tender weight on his chest. His little boy looked so content and peaceful. He smiled down at him gently.

The change in Yuma's breathing pattern told him, his baby was about to wake up. He watched his little boy move his fingers and clench his hands, before stretching his arms and legs. Then, Yuma squirmed, made the sweetest squealing noise and started to smack his lips. Opening his dark brown eyes, Yuma's head shot up. Their eyes locked.

"Dada," Yuma said, smiling all over his face and showing off his tiny teeth.

"Yeah, champ. Sleep well?" Jacob rasped, overwhelmed by Yuma's sunny greeting. And had the kid really called him _Daddy_? He got a little tight around his chest.

After some minutes of cuddling and playing with Yuma, he got up to get himself and Yuma ready for the day. He planned on spending it at the beach, and he wanted to visit his dad and show his son to Rachel, who had graduated from college and had returned to La Push a few days ago.

They had breakfast - Yuma had finally discovered that food was a great thing - and then Jacob brought his son to the beach right behind his house. It was always quiet there. The pack knew to leave him alone. It was one part of the beach he had all to himself. Tourists weren't allowed there, either, as this was private property of the rez.

He built a sandcastle for his son, whereas Yuma had more fun crawling through the sand and destroying what Jacob built, but it was a lot of fun for them anyway. Around noon, Yuma got tired and after the little man had his fill of tiny sandwiches, apples and cucumbers, he fell asleep on Jacob's knees.

As soon as Jacob stepped through the door of his father's house, he put on his happy face, even when he didn't feel like it He was surprised to see that Rachel had finally come down to LaPush for a weekend visit. It's been a very long time since she last showed up. He gave his sister a big hug and slapped his father on the back before dropping Yuma in his father's lap.

"Oh, my God! Look at you, Jake. You're huge. Rachel squealed. "And that must be my little nephew...Aren't you the cutest thing ever?" She dropped beside Billy's wheelchair and began joking with Yuma.

Only a couple of minutes later it was clear that Rachel had fallen in love with Yuma. However, Jacob caught her glancing back and forth between him and his son all the time.

Rachel eventually couldn't hide her curiosity anymore. "Are you okay, Jake? Dad told me you didn't take it very well when Leah broke up with you..." "

Jacob rolled his eyes. At least, nobody outside of the pack knew about his _encounter_ with Bella Swan and Jacob intended to keep it that way. He shrugged and played it down. "Well...you know how it is...first love and all..."

Rachel took Yuma in her arms and tickled him. Yuma giggled.

"And," Rachel asked without really looking at him. "Are you over her now? Did you find yourself a new girlfriend? Going steady with someone?"

Jacob laughed. It came out a little forced. He knew that Billy saw right through him, but Rachel didn't recognize it. "Nope, sis. Yuma is all I need right now."

"I've heard that you've been drinking for quite a while," she stated then.

"Sorry, sis, but you hightailed it first chance you got. I don't know where this concerns you," he spat angrily.

"Jacob," Billy warned and rolled closer, touching Jacob's arm slightly. "I don't want you to start a fight."

"I don't know what makes her think she can come here and nose about." Jacob felt his control slowly slip away. Only Yuma stopped him from getting loud and storm out of the house.

"You're my brother, Jake. I'm just concerned about you. That's all," Rachel said with a frown.

He narrowed his eyes. "You weren't too concerned when you left with Becca five years ago. You weren't too concerned leaving a thirteen year old to fend for himself and his sick father!" He was vibrating with anger.

"I had a scholarship, Jake! It would have been stupid to turn it down..." Rachel defended herself, and Jacob knew she actually was right. However, it didn't diminish his innermost feeling that everyone he cared about was only ever leaving him.

He rubbed his eyes tiredly and nodded, before taking Yuma from her and sitting down on the worn out sofa. "Yeah, yeah...whatever," he mumbled and buried his face in the crook of Yuma's neck, deeply inhaling his son's sweet, comforting scent.

.

~oOo~

.

When Jacob dropped Yuma back off at home, Leah once again noticed the dark circles under Jake's eyes. She tried to talk to him, but he gave her a tight smile and said he was okay. Leah didn't buy it. She knew him too well.

He truly had turned out to be such a caring and loving father to Yuma. She fully trusted him now to take care of their son.

Regardless of that, Jacob couldn't hide his pain from her. Leah knew he was trying to move on, but it was evident that he miserably failed in his attempt to do so. She knew he had gone out more than a few times within the last several weeks, but he would never reveal to anyone where he was going. This bothered her to no end.

Leah contemplated on more than one occasion to simply follow him, but Sam stopped her every time. Leah knew Sam was right when he had told her to stay out of Jacob's affairs, but she couldn't stop worrying about him.

Jacob exuded an aura of darkness and hopelessness that frightened her. Seeing him like this was even worse than his drinking binges months before. It all seemed to have started when Embry and Quil had taken him out. From that day on, Jacob seemed to disappear on his own regularly and refused to tell anyone where he was going.

She had cornered both of their brothers, demanding what the fuck went on that first night but both had sworn up and down that Jake had a great time and that he got to fuck some chick. Both had also vehemently denied that neither one of them knew where Jake spent his secret nights at.

She was not buying that Jake had enjoyed himself, then or now, if anything he seemed to be beating himself up - more so than ever before.

.

~oOo~

.

_...He closed his eyes as the blond woman moved above him. [...]_

His body only temporarily relaxed, after his semi-regular fucks, but his state of mind was not in a very healthy place. He had hoped that finding willing girls and getting his much needed physical release his body seemed to be needing so badly would help him forget, or at least lessen his dreams. No such luck, _she_ was still haunting him in all of his dreams.

He wasn't enjoying those fucks, nor was he enjoying any of the willing participants. He could have had any of these girls if he cared to, but he could not even stand to think about such a possibility. _Hell no!_

There was only one girl he really wanted and needed, but he could not have her.

His frustration instantly at its peak again, caused his head to throb like a bitch.

"Fuck".

Carelessly, he shoved the sheet aside and got up to dress. The blonde was still laying there with a hopeful expression on her face that he might stay a little longer this time. He really did not care. In fact, he'd spent too many times with her already. He was so done fucking her. He didn't want to plant the slightest illusions in her head or in any of the other girls' heads, he fucked regularly.

_...Lately, he had a hard time enjoying sex at all. The short moment when he let go didn't give him satisfaction anymore. Only a few moments of peace of mind and soothing numbness he was granted and then, he needed to move and leave feeling all cold inside, unsatisfied, and lonely..._

He would drive further and further away from LaPush in the hope to find some kind of absolution, in the hope that maybe he would cross paths with someone he could care about, but he never did. Only very temporarily his body felt a little more relaxed, but his conscience always felt like shit. He knew it was all useless.

_...Sometimes, when his fantasies became too vivid, he forgot that he was in bed with another woman. Sometimes, he came, calling out her name._

_"Bella..."_

_.  
_

_.  
_

The only joy he had left was Yuma. He was trying so hard to be there for his son and to provide for him in an appropriate way. But he also realized that Sam played an important role in Yuma's life, after all, he was there for him day and night. He knew Yuma loved Sam a lot.

He felt his whole life slipping by him, and he could do nothing to stop it.

.

~oOo~

.

Leah was standing by Jacob's front door, Yuma sitting on her hip and his large diaper bag hung over her shoulder. She was about to knock, when she suddenly heard him cuss. It came from the woods in the back of his house. She stopped in her tracks, listening intently, and finally decided to walk around the house to see what the hell he was up to now.

What she saw worried and angered her all the same. Jacob was chopping down a huge tree with an ax with unrestrained force, all the while cursing... _Bella_? His muscles were straining. His skin was glistening from perspiration. He looked worse then ever. She hadn't seen him without his shirt in a while and what she saw shocked her. He looked bad, real bad. His body, while still strong and muscular, seemed somehow more pronounced, thinner and sort of..._scrawny?_ How could that be? What was he doing to himself?

She feared he was destroying his body and soul, slowly but surely. And there she thought he was getting better. He had promised her, not too long ago, that he was getting much better. Only the other day, she tried to get some information out of him, when she noticed the dark circles under his eyes. He had assured her right away and told her he was just working too much lately.

He had been lying to her the whole time. It was now clear as day to her that he looked like a destroyed man, a man who did not care anymore, but she'd been too blind to recognize it in her hope he was making progress.

"Jake?" she called, but he didn't hear her. So she called again.

He turned around and looked at her. His eyes were bloodshot.

As soon as he recognized her with Yuma he quickly acted all normal. "Hey, Leah. You're here already? Hey, buddy. How you doing today?" He took Yuma and tickled him until he laughed.

But it was too late, she saw with her own eyes that he had been bullshitting her the whole time. _Better, my ass,_ she thought and so she proceeded to action. He was going to answer to her now.

"Jake. You and I... We're going to talk. Now," she belted out.

"What's wrong Leah? Is Yuma alright? Wait, I'll be right with you guys. Let me just finish getting some firewood."

"Stop, Jacob Black. Just stop. Let's go, I have some things to say to you." She whipped around and stormed into the house.

Reluctant, Jacob followed her into the house. He felt a little embarrassed as well that Leah saw him that way. He could only hope that she did not hear him cussing like a sailor, she had their son with her after all.

As soon as he entered the house Leah whipped around and gave him a look that would have put most people running for dear life. But it did not bother him in the least.

He turned his back to her, looking for Yuma. She had placed him into his bed. _Guess he was tired, my little boy,_ Jacob thought.

He had no choice then to turn back to Leah, his face getting hard once more.

"It's _her_ isn't it, Black?" Leah announced as soon as she had his attention.

Jake looked at Leah, anger and frustration reflecting on his face. "So what? It's none of your business, Leah. Stay out of it."

Jacob had turned away from her, only to turn around slowly and looking straight into Leah's eyes. "I try every single moment of every single day to forget her, alright? You have no idea what I go through, how hard it is to always pretend that I am over her, you hear? I am NOT over her. I am trying so hard to deal with this and nothing has worked yet, she is always right - THERE," he shouted as he stabbed his finger to his heart. "So now you know the truth, you can leave me the hell alone and do yourself a favor, save the pity for someone else," he demanded.

Leah was shocked at his open submission, she did not even know what to say to him right now. Her heart ached for him.

"Okay, Jake..." she said hesitantly. "Are you alright to keep Yuma this afternoon? I have some errands to run. I'll be back in a few hours." She knew that he needed some time to calm down now, and Yuma would help him do just that.

_Damn! He can't get Swan out of his mind, no matter what._ Leah's thoughts were running wild while she drove home. She had had this suspicion for a while now, but did not dare to even mention it to Sam yet. _She seems to be permanently burned into his heart and mind._

_Damn, if I wouldn't know better I'd think he imprinted on her. What to do now? If I only knew how to make it better for him._ She needed to talk to Sam...soon.

.

~oOo~

.

_Bella hesitantly put the phone to her ear. "Hello"? "Hey," a female voice at the other end of the line said, causing Bella to instantly feel dizzy as she felt her blood draining from her head. She knew that voice all too well._

"_It's Leah. I think we need to talk!"_

Her head started to pound. Her heart beat fast. She felt tight in her chest. Suddenly, she seemed to have difficulty breathing. _This couldn't be happening now,_ Bella thought. She had worked too hard to forget, too hard to get her mind straight again. She couldn't allow herself to feel weak and nervous only because she heard Leah's voice over the phone.

She very vividly remembered the morning Leah had waltzed into the house, claiming her stake at Jake. She remembered the humiliation she'd felt standing half-naked in front of Jake's wife or girlfriend. She knew she'd made a huge mistake sleeping with Jake, but she clearly didn't need Leah to harp on it once again.

"Leah, I really don't think this is necessary, I can't imagine what could be that important," she said coldly and wrapped her robe around her more tightly. Then, her heart just stopped for a moment as she thought of something that might be a reason for Leah to call her on her cell in the middle of the night.

"OMG, has something happened to Jake?" she asked with panic lacing her voice. Fear crept up her spine as small beads of cold sweat started to form on her face.

"Bella, calm down. Jake is fine. Well, kind off anyway... I can't take it anymore, he is killing me."

"What? I don't think this is my business, Leah!" Bella stuttered totally confused now. Was Leah honestly calling _her_ to seek advice on relationship problems?

"Look, I know this is awkward, but there has been a huge misunderstanding... and I also owe you an apology."

"An apology, Leah? For what exactly? I don't want to interfere with your relationship any longer, so I really don't get your call right now," Bella responded and sank down on her bed. Her knees were shaking so bad she feared they might give out under her.

"I thought you were happy that I'm finally out of the picture here. I only ever wanted Jake to be happy. I'm really sorry for what we have done to you." She bit down on her lip, fighting away the tears. She hated that Leah brought back all those memories she was trying so hard to forget.

"Bella, that's exactly it! Jacob and I were never together," Leah said. "I'm with Sam, you hear me...not Jacob. Jacob is a mess. He's been a mess from the moment you ran off again."

"Wait a minute...What? You're not with Jake? But...but how is this possible? You have a baby together and you came over and I thought...I thought..."

Bella's head throbbed and her heart was beating like a hammer in her chest. She closed her eyes, and then she remembered as clear as if she was still standing in his kitchen...

_She felt his strong arms come around her, first very slowly and then he embraced her fiercely, almost crushing her in his hug. She closed her eyes and wished they never had to move for the rest of their lives. This felt so right, this felt like where she belonged all along._

.

~oOo~

.

**Please read this A/N: One of my favorite writers, Pooks79, let us know yesterday that her FF account has been closed without they gave her a warning nor a reason. Seems that FF is on a hunt for M rated fics and removing them. If you want to follow Pooks79 and her stories, come over to jacobblack-n-pack(dot)ning(dot)com (just remove the parenthese and replace the dots with periods. That is where you find me as well. Please note that the signup for that site is only for adults 18 and older. And you should put a name to the question as who referred you to JBNP, alright? It makes it easier for us admins to approve your membership. THX!**

**As for my stories... I'm too busy right now so I'm not going to upload all chapters again only to remove the lemons. So in case I'll get suspended or deleted, you know where to find me.  
**


	16. A New Friend

**Disclaimer: ****All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thank You to our wonderful beta ****joanne swift****. Without you it just wouldn't be the same.**

**A/N: First off our sincere apologies for the long wait. Both of us are very excited and committed to continue **_**Hostage of Love**_** and we are promising to bring it to a proper closing.**

**Thank you to all of you who have asked and checked in regularly about the status of our story, it means the world to both of us. Also, tons and tons of Thank You-s to everyone who reviewed. Please, don't be too mad at me for not responding. I promise, I try to be better. Each and every review encourages us and means the world!  
**

**Without further delay, here is chapter 15 for your reading pleasure. We hope you like it.**

**EyJ & JB**

* * *

**Hostage of Love**

**Chapter 15**

_**A New Friend**_

_**.**_

**.**

"_Wait a minute...What? You're not with Jake? But...but how is this possible? You have a baby together and you came over and I thought...I thought..."_

_Bella's head throbbed and her heart was beating like a hammer in her chest. She closed her eyes, and then she remembered as clear as if she was still standing in his kitchen...She felt his strong arms come around her, first very slowly and then he embraced her fiercely, almost crushing her in his hug. She closed her eyes and wished they never had to move for the rest of their lives. This felt so right, this felt like where she belonged all along._

_~EYJ & JB~_

"Do you still love him, Bella?" Leah asked, getting straight to the point.

"I...I..." Bella stuttered flummoxed. She wasn't willing to share her innermost feelings with Leah Clearwater.

It hurt that Jacob had preferred not to tell her that he wasn't in a relationship with Leah. It shouldn't be a big deal telling her that before he took her to his house. Bella had not forgotten how embarrassed she'd been, getting caught by Leah.

So her voice had a sharp edge when she asked, "Why would you care, Leah? You practically chased me out of his house. You said you weren't his girlfriend at that time, but you acted like a jealous housewife...Why did you do that?" Bella actually fumed now.

"Simmer down, Swan. I came over because Yuma had gotten sick that night and I had no one to drive me to the clinic," Leah barked back, and she was king of admiring the spunk she heard in Bella's voice.

"Look, Sam was out of town and Jake was the next best option. When I found out that you were there...damn... I smelled you a mile away in fact, I got a little upset if you will, because I was worried for Jacob. There is a history here of you hurting him, right? All I wanted to do was protect Jake, and how can that be wrong?"

Bella wanted to cut in and defend herself, but then she decided to just listen to what Leah had to say. Leah had never called her before. Something important must have happened to make Leah call her.

"OK, look, he was really in a bad place after you married that leech. I mean, he was almost beyond repair to be honest. You did a good number on him, and Jake never deserved that. I didn't want you to hurt him again. But I think I made it all worse..." Leah had said in a much calmer and friendlier tone.

Bella shook her head, and she felt her stomach burn painfully now. She had a hard time processing the information Leah had just revealed. It all sounded way too weird and how could she have been so wrong? _It had felt so right to be held by him. She belonged in Jake's arms._

Breathing seemed difficult all of a sudden. Her breath came in small gasps and she felt dizzy. The mental images were all too real. She had fought so very hard with herself to leave any thoughts of _him_ locked away in some small corner of her brain, but Jacob Black just pushed himself all the way out with a vengeance.

"Why are you calling me now after all that time? Why not earlier?" She was confused. With the memories of their night together also returned the memories of the hurtful words she had said to him the morning after, before she ran out on him again and his devastating promise in return.

"_If you leave now,"_ he had said_, "you are dead to me."_ Bella had no doubt back than that he meant every word he said. She had left with the intention to let him live his life with Leah and their son, Yuma. She had been so sure that they were a family.

She remembered how humiliating the situation had been and how truly betrayed she had felt. She had tried so hard to understand how he could he have sex with her the way he did, how he could whisper all those beautiful words into her ear and how the hell he could touch her with such love and care when he had a family? She had always come up blank. It didn't make sense. Something seemed off to her about that whole situation.

She had finally pushed all thoughts of Jacob off from her mind, needing to protect herself from the pain.

She never allowed herself to really think about what had happened, she knew she was being stubborn but she had been feeling so rejected and humiliated. Her heart started beating fast just by thinking of the situation. _Damn!_ She only ever wanted Jake to be happy.

Leah interrupted her trail of thoughts. "Bella, snap out of it and listen. Jake isn't doing too well. That's why I'm calling. You know, I really had hoped he'd get over it...over you! It would have been for the best, but no!"

Bella shivered anxiously. Jacob was still feeling something for her? But that couldn't be. He had said—

"What exactly are you feeling for him?" Leah insisted.

Bella's breath hitched and she started coughing wildly, trying to hide her inner turmoil. "I'm dead to him," she said hoarsely, after a minute or so. Her stomach was churning and her heart was pounding painfully in her chest.

"Say what?" answered Leah, clearly confused now.

"He said if I leave him again, I will be dead to him. I left, right? Plus, I told him that he was a liar and a cheat. He won't want me anymore..."

She suddenly regretted that she'd never given him the chance to explain himself. If only he would have told her the truth right away, that horrible fight and the hurtful words would never have happened.

"Oh come on. That's just Jake being overdramatic." Leah snorted.

"I will have to think about it," Bella murmured. Her hands were suddenly shaking. She was freezing.

"What would you want me to do?" she heard herself ask Leah, which was quite a shock to even her right about now. "I can't come back right now. My exams start next week..."

Leah made an impatient noise. "You could call him for a start and go from there."

_~EYJ & JB~_

A lot had happened since Leah called for the first time. They started talking on the phone on a semi regular basis. Their initial conversations usually short and not very friendly.

Eventually though, both of them started to _really_ listen to each other and both of them began to open their minds and hearts. It was without a doubt that both of them had found a new friend and ally in the other. Who would have thought!

They ended up apologizing to each other and promised to go on from there and focus on the future. A future where Jake finally could be a happy and content man.

During their talks throughout the next couple of months, Bella learned to understand how much Leah had been and still was truly concerned for Jake and that she honestly needed her to help.

Leah in return had to admit that Bella wasn't the selfish, heartless bitch she thought she was, after Bella explained herself to Leah and told her about her true feelings for Jacob, and that she came back to Forks in the hopes to make amends with Jacob and that she had hoped that he would give her another chance.

Bella also told her everything that had happened between her and Edward. She had left nothing out, and when Bella came to the point where Edward had tried to force himself on her and threatened her about the Volturi, Leah got so furious she almost phased while still on the phone. When she was coherent again to formulate meaningful sentences, Leah told Bella that she was so damn proud that she had found the courage to leave Edward in the end.

Bella had blushed and mumbled, "Sure, sure," almost breaking down crying when she realized she'd used Jake's trademark phrase.

Many of their conversations went on for hours on end, but every so often Leah would hang up saying Jacob would be coming over any minute for a meeting with Sam or to pick up Yuma. At one time, Leah joked around how she would simply give the phone to Jacob so that he and Bella were forced to talk to each other. With a sigh, both of them agreed that neither Bella nor Jacob were ready for that.

Soon, Bella was looking forward to their conversations, and she enjoyed them tremendously. They got to know each other and they truly started to care for one another. Bella never wanted to stop listening hearing Leah talk about little Yuma.

Bella, who never even imagined that Leah Clearwater had a sense of humor, found herself laughing many times about the little man's antics. Leah not only loved to talk about her son, but she also shared funny pack stories with her. Bella guessed that motherhood was the best thing that could ever have happened to Leah.

And then there was Sam, and Bella knew that Sam truly balanced her out. They were perfect for each other.

In one of their longest talks, Bella learned about the deep love and dedication Sam and Leah shared. She teared up a few times when Leah told her how Sam had finally broken his imprint to Emily, and how much it had physically hurt him to break the bond.

She was amazed to hear that Jacob and the entire pack-imprinted and unimprinted wolves likewise-completely supported Sam in his decision. She cheered when Leah told her that no matter the pain and no matter the repercussions the council threatened Sam with, he never once hesitated to pull through with it, because his heart simply belonged to her. Bella was truly touched by that.

You could say, they'd become friends, and Bella was still in awe about that, she never thought this could have been possible. Leah had a huge heart, and she was very thoughtful. Bella had learned to genuinely appreciate Leah's direct and honest approach on any topic.

Over the next several months, Leah also told her everything that was going on in Jacob's life - at least, everything that Leah was able to find out.

Jacob, being the Alpha wolf, had learned to hide almost all of his thoughts while in wolf form, and he wasn't very forthcoming in sharing his personal life and thoughts even with his closest friends. It hurt Bella to learn how much he still suffered, but his stubbornness also made her very furious.

That fury was her driving factor to finally make a move contacting Jacob, and with Leah's constant badgering, even if she only meant well, she eventually felt encouraged enough and was ready to do so. In fact, she was determined. It finally was time to straighten things out with him.

It was time to tell him everything, her reasoning and her feelings of what she had thought had happened at the time when she left him...again. She wanted, no, she _needed_ to make him understand! She wanted to make everything better for him...for both of them.

Leah encouraged her and gave her Jacob's new cell phone number. As this was his "emergency" phone that was reserved for pack and family calls only, Bella could be sure that Jacob would answer the call. Additionally, she gave Bella Jacob's work and patrol schedule for the entire upcoming week, so she would actually get him on the phone.

"But won't that get you into trouble? I mean... sharing insider information?" Bella asked while saving Jake's number in her contacts, but she felt a small sliver of hope, hope that things could be worked out between her and Jake.

That sudden feeling made her heart skip a beat and pushed a rush of blood into her head. She started to feel giddy. Better not dare dream too much ahead of herself, she reminded herself.

"Don't break a sweat. I'm a big girl. I can take it," Leah answered, and so, after ending the call with Leah, Bella dialed Jacob's number.

She lost her nerve and quickly hung up the phone before it even started to ring. She tried to work up the courage to call him for at least 4 days in a row, but her nerves got the better of her every single time.

On the fifth day, she was a nervous wreck. "How hard can it be?" she cursed under her breath while unlocking the door to her apartment. Her hands were clammy and shaking, butterflies were having a party in her stomach. She tossed her purse onto the table and toed off her flats. "I will not hang up today!" she berated herself. "I will talk to him!"

She was allowing herself the luxury to take a nice hot shower first. She wanted to just stand under the hot spray, which she knew would be calming to her nerves. Yes, she felt confident enough.

As soon as she was out of the shower, she simply wrapped a towel around her hair and body, not wanting to waste anymore time. She took her phone off her dresser and pressed the redial button.

The phone rang and rang and rang. With every second passing she lost hope that he would answer, but then she heard his husky voice state curtly, "Jake."

Bella was about to hang up, she did not expect him to answer anymore, when she suddenly felt startled, almost dropping the phone when she heard him bark his name into her ear.. She finally stuttered, "J...Jake?...It's...ummm... Hi! It's Bella."

There was a pause. Her own heart beat was so loud that she was sure he had to hear it too, along with the rest of the world.

He cursed, and then the phone was dead. He had hung up on her!

"Shit," Bella muttered and dropped her phone down onto the receiver. She sat down on her bed, her hands and knees shaking with adrenaline, but quickly decided to just call him again. She let the phone ring for a while, but he didn't pick up his line anymore. She tried it again after a couple of minutes. Again. When she called him for the third time about an hour later, he had simply switched off his phone altogether.

"Fine!" Bella thought, getting more and more irritated as time went by. "I can just be as stubborn as you. We will see about that." She was now on a mission and contacted him daily, sometimes more than once, but he'd always hang up or didn't even bother to answer after her caller ID would appear on his phone. He was so damn stubborn, but so was she!

Leah continually encouraged her not to give up on Jacob. "What a pig-headed mule," Leah would say to her. "Swan, you hang in there."

Leah knew that Jake was still in love with Bella, but he wasn't ready to forgive and too stubborn to even give her a chance to explain herself. However, Leah deemed it was about damn time that something would change. With that, Leah announced that she had a plan, a plan where Jake had no other choice but to face the music.

It was time for Jake to get his head out of his sexy ass (Leah's words) and Bella could only agree. She was more than ready to hear Leah's plan.

_~EYJ & JB~_

The day finally came where Bella looked around her tiny apartment for one last time. Everything was ready to go. Her suitcase was packed and she was just about ready to leave for the airport. She was going back to Forks, or more accurately LaPush.

Leah announced that she is getting married and she had convinced Bella that this is the perfect time to make a real move on Jake. Besides, Bella was going to be part of the wedding. That thought made Bella feel nervous and excited at the same time. She was truly happy for Leah and she wanted to meet and get to know Yuma as well.

She only hoped that the pack would take it easy on her.

She felt good about her decision to give it a real try to work it out with Jacob and she was determined to do whatever it takes.

Bella had a feeling that she will have her work cut out for her. But she also knew that it will be worth it in the end. She was ready to fight for their future, and she was definitely ready to live a long and happy life with Jake.

Bella knew that Leah was really trying to help both of them and had invited Bella to stay for a while to help Jake take care of Yuma while Leah and Sam went for their honeymoon. According to Leah, she had it all worked out. The prospect of living in such close proximity with Jake and his son was both terrifying and exciting to her.

Naturally, she had had her doubts initially, that Leah's plan would ever work, but since Jacob is going to need help with Yuma, or so Leah had predicted anyway, he had no choice but to face the music. Both of them would take care of Yuma and according to Leah, that was a done deal.

The cab driver took his time to drive to the airport, and since she was a few hours early, she did not really mind. When he finally dropped her off on the curb and put her suitcase down, she tipped him and walked straight to the check-in counter. She knew, there was no turning back, she had made up her mind and she will see it through to the end.

Her ticket flew her directly to Port Angeles, with just a quick stop in Seattle and Leah was to pick her up there to drive her directly to LaPush, she reminded herself, while she noticed a flutter once more in her stomach, and she started to feel just a little lightheaded. _Oh God, this is it_, she thought, feeling a slight panic coming up from the pit of her stomach, but she was determined to push that feeling right back. After she was checked in, she sat down close to her gate, trying to relax once again. She whipped her little powder out and took a careful look at her face. "Yep, that will have to do", she thought. Just a touch of eye-shadow and a pale pink gloss was all she really needed. Her eyes were clear and her mind was made up.

The flight had passed quickly. Bella was in deep thought when the announcements came over the intercom to fasten the seatbelts for landing. Bella quickly sat up straight and tried to look out of the window. It looked like it was raining heavily.

Once landed, her exit was fast, she no longer wanted to waste any time and she knew Leah's time was limited. She felt a burst of excitement at the prospect of meeting Yuma face-to-face shortly. All the wonderful things that she had heard of him made her feel like she already knew him in a way. She simply couldn't wait to hold this little fella.

As soon as she took hold of her suitcase, she heard Leah calling out her name. She turned quickly and watched as Leah rushed towards her. Bella stopped dead in her tracks.

She felt tears sting her eyes as she looked at the boy, Leah had sitting on her hip. The pictures Leah had shared with her really didn't do him justice. Yuma was the spitting image of Jake. Her heart pounded erratic and she felt such a burst of happiness and pride for Jake, the force of it took her totally for a spin.

She felt herself instantly fall in love with Yuma.

_~EYJ & JB~_

They arrived in La Push, and Yuma - who had slept through from Port Angeles - was wide awake now and ready for action. So Leah asked Bella if she would like to entertain the little man while she would be making dinner. Sam would be home soon, and he would be tired after a long day at his construction job.

Just like his father, Yuma definitely wasn't shy. He simply took Bella by her hand and tugged, urging her to follow him into his room. "Ella play," he said and graced her with a big happy smile when she sat down on the floor and watched him push his fire truck back and forth.

Bella felt a little self-conscious at first and was not sure what she should be doing. She hadn't been around a little kid before. Suddenly, the whole idea about taking care of Yuma while Leah would be on her honeymoon was overwhelming.

_Don't be silly,_ she thought. Yuma is an adorable kid. _There's not much you can do wrong!_

"Can I play with you?" she asked with sudden excitement.

"Ella play wolf," Yuma pressed a stuffed animal wolf into her hand. She let the wolf "run" next to his truck, while he imitated the siren blaring. "Wolf fast," he said, shaking his head proudly. "Yuma fast."

He jumped up and raced into the kitchen. "Mommy, Ella play." He tugged at her skirt. "Car. Want my car."

"Bella, would you mind taking him to the backyard?" Leah asked, throwing chopped vegetables into a huge pot.

Yuma jumped excitedly and clapped his hands.

"Of course not. Will you show me the way to your backyard, Yuma?"

Yuma ran to the backdoor, stretched on his toes and turned the lock. The door stayed closed. He demanded, "Out."

Leah shrugged. "Like father, like son..."

Bella smiled and turned the lock, but the door wouldn't budge. She turned around. "It's locked."

"Safety lock, Bella." Leah laughed at her and pointed at a latch at the top of the door. "This little guy is very outdoorsy. I would constantly need to run after him if I wouldn't lock the doors."

"I see." Bella smirked at Leah and opened the door. Yuma slipped through and was situated on his police push car before she could even blink.

Half an hour later, suddenly a shadow hovered over them. She looked up and with a startle, noticed that Sam stood right behind her. "Hey, Bella," he said, a huge smile covering his face and a twinkle in his eyes. "'bout time you got here." He winked at her.

Bella felt herself blush and quickly turned towards Leah, who had a huge grin on her face.

Thank God she got distracted as Yuma ran and flung himself at Sam. "Pappy!" he cried and started laughing when Sam began to tickle him.

Bella watched their interaction intently. Sam seemed like a completely different person than the last time she saw him. He smiled; his whole demeanor was relaxed as he joked around with Yuma. Gone was the hard mask that was his face when he was still the Alpha and imprinted on Emily.

Finally, Sam sat down on the grass, putting the boy onto his knees. "Hey, champ! How was your day?"

Leah took Bella by her hand and pulled her inside the house. "Want to help me set the table and get dinner ready?" she asked, and Bella agreed happily. She already felt comfortable and _at home_ in Leah's house.

They had just started putting the plates and silverware onto the table, when suddenly Leah stopped in the middle of what she was doing. "Oh!" she said, her eyes quickly alternating looking at the front door and at Bella.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked. Her stomach clenched nervously. She listened intently, but could hear nothing.

"Jake's coming," Leah said quietly, and rubbed her neck. "I can feel him."

Bella shook her head and glanced at her confused. "What...how..." she stammered. "I can feel nothing."

"He's the Alpha," Leah explained in a hushed whisper. "We all can feel when he's around us. It's like a tingle in the back of my neck..."

"Did you know he was coming here?" Bella said with a glare. She was excited and nervous, almost nauseatingly nervous, but she had promised herself she wouldn't let it show. She was stronger than that now! After all, she had come here with the goal to confront Jake, and now was as good a time as ever.

"No, I didn't." Leah pulled out another plate. "Not that it matters anyway." She listened again. "Okay, here we go."

Bella froze.

Leah put the plate onto the table and stepped in front of of Bella, facing the door. She took Bella's hand. "Be strong, Bella. You want him back!"

Bella nodded.

Leah started to count.

"One…Two…Three…"

The door slammed open.

And there he was.

Jake!


End file.
